The time to move on doesn't mean you disrespected your husband or that you didn't love him as much as another person who waits several years. The right time is when you,meet someone you enjoy the company with. I believe that those who struggle with a serious illness do grieve the upcoming loss. Grief is individual and often made harder if we allow ourselves be influenced by what others think. If you enjoy the company of someone there's no reason to not be without him. My only caution is take it slow. Begin with friendship and be open to make it to the level you're comfortable with. Sharon

Are you asking, is it too soon to be in a relationship in less than 6 months? First let me say, I get it. I remember feeling like I wanted someone new in my life mere months after I lost my husband. I wasn't healed or ready in any way, but I don't know how to explain the compulsion exactly. It was like I was in this role that had been rudely interrupted and I wanted someone to step in and play his part so I could resume my life and not have to face going it alone. Something along that line.

I have experienced so much guilt since losing my husband and daughter, I could qualify as an honorary Catholic. It helps no one and changes SFA.
Instead of wasting any energy on that, do what it takes to be sober, for yourself and your son. If you are thinking you need help, you do and I applaud your courage and insight. Get healthy first and then worry about the rest.
Local hospices have wonderful programs for kids who have experienced a loss. My granddaughters go to groups there with other grieving children, and in the summer they attended a camp free of charge, and there are other ongoing activities. I hope they have something like that in your area. Your son would really benefit I am sure. Since we didn't use a hospice, I never would have known except for a school counsellor.

I am sending you healing energy and a big hug.
Best wishes. ((()))

Everyone is different. My wife passed away in March & dating another woman is not even on my radar right now.

Only you can know what is right for you. Like everything in life, there are positives and negatives. I dated after only 4 months. It was way too soon. I knew it but wanted and still do want to move forward and not stay stuck in my grief. My relationship ended after only 3 months. We didn't really have a chance. I thought I was thinking it through but in hindsight I was not. As another widower put it, what I thought was love was most likely just "I lonely you." That being said, it did ease the pain some. I was distracted. I still thought about and mourned for my husband everyday... just not 24 hours a day. I wasn't able to do it, but try and move slowly. If, and I hope for your sake it doesn't, the relationship ends, you do not want your son feeling another loss. Wishing you peace. Lisa

I didn't want to be the first to reply, but now I will. I can relate to the "compulsion" thing 100%. Within months I became attracted to a divorced man my age who attended my church, whom I had never met. I thought he was a very wonderful and compassionate individual, and I mentally fashioned him into, well - a "saint." I even was angry that no one would introduce me to him. LSS, I still have not met the man; he's moved into the woods somewhere in another town; and a saint he AINT. He's a very self-centered, egotistic hermit! But he does own a very cool jeep. Yes, some of us feel like we want someone new in our lives right away to fill the void I guess. Don't beat yourself up too badly. Plead the fifth or whatever. It was a type of buffer for me, and I actually feel stronger now. I have made it a year with no dating or even prospects of dating. I do know that I won't waste my time on no accounts. If it is to happen, it has to be the real deal, and I'm probably not ready to take that step just yet. Perhaps soon.

Just be careful. If you are anything like me, my decision-making ability since my wife died can only be described as worse than lousy. And my judgment? What judgment? Believe it or not, I'm better now. And that's one thing about grief/depression that burns me. You don't even know how messed up you are at the time. Hell, you're always a whole lot better than you were at first, and it gets better the farther along you get. But then you get these wakeup calls, and see in your rearview mirror how messed up you had to have been, and the only words you can muster are, Oh Shit! Yeah, do be careful with it all. No right. No wrong. Be Mom first always. Most important job in the world. The young one needs you more now than ever. Try hard not to make any permanent decisions until way down the line. Understand that love and loneliness are easily confused in this aftermath. Relationships are a temporary fix for the loneliness, but do plug that hole for a while. But relationships do nothing for the emptiness. That's the spiritual wound. I'm trying a new approach. Build a solid friendship first. That's it. No relationship, not until that solid friendship foundation is built. I'm convinced that friendship is the only way to have a shot at anything that will last. I thank my ex-bbf biker-chic that got away with half my stuff for opening my eyes on this one. Like, gee whiz Scottie, maybe a new approach to this whole dating thing might just be in order. Hmmm, Juanita and I began as friends. And that worked out dang well for me :)) ~~~ Scottie

Making the decision to reenter life is a good thing. Looking for dating, not so much. I don't mean to be offensive., but I don't want you to be vulnerable. Personally I prefer to seek friendship and see what the person is about. Of course, I was cautious about the process of meeting people after a 40 years marriage. Look for all you deserve to be with someone.

The problem with seeking friendship with the opposite gender is that usually the other person thinks you want to lasso him. It is almost like a foreign concept. I reached out to a few men as friends (because that is where you begin), and they automatically backed off. They think you are chasing them, and even others will call you aggressive. That has been my experience. Also, if you say "just friends," then that will turn some off because they assume that is where it stops - and sometimes it does stop there. We are probably all vulnerable, I agree.

Everyone is different. I often find myself wanting companionship of a male, but when I think about it, I can't fathom being with someone else at the moment. Can't even imagine trying to be alone with someone without breaking down and thinking about my husband.

any man who would take advantage of your vulnerability at a time like this is not to be trusted

If you feel like you are ready to move on, go for it! Life is short, and we all might die tomorrow. (Isn't it funny how a death of a loved one makes you acutely aware of your own mortality?). My husband died last August, and boy how I wish I were ready to move on! Loneliness and sadness are overwhelming. I know my late husband would have wanted me to move on. He himself would have been in search of replacement by now if the roles are reversed. But we each frieve in our own way, and move at our own pace.

Dont second guess yourself, you are at where your at. Theres nothing wrong with a drink from time to time when grief hits hard but always try to find another way of dealing with it. The love this guy is giving is what you need to get through