Hi Sandi
Happy birthday for Saturday. My birthday is tomorrow and like you it is really the first - last year was just after his funeral.

It is really the little things isn't it? The other day the light gave out in the bathroom and I could not for the life of me figure out how to remove the light fitting !! - it is fitted flush to the ceiling and was always Wilf's job. I did it eventually but not without my cursing myself for my ineptitude.

Motivation is hard to find in our situation - who is there to do it for except ourself and that never seems important. It will hopefully get better as time goes on but I know it is hard to imagine.

My best to you for ongoing peace. Luv Fay xx

I understand completely!
All those little things are triggers for me. The light in my kitchen ceiling is flickering, and I need to stand on a ladder to change the bulb. My husband always changed the light bulbs. Next week we change the clocks, my husband would go around the house changing all of them.

Yesterday the football game came on, and I cried because my husband was such a big fan, and he wasn't sitting on the couch watching it with me.

I've started cooking again. I made chicken noodle soup the other day, and then I cried because he loved my soup, but he wasn't here to enjoy it with me.

I'm looking forward to the day when I don't cry over all these little things.

Happy Birthday Sandi and Fay!

I truly understand also
Happy Birthday to you guys!!!!!
I'm sorry for you guys lost. Everytime I have to cut the grass and soon snow blow the driveway. I cry , it makes me so sad. or even have to open a door for myself. my husband was a true gentleman. and was very affection to me and I really miss all those things. I am a great cook and I don't cook anymore. I do quick foods. which is not letting me lose the weight I need to. I feel like why cook for just me.. God Bless everyone.

Sandi,

Saturday was also my birthday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY to us.

This was my second birthday without Mary Jo, and that made it a pretty empty day. She always made my favorite Pineapple Upside-Down Cake for my birthday, and I made one for myself this year. It wasn't bad, but I think there was a lot of love left out of the recipe.

John

Totally agree with you. The little gestures brought the most joy because they were symbols of love and now they are the things we miss the most. I have now found a sense of peace in my life but I would be lying if I said I didnt miss those little gestures.

It really is the little things. I was at wal mart the other day. I became emotional just pushing the chart. I was thinking about who she hold my arm as I pushed the chart. She made me feel like a man. We also used to play a silly game when went shopping. I miss everything about her. I miss how she made me laugh every single day.

The leaves are piling up on our deck and I just walk through them. My wife's favorite activity was blowing off the decks and sidewalks. I choke up every time I start the leaf blower. I always had to start it for her, she could not pull the rope fast enough.She always decorated for fall, not my thing, but I sure miss what she used to do with the house. We grew lots of pumpkins and they were all over the place, but I don't garden alone, it was a together thing.. I miss many little things I used to take for granted as part of my former normal life

I hear you Sandi
I really miss and need someone to tell me, I cant wear that tie with that shirt.
Yah, its the hundreds and hundreds of little things that I miss.
Martin

Happy Birthday, Sandi, Fay and John!

Since my husband passed away almost 5 months ago, all kinds of things have required repair, from the car to the exterior of the house. This evening I was looking for something in the garage, a place that was truly "his," and I found all kinds of things - I have no idea what most of them are. It hit hard that he was such a "fixer" around the house and knew to buy these strange things to repair and keep things running. So sad. I miss him so much.

Happy belated birthday Sandi,,
I could write pages and pages of what I miss about Ben and all the things , he did for me, which made me feel so special. We were not a perfect couple, BUT perfect for each other.
Sandi, I bet you look fab in your new riding boots, I am sure your husband would love them.
Peace, love and joy,
Sandra

I too miss the little things. The very things I took for granted for over 30 years. Can't find the desire to clean up the leaves or mow the lawn. We shared these chores. No motivation to cook so for me it's what can go in the microwave. I used to love to come home and now I panic. There are things to do in this house but currently I can not find the motivation. My support group is small and they have the own lives and problems to contend with. I can't expect them to stop everything to babysit me and even when I am out with a friend I still feel all alone. Today was especially bad. Felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin. Finally made an appt to the dr. Not especially wanting any meds but I think it may be best for a while. Hopefully I can reach a point in my journey where I can find peace with being alone. Praying this will get better as time goes on but right now it's just day to day.

Happy birthday Sandi and Fay

Happy Birthday and hope you feel better. yes, all those little things that are missed so much. I still can't make a cup of coffee here. My husband always made the coffee. It seems everyday something needs to be tweaked around the house. Also the yard does not look as good, but I am trying my darndest to keep it all going. I think the hardest is the aloneness.... Life is just upside down....

Happy Birthday. Yes the little things are what made your life together so special so of course they will be missed the most. I realized this morning that losing a spouse is not a single loss but multiple losses that we are grieving. We are grieving all those little special things we have lost also. When you list them you realize how very many there are which can so complicate your grief. You may feel selfish and shallow for mourning the loss of some of those little things, but they are your losses and they are real. I cry when I have to blow the leaves because we did it together and I never do it as good as he did. I fertilized the lawn because he had the stuff in the shed so I am trying but the neighbors will notice the difference come spring when his beautiful grass starts spouting weeds. I will try my best because I know he would want me to, but I have lost him and all he was able to do. I have lost so much and so have all the rest here. We all are just trying to survive one more day and do the best we can. Praying you find some peace to get you through the day.

I can totally relate. It seems like everyday there are small reminders. This weekend alone the bedroom light bulb went out and Carl would always change this. I started cooking again for the family and this weekend I thought I would make gumbo. Carl loved my gumbo so I could not make it I made chowder instead (not a favorite of his). Carl loved sweet tea and I used the same pot for years to make the tea I asked my mother in law to bring tea over with her (she lives next door) because I can't bring myself to make tea. Sometimes I think all these little things are so silly but I can't help it. Thirty-one years of being happily married is a long time.

Happy belated birthday and kudo's on working on taking care of yourself.

I hate that he is not here to do the oil changes, and lawn mowing, but I miss the breakfasts he made every week-end and the bear hug he would give when I had a frustrating day.

I realized the other day that I've only read 2 or 3 newspapers since he died 25 months ago - he did all the paper buying - one thing I didn't really miss, I guess