Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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SnowWhite 12/04/2016

My sweet husband passed away 6 months ago due to a heart attack while he was playing basketball and I couldnt feel more lost. We had 4 children and I was 6 months pregnant with our newest baby on the way. My oldest 3 children are devastated. Our youngest daughter who was just 2 at the time still doesnt fully know whats goin on and is so little to understand completely that her daddy can't make trips from heaven to see us. He was SUPER healthy. Was NEVER sick. Always went to the gym to work out and run or played basketball for hours a few times a week. Never once even seen him take an ibuprofen or Tylenol for the almost 8 yrs we had been together. And just like that... He's gone. 33 years old. Thought we had the rest of our lives together. Im so hurt that he didn't even get to hold our new baby. Decided to name her after him but I'm having such a hard time still dealing with all of this. Still feels like he's at work and he'll be walking thru the door anytime now an he'll pock our daughter up, hug her and lay in the floor to play like he always did. I love all these kids to death but never once thought I'd be facing this world alone raising all of them. I couldnt ever possibly be half of what he was to these kids. And just knowing they have to grow up without their daddy just kills me. He was truly the best daddy an husband i could have ever asked for.. Having to deal with the loss of my husband, having a newborn baby, AND the mother in law kept all the life insurance money from both policies he had.(he never turned the paperwork bck in to change his mother being beneficiary after we got married bc we were both only 33 an never in a million yrs thought something like this could possibly happen to us) Just sad an such a bad time for any extra added stress so i decided to cut ties from all of his fam bc i wont accept people taking what belongs to my children after they've already lost so much. Especially being all these children were left behind and still have to be raised for all the yrs to come... An formula and diapers arent by no means cheap!! Totally lost an having a hard time accepting ANY of this and trying to hold it all together for my children. That's all I've managed to do.. Is not break down and try to keep everything i can as normal as possible for them. Any advice would ve greatly appreciated.. And sorry for writing a book to explain my situation

msgood 12/04/2016

So very sorry for your loss your grief is so raw take one day at a time and take care of yourself your children need you. We are here for you I feel your pain you are not alone. Have you looked into Social Security for the children you should be able to have that on all the children that will help some of the money worries. Take care, Hugs to you
Jeanne

Shrn 12/04/2016

I am so deeply sorry for your loss and the loss of your children. No one imagines losing someone who is so vibrant in life. My husband was always the healthy one. He was active in life and I couldn't imagine him being I'll. Then cancer struck and although he survived it forever changed our life. It returned and stole him from us. The road ahead is filled with hills and valleys, but we can survive hanging on to the memories. Welcome to the group no one wants to join, but you will find love and support with us. Sharon

myhusbandisanangel 12/04/2016

I am so sorry for your loss, but you have found the right website. We are here for you so write until you can write no more. we are all here for you. I too lost my husband six weeks ago and I just got through my first birthday without him. It was hard, I didn't think I would make it. But thanks to all the people here I did. So we are here for you to listen and help each other. God bless you and hugs to you and you children. Dianna

shelda 12/04/2016

Find a lawyer and find out about this money..there may be a way to get the money his family knows he would want his wife and children provided for and most Judges feel the same way.Am so truly sorry..but all we can do is live life..Love your yourself first now...Hugs..

Sandyms 12/04/2016

Hi Snow White. I just lost my husband to a sudden heart attack too. We have three small children. I am so sorry for what you have been through, and for trying to raise your babies alone with no family support. I don't really have any good advice, but wanted to send support. Sandy

tim57 12/05/2016

Why in hell would any grandparent not want to at least help provide for their grand kids?? Isn't it great how wonderful families are during these times? It's always the same. It's a shame that what should bring folks together some just take advantage. Even if they had some kind of problem with you ( and I know it can happen from personal experience), they should at least do for those kids. They are carrying his blood to. I would contact a lawyer just to cover your basis. Those little guys are going to need a lot.
Keep coming her anyway. It truly does help to interact with those who have and are going thru this. And it takes time. This is a little over one year. I lost my wife in 2015. Still hurts badly, but it is somewhat duller. Just take it one day at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow. Easier said than done I know. But you have to take care of you to be able to take care of your children. Right now it is extremely hard to think clearly. And that will take time also. Somehow your going to need to find some time for yourself. That's the only way you can start to heal from this. If your a lady of faith. Get deep in it. It will get you thru.

Take care.
Peace, Tim

SnowWhite 12/05/2016

Thanks everyone for all the sweet comments. And Tim.. I dnt knw how someone vould stoop so low either. And i was closer to an spent more time with my husband's mother than i did my own. Ive always looked at his family as my own. But it was like once they heard the policies never got updated, it was like a switch got flipped. They werent sobbing an crying that he was gone anymore. Like the money could replace the fact that he was gone. And just makes ne so sick thinking of someone wanting money more thn to havecollecting family member back. Had to scratch up money for part of the funeral, burial and headstone expenses bc the insurance money hadnt arrived yet and they didnt even bother to give tht bck to me and my kids. I had the bank contact me bc his mother an sister had showed up there to close his acct out and collect wht was left there too. (Thank God they didnt get it bc it did help me get by on some of the bills tht were due at the time) but it was like i was being told me an my children didnt need any money bc we'd be "collecting a check every month " is wht i was told. But anyways... Just hurts. An i knw my hurt an pain wont even come close to wht our kids are gonna have to go thru the rest of their lives growing up without their daddy. First steps, first day of school, father/daughter dances, prom, graduations (oldest graduates this yr), walking the girls dwn the isle on their wedding days. I cnt do wht he was goin to like he wanted to bc im not him. And i knw none of this would wven be happening if he was still here. 34 and a widow with 5 kids. He was definitely my rock, my strong person, my better half. Im happy an grateful we didnt have anything left unsaid or undone. We were at such a happy place in our lives an were looking forward to so much. The day before he took me an our girls out to shop for a bigger an prettier wedding ring set. Agreed to wear our original bands but just so wierd how tht all worked out. Just happy we were happy an im trying hard to cling to everything we did have

tim57 12/07/2016

Not sure what the in laws are thinking, but I have heard of folks being this way before. After loosing my wife I've heard of it even more. It is a shame. Even being a Christian I do believe in karma. And I have seen the saying what goes around comes around, played out several times. So no one is allowed to continue on their marry way without consequences to their actions.
Just keep doing the right thing, it will work out. If you are a lady of faith get deep in it. I promise you it will get you thru.
Take care.
Peace, Tim

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