I hate it too! A year's passing does virtually nothing, really. It definitely doesn't bring them back. I want to move off somewhere and get a fresh start, but then people say I am in denial. I think I will one day get to the point where I will do SOMETHING, even if it's wrong...

My kids are adding their drama to the mix, so some of them aren't any help. They are being self centered. I don't think they even care that their stepmom has cancer, so I doubt their dad (my ex) is getting any support from them. My stepson has been my "rock", if anyone, and he lives far away - supposed to move back here though.

I keep waiting to wake up! How can this be my life? How do I keep going on when my reason for living is gone? It's been 10months since had died suddenly and I've gotten most of my life sorted out, at least on the outside. Meanwhile in screaming in my head wishing to God I could die so I can be back with him.

I had lunch with my cousin around the time of my husband's first anniversary. She became a widow two months before I did. She told me "welcome to the first day of the second year of widowhood". We concentrate so much on that anniversary and nothing really changes. The day brings up so much emotion and you just can't shake it. I have found the beginning of my 3rd year to be somewhat less intensely emotional. I still have bad moments but fewer and definitely shorter in duration. Still missing that man of mine so very much but finding I am doing ok most of the time. I do try to keep myself distracted from dwelling on it too much. I'm pretty good st that now. Please know that time does help in how you cope. I hope you find some peace. Marybeth

It is 8 months. Today since Al died. I hate the silence and the loneliness. It seems people expect me to just get over it. I am not getting over it.

Thank you all for your words of hope and comfort. I do have more peace than in the beginning months and I do know that there is more peace in the future. Letting my feelings out in here tend to mend my heart some or at least my mind. I believe my heart will always be broken for the man I loved for over 34 years. Kim

Dear Kim, I feel with you. But for you and the others here, I offer some encouragement. Your losses are all still so recent, but it's been over 4 years for me, so I have a little more perspective. It really does get more bearable with time, although I will always miss my husband and think of what I should have done differently. You do get used to that "new normal" after a while. Some things have helped. The most important was my sense of God's presence still with me. I'm not alone, even in this empty house. I also attended the griefshare support group (find one near you at griefshare.org). And I have filled my time with meaningful activity. Encouraging others has helped fill my empty heart. I pray that you, Kim, and the others here will also come to a balance in your lives that brings satisfaction and peace.

Just over six months today. Crying same as ever. Hate the loneliness with nothing to alleviate it. Never expected to outlive him. He was always so healthy--in over sixty years, not even a cold in the winter. The Trump disaster just adds to my upset. Clarinda

You hit it on the head. Life as we all knew it will never ever be the same for any of us that made it to this lifeboat. Not an adjustment I pre-planned for, I guess I personally needed to experience real emotions for the first time in my adulthood. Not to discount the overwhelming grief piles on, but having all these emotions for the first time in my life, that alone has changed me. No longer stoic. Compassion out the ying-yang. Selfish too. Never had that opportunity before in my life. Just a phase I think. I've come to accept that life as I knew it can never be again because she won't be in it. And who knows what my future holds, but maybe I'll settle in with someone that has fewer dislikes and yet more likes. My wife of 30 years was just about as far from opposite of me that we could get. Worked for me because I imagine I just maybe might have been just a tad little bit hard to live with every once in a while in a blue moon :) It will all work out, I promise. Scott