My husband passed away last March. On what seemed like an ordinary Tuesday evening, I get an unexpected call from the ER telling me to come immediately. The nurse told me on the phone that my husband had an accident in the gym. I kept asking what exactly happened but she would not tell me and so I rush to the hospital and there I heard the dreadful news that they had tried to revive him but had did not make it. He was on the treadmill and he just collapsed. He died of a massive heart attack. It was all so sudden and unexpected. He was only 47 and that night I became a widow at 41. Our two young daughters were asleep and I left the house without them to get to him. In the morning when they woke up, I had to tell them why daddy wasn't home. And that daddy would never come back. 

Three months have passed, there are days when I am doing okay and there are days when I cannot even get out of bed. I have no close friends and no family nearby. I have been so dependent on my husband for everything. I only work part time and he was the breadwinner so managing our finances now is tough. But the hardest part is the lingering sadness that I feel everyday. In the morning when I wake up, I reach out his side of the bed and he's not there. I sit on the couch and I miss him sitting with me while we watch tv. I miss cooking for him. I miss having someone to talk to and laugh with. My kids say they want me to be not be so sad but I find no joy in anything. I try to be strong for our kids because I know that is what you would want me to do but it is really hard sometimes. When I feel lonely, I just hug them. We pray a lot and I try to assure them that someday we will be happy again. It's hard to think this is now are new normal. My husband and I have made plans and dreams for our future but now I mourn that same future that we were looking forward to. We would have loved travel more and grow old with each other and see our daughter get married and babysit our grandkids together. It's really hard. Life now for me is really lonely.