Oh how I can relate to what you are saying. There were countless things my wife did from weeding the garden to yes it sounds silly but cut my nails. Some were chores that needed to be done and all were gestures of love. I remember the first time cleaning the oven which she always did and weeping. It was just another reminder she was gone. And yes alot of the magic I took for granted and miss it and more importantly her so much. Wishing you peace as you continue your journey. Gerald

Oh yes even after 4 years I miss him cutting the grass. I really hate doing that. I keep the last soda can on his tractor to remember him. I miss his mechanical ability and have no one to ask about the car. I miss the things he did around the house and now I have to figure them out....... I will always miss those magic things he did out of love for me..

For me it was missing him, but also missed our life. Yes, I realized my life was here, but it gave little comfort. Where were our plans, our banter back and forth and our laughter? Who would open the jar of pickles? Those small, yet huge, things he did every day, when they also disappeared with him the loss became real. Sharon

I miss the morning phone calls to start our day, the coffee/tea we shared every single evening, weekends snuggling on the sofa on Sunday afternoons to watch tv when it was cold outside. His smile, his touch, his laughter. He was such a happy person and so fun to be with. We used to talk about it all the time, how after all the years together we still could make each other laugh and couldn't wait for the weekend. Truly blessed by God to have him choose me but I still miss everything about our life together.

You are so right, the magic is gone. The magic to have the oven cleaned, the forms filled (he would just ask me to sign here and there), the cans and bottles opened, the car sorted... The magic of him gone forever and now it has to be the magic of me but that is not so magical.

I miss him.

I miss his magic to make me feel safe, no worry, the tractor will run and the riding mower will work and the fish pond water flowed. Ah...so much more.

MJ - we are on the same place in this journey and I totally get what you are saying. Today is six months for me and the absence of magic is everywhere. Everything in this house gets me upset lately - Who knew the sight of a particular sheet or a bottle of shampoo could bring a person to heart-wrenching tears? I am so very much missing my husband's great sense of humor and the love he showed me in so many little ways. Today I miss him more than words can say. I really want to get to a place where these memories bring me thankfulness instead of heartache. I am also facing the 19th anniversary of my first husband's death in a week. I am hoping that I will be able to bear that day with all the sadness my heart is now filled with. -Deb

I took so much for granted and feel badly about it. He cooked wonderful meals, took care of the yard, fixed whatever needed fixing while grumbling just a little, my person to come home to. I hate nights and weekends, so lonely. It does get some better, then back again.

Thanks for the thoughtful replies. I have been through several firsts in the last 6 months, but somehow this 1/2 year anniversary was much harder than I expected, I have no idea why, or why it caused me to focus so much on all the little things I took for granted. I thought I was getting used to fending for myself, and I am, but I'm thinking about her more as I do every little mundane chore.

MJ, you are so right. These mundane, everyday things were like magic. My husband picked me up from work each day; now, when the day ends, I feel the familiar anticipation, which is quickly replaced by the awareness that I will have to drive home alone. He made the coffee each morning; now I drink tea. He did most of the grocery shopping; now I get home delivery. And, as you say, each of these adaptions are tinged with lonliness and sadness.
DorothyJoan

You described my feeling exactly. I took my husband to Vegas to see Barry Manilow for his birthday. Since losing my husband, I've avoided Manilow's music until yesterday when I got caught off guard by "Could it be Magic". I thought to myself - yes, that's what it was..magic.

What mixed emotion to be thankful for, yet grieving the loss of that magic!

Exactly !!! I miss the Magic. It's 6 months for me as well.

Thank you for explaining.

Please forgive the typo in my post: adaptations (not adaptions). I didn't mean to coin a new word. LOL
DorothyJoan

MJ you are so right about the magic....the garbage magically was out on the right days, the weeds in the yard magically disappeared, in the spring the flowers were magically planted in the yard and on Saturday and Sunday mornings the wonderful smell of fresh coffee magically drifted up to the bedroom as I lazily stretched and woke up....oh how I miss my wonderful magician....

Missing my first 2-3 cups in the morning while my meds worked or wore of depending on which. The muscle my John provided when I envisioned these great projects that had us side by side laughing and sweating so much on the weekends. The way he made me safe from my own nightmares with just a touch of his hand on my shoulder.