Not in my opinion Norske. About going backwards in grief. Not at all. Although, I wondered the same thing 100 times in my journey. It's been 6.5 yrs for me. I still have little "aha" moments, little realizations of "oh yea, that was really nice, and I miss that in my life since Mike passed". For me looking back, I was in such shock and utter devastation, my brain could only take in so much at a time. There are 1000 things about our life partners that we loved about them and it takes years to "see" it all, grieve it all. With me, I would realize a missing of something, grieve it for a period, learn to accept it, then rest, then another realization would hit me, and the process still continues. Some are easier to adjust to, "Mike always took out the trash", and some are almost impossible to adjust to, grieve and come to peace with. I still miss his way of comforting me, when I felt bad about something, or lost a pet, or didn't get a job I wanted, so on. It was so wonderful to know, without a doubt, that no matter the mistake, no matter the horror I faced, Mike was there to love me, hold me, make me laugh and convince me everything was alright. He was by my side regardless. He knew me so well, my background, my family of origin, knew why I acted the way I did, said the things I did, and knew the perfect thing to say or the perfect thing I needed to be ok. It's so hard to learn how to live without that. I still ache for his arms, warmth, eyes, touch, pure acceptance, pure love. We learned over our decades together how to be brutally honest with each other, with a loving helpful touch. Mike could tell me I was being a complete jerk, and I would believe him and change my behavior at the moment. Without question. I knew he wouldn't say that unless true. Same went for him. It's those deeper, meaningful life essentials, that are the hardest for me. I now have a wonderful new boyfriend. He is a very sweet guy. But, we have only been together 2 yrs and are still learning about each other. He doesn't have any of those deeper skills yet, and it makes it all the more hard, cold, blatant, when I need that so much and he has no clue what I need. Nobody could, but Mike. It's not his fault. I'm emotionally falling apart, and new boyfriend offers me a candy bar???? Lol. It's comical, but he has no clue. I have to learn to handle all life's scenarios myself. Comfort myself, praise myself, be kind to myself when things are falling apart and I'm not sure which way to go. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Always have. Everybody knows when I'm happy or upset. New bf is opposite. I have to get a crowbar and pry out of him, what he wants for dinner. Omg! But back to point, I still have moments of unexpected tears, missings. To me it's still up in the air if I will ever have a new life, with peace and contentment. Mike handled all finances, major purchases money. I'm still making a lot of mistakes in this area. I'm not a numbers, financial guy. It's been really tough. Long learning curve.
I'm actually handling all parents finances too and it really makes my brain hurt. I hate it! But, I say to myself, at least there is money to make my brain hurt over!