I am sorry for your loss. Welcome to the group.

Love and Hugs,
Martha, Community Leader

Your pain and journey is unique. Lost my lovely bride 2/12/2018 quite unexpectedly. My sons and I have had loving support from our friends and family, yet it’s still your trip so to speak. Be kind and patient with your self. Some days it does feel like we are back at square one.

I'm not sure anyone can understand your pain. Cancer took my wife and life of 30 years back in May 2015. It is not so much that I struggle with understanding, but more so how difficult acceptance can be of not only the changes in myself, but also of this new life without her. She was so very special and we were exactly right for one another. And she is no longer here to guide me, support me, love me, teach me, accept me. I lost my only true friend this side of glory. Not sure any of us can understand it all, certainly not me. I guess we just reach a point of accepting that "it is what it is". The pain does diminish with time, or perhaps we just grow numb to it. Life goes on and the cherished life we shared together shall never be again. I take from it all a knowing of how good true love and a blessed life can be. Few there be that find that once in their life. And with great love, comes great pain. Just hang in there. I promise it really does get better. ~~~ Scottie

No one will understand your pain. People here will speak your heart. I often say nobody gets how I feel. There is no longer a future right now. I can’t remember anything. I no longer can do math in my head. I say this out loud people laugh. It’s not funny. I’m not myself. Sure I get up. I dress I go in the world but they can not imagine how much energy that takes. They say it gets softer. I’m still waiting. I wish you peace.

I am forgetful , lost , cant and yes it takes so much energy to face the day

Hello dear. What you feel is what I felt. I am 3 and a half months out. I make a list so I don't forget then I lose the list. That is the widow fog it lifts at different times for each person. The grief saps your energy for sure. The lost is because your foundation was rocked. Keep coming back. There are people here with so much wisdom. I read when I can't post and it helps.

It had been about 15 months for me. Most of my memory and brain function has come back. There are still quite a few things I can’t remember. I used to be afraid it would affect my functioning at work. That has gotten better, thank God.

Hello, efmamabear, I also live in San Diego. I lost my husband of 39 years on March 26, 2018. I knew that it would be sad and difficult without him....I had no idea... everything reminds me of him, every street, store, song, mail with his name on it.

I sympathize about the mail. So much of it. Can’t they stop sending the mail? Sometimes I call the companies and ask them.

No one will understand your pain and heartache. They may get close, but won't ever fully grasp it. Pain is one of those things that we just can't quantify. Plus, we all had a unique, personal relationship with our spouse that was just for the two of us... or two of you. Although there are similarities between humans, we are complicated animals in a complicated world with brains that like to complicate things. I'm ok with the pain, because there's no getting around it... I just accept it and try to give it it's due time. Like this whole messed up situation... I don't like it, but the reality is Kateri isn't coming back so I accept the pain because in some strange way, it reminds me how much I loved her... and the pain is gonna come anyways! Luckily, I can still see the beauty in the world... like my friends, my family, Vermont, my bed, Ribeye steaks, Ben and Jerry's, sunsets, sunrises, and the people in these support groups who are there for other people when they feel like no one understands their pain.

Hi
I too lost my husband of 48 years of lung cancer. Although he suffered through almost 3 full years of treatment ,I struggle everyday with his final parting.
Some days I wish I could erase all the pain and proceed without the emotional roller coaster life has inflicted on us.
I am told it will get better but honestly I just don’t see it happening.

understanding unfortunately till you are forced into this hell we now face one can never understand .

I know there are so many of us dealing with the aftermath of a loss so large that it effects the rest of your life we suffer alone. knowing every one will go through this but that is no consolation is it

Its been over 3 years for me and was getting on some what with my life I tried dating moved her in to help her but was used by a psychopath and now have that to deal with that. I also cant believe I let her into my life knew she was not a good person but you don't know how much it seemed to take away what I was suffering from now I am more depressed than ever.

I wish I could tell you something to help only time can change the heart willing it does not work and that time is longer for us that truly loved there partner.

I am going to try to have some one in my life getting old now 59 and I need some one who depends on me I also want someone to depend on to keep positive when you can I will to if you want someone who knows what you are going through just send me a message I will try to talk about moving forward with our lives . You must know your husband would not want you to suffer we must try to do as they would want don't you think

I am back to were I was just after I lost my best friend the most wonderful person I will ever have the honor to be with.

Time eases the pain I cry less now but miss her more than ever

Look after your self first one day at a time we all want to rush this proses who wouldn't want this hell to stop . I find people say get on with your life I tell my self that more than people around me do it does not help.

Tired so tired dealing with life alone the pain did leave me some what with a discretion I was with but that was a bad thing after 2 years of abuse I can not go on. I do not want to be alone I hope you are with some one I have only a couple of friends no kids no one who needs me for anything hard to face life lost no direction no hope for what I must now face alone this is truly hell.

hope you find a good distraction that can ease your suffering all the best

No one will ever understand your pain,except us and others who have gone through this ride of uncertainty and total loss. It happened to me 41 years ago and now again almost 3 years ago...I am not the same but yet i am..we will survive but be stronger and more tolerant of others. Wondered if it was a karma thing ,maybe or not. It is what it is and have to try and find peace where ever you are at this moment..i still like my sleeping :)