Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
After reading the nice post about the comments that were written by daughters - it reminded me of one of my first posts quite a while ago -and I decided to post it again.
When I was growing up my father often said, Whenever I feel sorry for myself or wonder why me? I think of Midge.
Midge was my mothers only sister who died at age 85. Midge got married in her early 20s. Her husband joined the army and was killed in a freak accident a few years later. Soon afterwards Midge was confined to a wheelchair due to MS. By her 30s she was legally blind and sometimes was bedridden for months at a time. She lived with my grandmother until she died in 1975 then alone with aides coming into the house until 3 years ago when Midge passed away. It was far from us.
Midge never had the children she wanted, never enjoyed the married life she expected and pretty much saw and end to normal life by the time she was in her early 20s - yet lived another 65 years. She never went on vacations, rarely went to movies and couldnt do the simple things in life like plant flowers in the back yard or paint a picture. She never owned a car, and rarely left the small town she grew up in. Yet she was always happy - never once complaining, appearing sad or asking why me?. She listened to the bible on records and was grateful for what she had been given.
I remember when I was a teenager my father woke up with a terrible headache and blind and was rushed to ER. My father said later, I was thinking all the way to the hospital how lucky I had been to live a good life for 50 years. A lot of people dont get that.(he was ok)
There are times when I think why me? Sometimes (not always) I try to remember Midge and the words my father said when he thought he was dying at 50. It's a hard path we're on - but there are many who never even got to the beginning of the path.
Posted on 04/25/10, 12:36 pm
When I was growing up my father often said, Whenever I feel sorry for myself or wonder why me? I think of Midge.
Midge was my mothers only sister who died at age 85. Midge got married in her early 20s. Her husband joined the army and was killed in a freak accident a few years later. Soon afterwards Midge was confined to a wheelchair due to MS. By her 30s she was legally blind and sometimes was bedridden for months at a time. She lived with my grandmother until she died in 1975 then alone with aides coming into the house until 3 years ago when Midge passed away. It was far from us.
Midge never had the children she wanted, never enjoyed the married life she expected and pretty much saw and end to normal life by the time she was in her early 20s - yet lived another 65 years. She never went on vacations, rarely went to movies and couldnt do the simple things in life like plant flowers in the back yard or paint a picture. She never owned a car, and rarely left the small town she grew up in. Yet she was always happy - never once complaining, appearing sad or asking why me?. She listened to the bible on records and was grateful for what she had been given.
I remember when I was a teenager my father woke up with a terrible headache and blind and was rushed to ER. My father said later, I was thinking all the way to the hospital how lucky I had been to live a good life for 50 years. A lot of people dont get that.(he was ok)
There are times when I think why me? Sometimes (not always) I try to remember Midge and the words my father said when he thought he was dying at 50. It's a hard path we're on - but there are many who never even got to the beginning of the path.
Posted on 04/25/10, 12:36 pm
Thank you for posting this again, I am one of the ones who did not see it before. Midge sounds like a Saint and it is true, so many who did not get to that path.
@ Carol, I will be praying for your friend, I am so sorry to hear she has Cancer.
Hugs,
Judy
When I was much younger, my husband traveled in his work and I worked and took care of our children at night. Sundown was always depressing because that's when all the other husbands came home. Then I would think of my neighbor. She was a native of Japan; had married a US soldier who spoke fluent Japanese. One of her 3 daughters was blind; I felt sad about this. Then I learned that her parents had been killed by the atomic bomb. Now that really got to me. Then....her sorry husband left her with the 3 girls - and she barely spoke English. So, I would think "If Mitsue can live through all that -- I can live through this!" And I did -- and much more. We all have our burdens and trials in life -- and we need to be grateful that they perhaps aren't as terrible as someone else's!
Thanks for Midge's story -
Doye
Today I look more at the positive side of my life than the negative; my glass is way more than half full. EVERY day I see, meet or hear other people's stories, and I realize that while sometime I get knocked down, I have the where-with-all to pick myself back up, brush myself off, and get going again. I am very fortunate in my life ..... and that I AM GRATEFUL!
Many Hugs to ALL,
Cathy
Mgould your Midge sounds a lot like my Aunt Mattie, had polio as a child, later in years bedfast, but Never had a bad day, she would find something to smile about each and every day. I'm trying to be more like her.
My SIL has MS, and has since her third daughter was born 24 years ago. She has gotten progressively worse as the years have gone on, and many times can't feel herslef, walk, or do all the things we all take for granted. Recently, her thiniking is off as well, and cant' converse as she would like to, and say things that maybe are not what she wanted. she was here at Greg's party, and we were all telling stories of good times, funny stories with Greg. when we came to her, after all telling stories that were funny, she simply said. "He was nice to me". Said it all. A very wise woman, and an ongoing inspiration to me. I feel selfish to complain about my life, my trials, when I see someone like this who is happy just '"to be'.
Thank you gain for sharing this. Reminds us to be happy for what we have. there is always someone who has things much harder, and feels more joy than we ever will understand i think.
HUGS Diane
It sure puts things into perspective!!! I will think of Midge, as a reminder to be HAPPY for what I had and not SAD for what I have lost.
There are so many of these people out there and whenever I hear or see one of their stories, I almost feel ashamed of how I am feeling, as they are so positive and upbeat, with everything that they are going through................hugs
I hadn't heard the Midge story before and it certainly is worth a periodic repeat.
Sal
It made an impact on a lot of young minds about the power of positive thinking. Now I try to reflect on the lives of saints, they can show us so much about the human condition that I no longer take for granted. G-
Thank you...
Linda
Basically depicts Who do you see Nurses? ----A crabby old man who dribbles his food, makes no reply, ........basically says open your eyes, nurses --- you are not looking at me...goes on to tell of who he is...from childhood to being an old man...basically say do not see an old crabby man look at me...
Very touchy story...Thanks for sharing...