Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Today is the anniversary of when my husband collasped with the aneurysm. He never woke up, but lingered for a few weeks.
I have a method I use to make a bad day a good day. I did this when I had a miscarrage years ago. In the years following the miscarrage, I spent every day on the anniversary date remembering what happened, and how I felt. I could barely function. Then I thought, why not change a bad day into a good one. I did this by scheduling good events on that day. It changed the my perception of the day from 'I lost my baby' to this is the day I went to New Orleans, Or went to an art exhibit, or went to a concert with my husband. I scheduled these events every year for six years until the anniversary of that fateful day lost impact. Now, sometimes I even forget the day it happened. I did the same thing when Mom passed.
So, now I'd like to do the same thing on the anniversary of my husband's passing. I'd like to include my step-daughter, her husband and two kids, ages 16 months and 6 years. I have no idea where to start, so I'm asking the group. The day falls in the middle of the week.
Any suggestions? What fun thing can I do with a family? It has to involve something in town. Something fun and memoriable.
I have
I have a method I use to make a bad day a good day. I did this when I had a miscarrage years ago. In the years following the miscarrage, I spent every day on the anniversary date remembering what happened, and how I felt. I could barely function. Then I thought, why not change a bad day into a good one. I did this by scheduling good events on that day. It changed the my perception of the day from 'I lost my baby' to this is the day I went to New Orleans, Or went to an art exhibit, or went to a concert with my husband. I scheduled these events every year for six years until the anniversary of that fateful day lost impact. Now, sometimes I even forget the day it happened. I did the same thing when Mom passed.
So, now I'd like to do the same thing on the anniversary of my husband's passing. I'd like to include my step-daughter, her husband and two kids, ages 16 months and 6 years. I have no idea where to start, so I'm asking the group. The day falls in the middle of the week.
Any suggestions? What fun thing can I do with a family? It has to involve something in town. Something fun and memoriable.
I have
I am going to use your idea each month from now on and then each year at the anniversary date. Thank you for sharing it.
Is there a new movie release that you could all go to as a family? Or go to a bookstore together and let everyone buy a new book they want? Or take a camera to the park and take some fun pics.
I am so happy that you shared this.
On my first-year anniversary, I avoided anything that smacked of routine. I went on a road trip that involved just a day's drive to a location that I remembered enjoying in past years. Unlike some others, I decided to go alone and spend that day simply indulging myself with interests that pertained to only me. I didn't want to check with anyone about whether they wanted to see this or that; whether they needed to get back home at a certain time; or whether they wanted to eat at this place or that place. I think this is an exception to the rule as most on DS have mentioned not wanting to be alone.
That was my first year. I found that the second year the day didn't have the same kind of impact. I spent it doing things with friends. The following years, nothing in particular was planned to avoid any sadness. The day passed without incident and life carried on. I guess it's all part of creating a new future and how we merge the past with the present.
I think anything that takes your mind off the stress of the day and helps you focus on what you had, not what you lost. Call it mind games or semantics if you life, but whatever works for you is the direction I would go during this critical time of finding steadiness in your life. Blessings to you. TJ