I still feel worse when people approach me and remember something about my husband, or talk about what he used to do. The only ones who are allowed to do that are my children. It just reminds me that he's no longer around and puts me in a really sad mood the rest of the day. I had to quit listening to music I enjoyed when he was alive. It wasn't even the type of music he enjoyed but still it brought back a flood of memories. Same with TV shows. I still can't watch the ones he used to enjoy. I think it's OK to avoid the things that hurt you, I don't recall ever being sorry I did.

You are perfect and justified hon how you feel. I will only add, remember before your loss, how you wouldve addressed others, who had lost a spouse. Unfortunately ignorance is a virtue. Remember, most don't understand, or know what it's like to lose their bestfriend/lover, husband. Music, is something that sean and I always loved, and it brought us together in so many ways. Close your eyes, and know that when that way to coincidental music plays, that is your husband letting you know he is there... He still loves and remembers you. we are all in the same position or have been here. You are perfect in how you feel, and when you feel it. I hope your weekend has a little more peace to it. Much love and hugs carla

Dearest Sienna9

It's amazing how there's always someone experiencing the same feelings as we walk this journey of grief. Yesterday I was lamenting the fact that I can't enjoy music the way I used to because it affects me too much. So I sometimes have to avoid it altogether. That's so sad.

I miss Mark so much it's a physical hurt in my heart.
I'm just a little over 9 months and had my major meltdown 2 weeks ago. I didn't get out of bed for a week. And then got the worst flu I've had in years, just another reason to miss my Mark because he would've treated me homeopathically and I would never have been so sick.

100 ways everyday that we're reminded of our loves. How we miss them, how they touched every aspect of our lives, how much we shared.

I guess all we can do is just hang in there.

Lots of loves.
Yo

I am so sorry P. It's so hard I know. Music hits me that way too. I have Sirius Radio in the barn. My husband Don bought it. He always listened to music while saddling, grooming horses or his welding work or making something. So I hear it and it means more to me now. And I love music, too. Don played trumpet when he was younger so he was more educated about music in that sense. I just like it. :)
But there are those days when it starts off okay, then something comes along like those people and the bass guitar and that's it. That's all it takes and the day is full of emotion, tears and missing him. It's only been 2 months. It IS like yesterday.
Just don't forget, just talk to Vic. I talk to Don daily. I look at his pictures daily. I am searching for memories because I don't want to forget anything at all.
I wish you pleasant dreams and the ability to sleep tonight. I see you are up late too. I know it's hell on earth. Just know all that is happening to you is absolutely normal. I only wish your co-workers had already known about Vic. I also wish more people would ask, how are you doing with your grief? How are you handling things without your husband? I am hear to listen if you want to talk. NOW, that would be a good friend.
But no one mentions them much unless you bring it up yourself. I have so many things to say about my hubby, I want to talk about him sometimes, if only others wanted to know more about him and be interested to hear it.
It's a strange world of people out there when it comes to death of one's loved one.
Keep holding on, don't let go. Just remember here we DO know how people act and what they can say to you, so coming here when you need to is a good thing.
Take good care.
Letty

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words, in all fairness to the people who asked me how my husband was, they had no idea that he had passed away, fortunately most of the people I know have been very kind and sensitive to my situation, I do know several other widows though who have not experienced that type of sensitivity by others. A couple of people have made some insensitive comments but I know they meant well. The fact that Vic was a musician as well as an oil painter, really makes it difficult to enjoy those things in the same way, when I met Vic he was playing music in a band and some of the greatest things we shared together was our love of music and art. I used to paint also only in watercolor, many people tell me I should start painting again, I thought about it and even went and got all of my paints out, but then I realized my greatest pleasure in painting was Vic taking pride in what I did. He was my inspiration, looking at my paintings and thinking about painting again only made me more sad, just another thing I can't share with him anymore.

Can I ask you all if you also experience this -

I get excited by something new that I want to do. Like you Sienna9, getting your paints out. And I maybe even get quite busy with it, enjoying it, but when I take a step back I realize that I can't share it with Mark immediately I lose interest and don't even bother to finish it.

Will this sadness ever let up?

Oh Sienna. My heart breaks for you. I know that pain all too well. I know why we must try to contain emotions at work. But best to just let them out anywhere and anytime else. Right now, your grief is controlling you, and let it. But with time, there will come a day when you decide on the when and where. You will progress to having control over your grief instead of it over you. But you've got to go through it. That is how we heal. If we don't allow ourselves to grief, it will screw us up royally. Because no one ever gets a pass on grief. You will go through it no matter what. But in suppression, there is no healing. And believe me, there is healing available for all of us. Just no identical timetable for any two of us is all. God bless and comfort you along with all the rest of us. ~~~ Scottie

Sienna; I had the same thing happen to me at the grocery store. A checker we had known for over 20 years asked me where my husband was I told her he had passed, she became emotional and came gave me a hug. She said he was so funny and friendly I can't believe he's gone. My daughter was with me and she said you held it together Mom. I surprised myself. It will be one year for me on the 14th and I find I'm doing much better.
My husband loved all kinds of music. First thing in the morning would turn it on. He liked Rod Stewarts "Forever Young". I've been in my car listening to the radio when it will suddenly switch over to the music he had programed into the entertainment mode and this song will come on. I had it happen yesterday I went to the store and had the radio on in the car. I pulled in and parked when I got out I found I had parked kind of crazy I was going to it leave, but then I could hear my husband telling me to fix it. I kind of laughed said ok honey I'll fix it. Got back in my car started it and "Forever Young" was playing. I knew he was there laughing with me.
I know there is no expiration date on grieving we all heal at our own pace. I believe there is something after this life and I'll see him again. He has given me and my daughters many signs he is around us. (he was a skeptic).
"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept,
things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go". I know it's hard take care of yourself.
Happy Trails....Many hugs and Peace...Gail

I feel better today, I believe that sometimes we need to just let the tears flow, it is normal and healthy and just part of being human as long as the grieving does not control our lives, at the time its happening its seems like its always going to feel that way but I know with God's help, that is not true, there will be bad days and better days and in time there will even be good days ahead. I never lose faith because it is based who God is and on His faithfulness, not because of any human ability or strength that I have. Knowing this keeps the grief from taking over although I do have some bad days I don't let them stop me from doing the things I have to do.

Lost4Heart :"And I maybe even get quite busy with it, enjoying it, but when I take a step back I realize that I can't share it with Mark immediately I lose interest and don't even bother to finish it. "

Yes I experience that quite often, I think that is one of the most difficult aspects of the grieving process, not having someone to share your life with. I realize how important that is in a relationship whether it is listening to music, enjoying a movie, eating dinner etc. etc. the list goes on and on, it just isn't the same when you do it alone and that takes away alot of the joy that we used to have when we had someone to share those things with.

Thanks again to all of you for your encouragement, its nice to be able to express our thoughts and feelings knowing that others understand exactly where we are coming from, you all are a real blessing!

TRIGGERS!!
They are every where. Things you wouldn't think would matter hit you like a ton of bricks. And it's not the big ones but the little things that knock you down. Your going along minding your own business and bam there it is.
After ten months they don't rip me up as badly but it still hurts.
And the other thing, having something you normally would share with him or her and they aren't there. And you just sit down and think oh well what's it matter, no one to share it with.
I am hoping and praying that God will bless me twice in this life time and send me a lady I can once again share these thing with.
Some might say, how can you even think about that now??
I knew Linda. I know without a single doubt in my mind and heart what she would want for me. The same I would want for her. Someone to share the remainder with. And to be happy she is with the Lord waiting for my race to be over and come home to.

Take care all.
Peace, Tim

Yes, for most people the sadness will lift and instead of having bad thoughts about the passing of your partner you will begin to remember the good that they brought to your life. I have had several people ask about Sally not knowing she has passed. I no longer get sad and teary eyed but remember the good times and explain what has passed. They of course feel like hell but I explain to them that I am okay with her passing now. Being a man I'm sure it is much different than it is for you ladies but I have truly moved on and fondly remember the past. Hopefully you all can eventually reach this peace in your life. Peace to you all! Dewman

I have always accepted God's timing in Vic's death, I have never felt resentful or had bad thoughts about it, in that respect I do have peace, I just miss him, some days more than others, I think that is normal when you lose your partner, best friend and soulmate of over 33 years. Its only been not quite 2 months since Vic has passed, so I sometimes still get teary eyed when I think of him , my memories of him are all fond ones, if they weren't I wouldn't miss him.

sienna, we have all been torn in half. I have stopped apologizing for my grief to those who don't grasp it.
when you need to cry, just let it flow. the tears are part of real life.

Love,
Barb.

My husband has been gone 3 years 4 months. I ran into a guy he worked with for 15 years before he was disabled. Rory asked me how Mike was doing. Seems like no one knew. Sandee

My husband has been gone 3 years and 4 months and at first when I would run into someone who did not know, I truly felt bad for having to give them the news as I could see clearly that they felt bad as they did not know. Then I would go home devastated as the encounter would bring fresh pain.
Tears as you say are a good things as it has been scientifically proven that tears release toxins from our body and help prevent medical issues. And tears have their place in a healthier way to grieve. Anger , guilt and other emotions are all step to climbing over the road blocks of our journey.
Used in the proper way those emotions can become tools. A personal trainer and bereavement group was the outlet for my anger . Guilt was addressed on this board.
As I said it has been 3 years and 4 months and while it is rare, there are still times I run into someone who did not know or actually forgot that he is gone and will ask about him. Human Resources at his place of employment still sends mail in his name. It is not an easy walk we walk but we do get acclimated and more fit for the climb.