So sorry for your loss. You are not losing your mind. The loss of our love one is so hard. I had a similar experience in my church soon after my husband passed away in July 2011. I had to leave soon after I arrived there and cried all the way home. Didn't do anything rest of evening except stay on the couch and let my feelings out. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just know we are all here for each other. Sending hugs and special prayer your way tonight. Terry

I could have written this today. I thought I was starting to feel a tiny bit better, but then today it BAM, back to square one. Couldn't get any work done, just crying all day. I was ready to through in the towel. Total panic. So I guess what I am saying is, no you are not losing your mind, or if you are, I am too!

It must be that kind of day. Had the same thing happen to me today. Does it ever get easier? With the holidays coming it seems to get harder. This will be my first christmas and our aniv is Thursday.
Becky

It's not just you guys, I too had the same thing happen today. The whole day was very depressing today and I wanted to cry all day. As a matter of fact in sitting here at 9 pm thinking about just going to bed. I wonder if the full moon has anything to do with it. I know years ago I worked in customer service at the phone company up north and every full moon people were just nuts. Maybe it is affecting us as well.

OMG!!! Me too!!! Today it hit me like a ton of bricks. He's REALLY not coming back. There r days when I know it and other days when I REALLY know it. I 've been sobbing since noon also. I'm so sorry. I know how much it hurts. And hurts & hurts. I think the pain is so severe sometimes that its blinding. Those r the times I think I'm nuts & wonder how I'm going to keep going or why I should. Thank God (literally) it isn't like that all the time. I'm so sorry to all of us!!

Definately NOT losing your mind............rermember the first time I went to Menards without Norm..same thing happened...................better now but took a while......hang in there.......minute by minute..................Lori

Thanks everyone for the reasurance that im not losing my mind, but it was sure scarey the way it just came on without any warning, After crying for awhile I felt completly drained but pulled myself together & forced myself to eat dinner & now im laying on the couch again mindlessly channel surfing, wide awake & praying for sleep sometime tonight.

I'm sorry you had such a hard day. I am at over three and a half years and what you said "was" me at that point. It is not me now...but it was me then.

I cried every time I got in the car or was alone so I couldnt' go to a lot of the places...especially stores, etc that Denny and I always went to together. After I lost it over a package of pork chops in our regular store a couple minutes from our house....(They all had 4 in them and no packages of 2 for just one person...that's when it hit me that I wouldnt' be cooking for two anymore.....), I would go to a store to shop fifteen minutes from my house. I did that for about 4 months.

I just could hear my husbands voice saying things he always said at our regular store and that undid me every time.

I also left church three times.

I cried oceans....I am not kidding...oceans from about the 3rd month on for a long long time.

First our conscious mind has to face what has happened...then months later, our subconscious mind has to face it. It takes a long long time.

So...you are not losing your mind... You are grieving the loss of half of you. I am so sorry you too lost half of you.

This time of year too is the hardest. Hang in there. Treat yourself kindly and know that you are normal...it's your world that is not normal and has been turned upside down.

hugs...
-Diana

me too. it has been very bad lately. i believe this time of year makes it worse. you really can't hold it in all the time. i hope everyone finds some peace

Wednesday update- today isn't any better.....

There is nothing wrong with you. There will always be triggers that will remind us of our loss.

It is actually cleansing and healthy to cry. As much as you love/loved your spouse, you would not be human if you didn't.

Over the almost 3 years of widowhood, I have certainly cried my eyes out and filled as many buckets of my tears as anyone, I'm sure. It is unavoidable for most people, to cry and cry and cry. Perhaps that is helpful, although so very painful, because after a long, hard cry, I usually am exhausted and can rest or sleep afterwards. Then I seem to have less stress for a little while. But the monster returns, stabbing me in the heart, tearing my flesh, and haunting me with dreams of what could have been. Then my crying returns. It's all part of recovery and healing from the loss. It is good to be here and know that we are not the only ones who experience this. Anyone who doesn't experience this in unknown to me. Best wishes for a calm and peaceful day, knowing that you have friends here who know how you feel. For sure.........

This is the roller- coaster of grief. Also known as pits we fall into while navigating through the tunnel of loss. I also have heard it described as waves slamming into us. So many analogies, yet only those going through it can understand. Some days are worse than others. Early on it's moment by moment.

Normal? Only to us with the intensity of our emotions. Take heart, you will learn to stand firm in the storm or swim through the waves. I wish it would stop for all of us. Sharon

That happened to me in walmart too. I had to leave, left the cart and just walked out. Cried all the way home. Then cried more cus he was gone, he wasn't there any more when I came home. It's a rough road,,hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And on top of that I've moved to NY to be near family, living with my sister whichi I'm tired of. Can't find a job so I'm stuck here. Depressed and wonder why this happened to me. No you are not losing your mind, it's normal. I went to grief support group and guess what, lots of people go though it.
God Bless
Linda

As others have said, melted down yesterday and today hasn't been great either. I expected to feel better by virtue of "letting go" but today I am simply wasted. I'm so tired it's an effort to stand up & walk across the room. I know this is part of it. I know every day isn't like this. I expected the holidays to be rough. Also, my husband's illness started last year at exactly this time. Hospitalized, came home the day b4 Thanksgivng, only to return to the hosp shortly thereafter & never came out. Died 7 months later. Every day seems to bring something new to deal with about his being gone... Memories of how he suffered, regrets, wondering if I did the right things.... I know we all go thru the same. I am so grateful for all the support here and also to those of you who are further along and assure us that it won't always be like this! Thank you!!