Hi everybody.  I am trying to go on with life after losing my 44 year old son to a heart attack and then 9 months later lost my husband to lung cancer.  My husband was a very strong man and a hard worker who loved to help others.  He would give what he had to help others.  I miss him so much.  We lived on the farm and were very close.  Losing our son was devastating for both of us and we grieved together at his loss.  I am now grieving the loss of both of them.  I am wanting to have an auction to sell items I no longer need on the farm.  I want to sell the house and build a small house just a few miles up the road.  I try to keep my mind busy thinking about the auction, sale of the house and planning the construction of the new house, but at 1 a.m. I am often found sitting on my couch, crying and missing them so badly.  I don't know what to do.  I don't want to get up off the couch.  I leave the house to do things that have to be done, then come back and sit on the couch.  I just don't want to do anything.  I have not gone through my husband's clothes to give them away.  It's just too hard.  It's like if I give them away, I know he won't be coming back to use them.  In my heart I know he won't be back, but my emotions just won't let me give them up.  I've gained about 50 lbs. and it's difficult for me to stand up after sitting because my legs hurt.  My hips hurt from sitting.  I don't want to walk for exercise.  I'm just a mess.  I have to go on until God calls me home, too.  Has anybody else experienced this and if so, what helped you?