I am so sorry catsoup, I can't even imagine your pain with losing your precious and then your husband and partner. I lost my boyfriend almost 9 months ago. In the beginning it was really rough, my eyes were swollen and I was totally lost. It will get better though, please try to just take it one day at a time. I have also gained weight, as we use food for comfort and it tastes so darn good. I will pray for you, please, it will get better, day by day, stay strong and many blessings to you, hugs!!

We celebrated our 48th wedding anniversary in the hospital, both of us curled up in his bed crying and we just couldn't stop. We had been married since we were both 17.

Thanks, suddenlysingle, I sure hope you are right. It's been 4 months and I've spent since 1 a.m. this morning crying. I can't seem to keep it together.

Hi Catsoup. I am so sorry for your devastating losses. I can't even imagine losing both your son and your husband. My heart goes out to you.

Dealing with grief of this magnitude is like fighting a huge monster. It is strong, powerful, overwhelming, and at times debilitating. Although it does get easier over time, sometimes during the early stages when we can hardly function, we need to seek outside help. I would recommend you find a local grief support group, or a therapist. You might also want to see your doctor. Sometimes you need to take anti-anxiety medication to help you cope until you start to feel better. It's also important to see your doctor because stress can really take a toll on your health.

I'm coming up on 4 years. The early days were awful. I couldn't sleep or eat, and really didn't know how I was going to survive. Eventually it gets easier. Although life will never be the same again, and you will always miss your son and husband terribly, you can learn to live this new life and find some sort of happiness. This is a great group. You will find lots of support here. I hope you will reach out to us and also anyone else that you know who can give you support.

I bought boxes of Kleenex by the case when I first lost my husband, and always kept a box in the car. I didn't know a human could cry that much!!! Drink lots of water and please keep in touch with us.

Hugs
~ Lori

Hi, Lori. I have recently been thinking about joining a grief support group. Yes, tears and lots of them. Sometimes just out of nowhere I burst out crying, didn't even know the tears were coming. I am so sorry for your loss and so glad you are able to get on with your life. I'm sure, in the future sometime, I will be able to go on in some sort of normal way. No, it will never be the same without them.

I am so sorry for your losses. I lost my husband when he was only 44. It has been a little over 3 years now. I have three young adult sons and couldn't even begin to imagine how hurt you are. I find that writing in my journal helps. Its like pouring my grief out on paper by writing excerpts of letters to my husband. There are so many things I want to tell him so I write them down. I have also written letters to my sons which will go in my safe deposit box until I am called home to be with my love. These days are hard and if tears are flowing then by all means just let them. You need to release the pain and at this time tears are the outlet. I still have many days like that. Being here at DS is my saving grace. We all understand, you are not alone. No matter what time of day or night you can connect with someone. I don't have an option for a local grief group but if you do maybe that would be an option when you are ready. Listen to yourself and try to take care of yourself. Hugs
Lisa

Thank you Lisa. Yes it is very hard and I'm so sorry you lost your dear husband so young.

I understand what you are going thru. My husband passed away over 2 months ago and I too feel like a am going to have a crying storm every time I hear about him, talk about him, or see a picture. I joined a grief support group right away and continue seeing the same therapist my husband and I saw when we were married. He was a big believer in therapy so I want to continue honoring him.
We used to work out together, go on hikes and take Pilates classes. I have continued doing all of these alone even though I feel sad. My therapist said to embrace the pain and that everyday it will be less and less. I am a strong believer of life after death, so I went to see a medium who was able to channel him even though my Christian friends and daughter were appalled. In the end it brought me comfort and I will probably continue to do so from time to time. I Talk to my husband all the time and sometimes, I feel directed to do certain things. I try to pay attention to signs that he may be giving me.
I too wondered why God did not take me with him but I guess we must keep on going at least for the people who love us and fulfill whatever life purpose we have, if we can even figure out what it is.
As far as donating your husband belongings you can do that when you are ready. I donated some of his work clothes, the ones he rarely wore because he worked from home but I am also planning on moving out into another property we own and put my house on the market. Too many memories. I feel that I need a fresh start. I know that exercise isn’t something you want to do but going for a walk everyday in nature will make you feel so much better and make you stronger emotionally and physically. My therapist advises against taking drugs or getting a cocktail to numb the pain. Unfortunately we need to feel the pain to be able to get on the other side. Keep on reaching out to support groups on line or otherwise. Meet some people like you that you can relate too. Unfortunately the friends you had prior to losing your husband will not get it, at least not in the long run. They will become impatient and wonder why you’re not getting over it after a year or so. Take good care of your body, eat healthy, and exercise. You will honor your husband that way. Keep talking to him, read books on grief, and find your spirituality. For me it has been 2 months and I had to go back to work about a week after his passing. I teach little children and it has been rough but in the end it is helping me be around other people and colleagues who try to make me feel better. I wish you the best and keep in reaching out.

Sabiner, I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, talk to my husband. I visit his grave and tell him about things that are going on, about selling the place and building a little house for myself. I did a little Yoga last night and I felt a little better. I know that any exercise I get will help me. It is difficult to make myself do anything, but I will continue to try.

I wish you the very best and thank you for responding to my post.

I'm sorry for your multiple losses, Catsoup. It's so hard to lose one person, yet alone two. I'm giving you a link to this article about cumulative grief (multiple losses) for you to view:

https://weatheryourstorm.com/5155-2/

Please take care of your heart and take care of your health. It is very important that although you probably don't care about yourself at this point, you will need your body to do well in order for your spirit to heal. Hugs to you.

Eddie

Thank you for the link, Eddie. It looks like it will be helpful. I am realizing that I am going to have to get up off the couch and move some. I did take a couple of short walks today. At least it's a start.

Hi Catsoup125. You have my deepest sympathy. You mentioned that you went to a yoga class. That is a good start. Exercise helped me very much. I also got a lot out of joining a bereavement group at church. Try different things.
I too had multiple losses. My husband had a massive stroke , then passed away a week later. One month to the day, my sister passed away. It all happened between Thanksgiving and Christmas . With time I gained strength and acceptance. It just takes some time to get through. You will recover. You have a nice plan to build a small home for yourself. It will keep you busy and it's something very nice to look forward to. May Peace be with you. Hugs, Dolores

Hi catsoup125
As I read your post tears were streaming down my face.
My husband of 51 years passed away 8 weeks ago.
We had each other to lean on when our first son died at age 3 .
I had such a hard time dealing with our sons death and knowing that I was also pregnant with our second child.
Now I don’t have my husband. I am also lost without him. I know in my heart that now my husband and our son are together and one day I will join them.
Right now just taking one day at a time.
I will keep You are in my prayers.
Hugs
Judy

I'm nearly at 3 years in this aftermath, and the only thing I know for sure that has helped is time. I was a young 57 when she died. Now I am a very old 60. Grief has incredibly aged me. Sounds like the aftermath is as difficult for you as it was (and in some ways still is) for me. I lost about 30 lbs I didn't have to lose, but remembering to eat seems to be helping and I'm gaining some back. Maybe you can trade me some of your excess lbs? Seriously, we have to remember to take care of ourselves. Ain't nobody else going to do it for us now. Sad, but true. Hang in there. Scott

Give yourself permission and time to grieve your loss. So sorry that happened, hold on to the thought that they will always be with you, remember them, love them still. When I lost my husband, I sold my home, gave belongings away but after 2 yrs I regret everything. Let my emotions dictate my life. I wish someone would have told me to give myself a year and then make final decisions in my life. Give yourself time, allow yourself to cry and be a mess, tears are healing. You will find your way and don't be hard on yourself. We are all just trying to survive a broken heart.