Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
2/23 my husband of 18 years went in for hernia surgery and had a massive heart attack.
I can not process any of this. I am lost, sad, mad gut wrenching pain. He was the love of my life and I just dont know how I am going to move on. I have no kids or siblings. He was my world, and my life. We did everything together. Now I am trying to wade through all the emotions and legal things that need to be done.
I just want to be here with folks who get it and learn how to make it.
I can not process any of this. I am lost, sad, mad gut wrenching pain. He was the love of my life and I just dont know how I am going to move on. I have no kids or siblings. He was my world, and my life. We did everything together. Now I am trying to wade through all the emotions and legal things that need to be done.
I just want to be here with folks who get it and learn how to make it.
I have 2 close friends who are widows, one 4 years and the other 6 months, and they keep in constant contact.....but it is not him!
Again this morning the tears come as soon as I wake up....cried all day yesterday....is this normal? I can hardly bear it.
This has been the worst month of my life. My thoughts and moods change daily. The first days were a lot of "if only" I/we had done things differently. I don't think those thoughts as much now. Now it's anger. The littlest things will set me off.
Our oldest son has been married under 2 yrs. They don't get my sorrow. That things, places, each day has a lot of sorrow attached to it. It was so nice having them visit but I could tell any time I mentioned Ray's name the stiffened up. Not wanting the conversation to go there.
Our youngest son is totally different, he had a great connection to Ray. We can and do talk about him often, he'll tear up but we also can laugh at little things when we remember them.
The only thing I can say is I can "sometimes" control my tears and when they come. ie at the grocery store. But when I get home I loose it..But that's ok. This morning is the first morning I didn't lay in bed and cry. I'm actually up now for an hour and haven't cried yet. I have had that feeling in my chest well up but no tears.
I am living with teh hope that others say it gets better. I am longing for the days I can think of Ray and the thoughts make me smile instsead of bring tears. I so love and miss him. We worked together in sales and every day have been together, we liked "us" and this is a horrible way to live.
I have not gotten to the point of not crying when I wake up each day...some days the grief just swallows me whole. I just can't do this. His birthday is coming up at the end of the month, then Easter, then Mother's Day.....on and on.