Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My condolences to all who are grieving on this site. I suddenly lost my husband of 10 years 2 1/2 months ago. He was only 36. We have two children 13 and 8, some days I feel like I just can't go on. When I close my eyes I go back to the night the hospital called me and said he couldn't be saved. I can't help but to think if I just would've stayed with him instead of going home he'd still be here. How can someone be so healthy one day and and so sick the next. So unfair. I am so easily distracted by what could've been. And as much as people said they will be there they aren't. I never felt so alone.
The ride home took all of 10 minutes and the message was already on the answering machine to call the hospital as he was gone at the age 52. It was a shock and I played the what ifs game. It's part of trying to make sense of the whys ...Why him and not me etc... Guilt, anger, despair and yes immense loneliness. No one can understand what we are going through , it is quite the fight each day to care enough to breathe, to eat , to get up. My children were a huge factor for me to do what needed to be done .
I would do everything right all day long and then the gut wrenching pain would break lose at night ,leaving me crying for hours and unable to sleep. This board has help guide me on a saner journey of grieving.
My heart goes out to you. Handg
!
A local hospital or church might sponsor support groups. It helps to relate to those who have experienced such a profound loss.
We each grieve in our own unique way & time. The ups & downs level out after awhile.
Give yourself credit for getting out of bed, dressing, eating, caring for your children.
It's little steps...
Blessings
jdp
Please don't let the what ifs eat you up, you aren't being fair to yourself. I'm not a religious person, but if God wanted him, then we can do nothing to stop it. My wife was suffering terribly and the doctors told me if they worked hard they could probably get six more months of life in a facility. I turned them down and insisted that they let her go peacefully and they did. Now I sit here completely alone wishing I would have done something different. I live with that everyday, but I know deep down that I did the right thing.
In your case you had no real choice and even though you feel terrible, you have to face the fact that there was nothing you could do. Never forget that.