This is my second time around. My fisrst husband died on the job and left me with 2 small children. I remarrried and spent 36 years with a man who was my Angel even though I didnt know it all of the time but i became more aware of my love for him when in my soul I knew he was dying..we had 3 years alone together after All of ur children moved out..and i fell in love with him over and over everyday..The pain is Hell ..and then in time the light get through the cracks...I wake up everyday and am Thankful for the memories and sometimes that helps me, i used to love music and now it hurts again..I try and meditate and breathe..You do what ever makes you feel good. This is quite the journey we are in together. Keep on coming back we All need each other to understand we are Ok and we aren't as alone as we think. ((((Hugs)))

Thanks for your kind words.. Yes, music has a whole new meaning now, way beyond what it did before... I hear the lyrics now and it seems to come through in a timely manner, almost like a message from her... so many things have happened of a strange nature.. it gives me hope and yet seems to re-intensify my longing for her.. All memories are so painful now.....so bittersweet... I would truly love for even a small ray of light to penetrate this darkness my soul feels now..

I know how you feel, I lost my wife of 40 years in February. The rest of my family seems to have moved on, at least they all moved away, I'm the last one in this city and feel all alone in the midst of humanity. Every time I think I'm on the road to recovery a happy memory will turn and my mind will slip into memories of her last few weeks and the tears flow again. When I talk to our children on the phone I try hard to maintain the same external persona I always had so as not to worry them but at the same time suffering internally. I'm looking forward to the day the pain lessens and I can move on with my life. Take care and may that ray of light find you well. Dave

Dear, outoflevel, I'm sorry for your loss...My husband Dennis and I were married 50 years, high school sweethearts..He passed suddenly in his sleep and I found him...That was 18 months ago..I never thought I'd get to place where I finally feel at peace with his passing but I have for the most part...I think it's just the missing them and daily routine, coffee in the morning, planning our day, talking about whats new with our kids and grand kids. we liked the simple pleasures in life..We were each others best friends, I'm sure you can relate to that..;-)...They day before he died, we had done our yard and I had cut his hair..Then we sat on our deck and had a drink..He started talking about, how grateful he was for everything he had and much he loved me and the kids, he said he had, had a really great life..I said are you OK, I said your kind of scaring me the way you're talking. He talked about people in our life we had lost..and how much he loved the beautiful mountains we can see from our deck..a lot this was out of character for him..But I'm so grateful for that last day it was a special gift he gave me...Sometimes I think the soul knows when it's leaving...I wish there was a short cut through this grieve, but there isn't, I find you have to go straight through it..Never let anyone tell you should be over it in X amount of time...If you have to talk to your doctor, my daughter made me an appointment and me go..I'm glad I did, I had to take something for the anxiety, which for me was the worst....I have never been one to take anything..but I'm glad I did..
I don't take anything now...I found it best to have a daily routine..I'm fortunate to have good family support..and I'm healthy...Take care of you...Just remember as fortunate as you were to have had her in your life, she was also fortunate have had you in hers...My grand daughter said Grandma just think if you and Grandpa hadn't got married none of us would be..kind of put it in prospective, what life is really about..Love....Well I hope I haven't bored you..;-) Come here often there are lost of wonderful people willing to share their journey with you and help as best they can...Like Dennis always used say when I was having a bad day, this too shall pass, better days are coming..;-)
Peace and prayers.....Gail...Don't cry because it's over..smile because it happened.....

Thank you, Gail... yes, we were high school sweethearts also.. Had a large family and many Grandkids.. I've thought about your Granddaughters words most of our married life, If i hadn't chosen her and she accepted and chosen me, none of them would be here now.. Yes, mygod yes. life is about love.. thankyou so much for your insight..

Hello,

I am so sorry for your loss. It is good that you have such a supportive family, I'm sure just having them available helps to provide you strength. You are very blessed to have had her in your life and your large family and grandchildren are a testimony to your lives together.

Please continue to seek support from family and friends and keep us updated here.