Ya KNOW what after 6 years 18 days I hear ya. I exist, I do ok, I am maintaining my health, I had to go back to work, I am doing it but is this all there is to life. Our lives were as two together, alone is just not fun YES I have laughter, Yes I have some good things but at the end of the day....SO I am sorry I wish I had some answers. I am not depressed just exasperated and at age 66 I can not see getting involved with anyone again. SIGH and a big HUG from the PNW

until now can't find the answers why it had to be this way.

After years of marriage then going through the loss and grief one become "comfortable" living in their sadness like it keeps one connected. 18 years is a very long mourning but we all process our loss in our own time and our own way. Your husband would not want you to live in continued grief. I am not suggesting you get over the loss, we never do, but I do hope you take the opportunity to be good to yourself and allow life to bring you some joy. Being lonely is no pleasure,

Ty ive been trying so hard to bring back at least joy in my life but cant find it. I just dont know maybe this is my fate or nobody just wants me the way I am.

Time, really is just a vapour.
18 years, can seem like a blink of an eye, to someone who is grieving.
If we can encourage and support you, we are here for you. Would you be comfortable telling us more about your story?
Take care..........Sandra

He died when he was 34 y/o of heart problems, i was 28 pregnant with our 2nd child n with a 7 y/o boy at the time. We were only martied for 8 yrs. it was a very huge struggle for me raising our 2 kids n when theyre growing older they didnt want me to have another man in my life coz they said that theres no one like their dad, so i didnt. But now that they are hrown ups, I now feel that i know someday i will be alone n thats my greatest fear now. I have loved my husband since the day we got married until now. How i wish that after my 2nd child finished her studies next year, i can be with my husband again. So sad n so tough being in this situation. Everyday is just a struggle battling with this loneliness..

I'm so sorry, for your loss, you have struggled so long in your grief. I understand how devastating it is.
You have done an amazing job of raising your children, alone. Without realizing it, you have survived a gruelling journey of grief, at the expense of your own self.
Not many people can do that, and still have the will and fortitude to seek support.
You are here, and we will support and encourage you in any way we can.
Can you seek out any grief support grief groups in your community ?
It's so important for you, to make YOUR Decision, now, start to take care of your desires and needs in order to see a joyful, glimmer of light, for YOUR future. Part of that is to seek out people, who understand where you are coming from. In a local grief group, you will be able to connect with people, face to face. That will help open up a door for you.
It will be baby steps, but you can do it!! YES, you can, It will take lot work to gain some insight, also, lots of determination, I truly believe that you are, a proven survivor!
The love you have for your husband will never die, it only makes you stronger., for you to lIve your life to the fullest.. That is what your husband would want for you.....For you to have joy and to thrive for YOU, You are worth it!!
Please know, we are here for you, If you have questions, if you want to vent. There is no judgement here,,,,, we know your pain and feelings. Be kind to yourself...you will be ok.
Hugs and love....,Sandra.

Ty so much sandra as in ty so much. It felt so good having someone like u to tell me all those things. Yah i have been searching some support groups with whom I can talk to or open with them. Know what? Maybe its only now thats really sinking in that my husband is gone coz with the past 18 yrs although i am so lonely but then again im so very busy as well in earning so i can provide the basic needs of children that i forgot all about myself. Ty for telling me to be kind to myself coz i think i just put myself to death when my husband left me. It means a lot to me. I just dont know what kind of group support i would be needing to go through. Tnx so much for ur encouraging words.

Hi myj
It's great that you are taking time for you. I found a Grief Share group, which was local, to be a great help for me. It is a faith based group, just to let you know.
If you google the name, you can zoom in on a place in your area. Your community offices may be able to help direct you to different groups too.
Please read some of the posts here, they will help you to realize, you are not alone in your experience....
(RaininSeattle ) also has some wonderful journals and information for you to get started. You can make a friend request, in order to read them.
Myj, keep us posted on how you are doing......,we care!!.....have a great Saturday!
Hugs and love......,Sandra

Oh myj my heart goes out to you. We all are struggling with not having our loved one. My husband died frim stage iv cancer in 2014. I have no family in immediate area so I spend my time in the house alone, though I am active in volunteering, classes, etc. life has not been the same. I do still attend a support group and it helps to share and have the support. Go on line and maybe something will pop up. We are here for you...

Ty so much n im trying to search for group that I can go to. Its just that at the end of the day its still gonna be the same. Sorry if im like this its just that its been very lonely. Tnx for ur response.

myj,
I am having difficulty, too, finding happiness. When your life has been turned upside down and is one that you have not chosen, it is more than what one would call difficult. At times, I feel as if I am only drudging through life and continue to live among those that have passed and not those who are around me. Not only did I lose my husband six years ago, but I have lost my two brothers, their wives, and my sister since then. Who would have ever thought that I would end up so alone? Fortunately, I do have children and grandchildren; but this is still a very lonely existence. Once I walk into this house after being away, it is just me and all the memories. I feel like I am drowning in them. I don't know if you have access or it is financially possible for you, but I did start seeing a grief counselor several months ago; and this has really helped me through some really dark periods. Possibly, a grief counselor could help you. I do know that I want to learn to live again and find some happiness. After all, I believe that we have been left here for a reason; and I am still searching for that reason. Please know we all understand your grief and hope that you can find some peace. Roxanne