I think that if it were me I would let them go, they are not the friends that you thought they were it sounds. They have no right to tell you how you should be feeling, how long you should be grieving the loss of your husband, they have no clue what your feelings are, your thoughts, your pain, you are the only one who can tell you what path you are to take on this journey and you alone. There is no body who has been on that journey with you, not them or us here on DS, our losses are unique we may be traveling down similar roads but never will they be the same. These so called friends have no idea and I wouldn't give them the time of day if they have cut you because of how you are dealing with your loss and how you are trying to live again without him. I just don't get where people get off telling you, me, us how to feel, behave, live. It is beyond comprehension. I am sorry you have to deal with this. You keep doing what you feel is best for you and don't give a damn what others tell you on how to grieve. I hope I didn't go to far here but it makes me so made that people would do that to others when they have no clue or right. Peace and Love to you
Laurie

You have the right to be you and be happy. No one can tell you how to grief and how long.it should be. Hugs.

I totally agree with the above responses. A gift of the grief process is often clarity in who true friends are and those that arent or worse toxic to your growth and healing. No one has the right to tell you how to grieve or for how long. It is a personal, intimate and private journey on so many levels. The regrets, lessons and coming to peace with them being in heaven are all natural aspects of the journey. If your friends(I use the term loosely) cant love you unconditionally I agree with Laurie you may have to let them go. It sounds like to me you Are very much on the right path. There is no right or wrong we just stumble along the best we can. God bless. Gerry.

I agree with the other posters here, let them go. No one has the right to make comments or pass judgement on your grieving process, let alone someone who has never experienced this type of loss. I have lost "friends" in this process too. People who I thought would have my back have exited from my life, long time friends, and it hurts. And there are a couple friends who have stepped up that I certainly did not expect. You need to do what is right for you, and only you. Be strong and be happy.

You need to do what is right for you, as we do all heal at different rates, I'm still struggling at 19 months, but that's me. I'm always thrilled when I see anyone who has been able to move forward. Why others think they know how long we should grieve is a mystery to me. True friends would be happy for you and help you to move forward.Maybe give them time and they will come around.

Russ

I also agree with the other posts. They are truly not your friends because they should be happy for you and the fact that you are honoring your husband's wishes by living the full and complete life he wanted you to have.

Sage advice from the other posters here. Discerning the true from the fairweather friends is a part of this process. I do not know your circumstances, but if your late spouse was enduring a long illness, that also tells us who real friends are (and it can be quite surprising to learn that those we feel are the closest friends are not there to help, and yet those peripheral acquaintances are a solid rock of support). It sounds as though you've experience enough grief, and that these two "friends" seem intent on forcing you to feel guilt over your recovery process. You are much stronger without such people.

Have you ever heard the concept that some people come into your life for a reason, some for a season, and others for a lifetime? In essence, not all friendships are forever. People come together sometimes just out of temporary need - whatever their common need at the time is. Once that need disappears, the friendship ends.

It doesn't make you a bad person for not needing to be miserable along with them. My guess is that they are afraid because they see you making all these strides forward while they are still stuck, and they are afraid they will be doubly alone -- not only having lost a spouse but also a grief buddy.

It's a tough call. If they have cut you loose, then no problem if you want to continue moving forward with your life without them. I get the impression that you feel they are judging you, and doing that unfairly. If that is the case, let them go. In all likelihood, the friends you lose will simply be making room and energy available for new friendships.

And like some of the others, I had surprises as to who stepped up when others had failed me. There were terrible hurts, but there were incredible positive surprises, too.

One thing that I always found disturbing is that people who would never have dared to tell me how to live my life under ordinary circumstances suddenly thought they had the right to tell me how to live once I became a widow. I became a widow, not an idiot, and I truly did not appreciate people talking to me like I had suddenly become a child or something. And I did have the full gamut from extreme criticism to full unbridled support when I started a new relationship.

The bottom line is that no one but you can live your life. I feel sorry for your friends for their inability make any progress, but that should not prevent you from living your life as fully as possible.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I agree with everyone's comment that you should let them go. You do not need negative energy in your life right now. It sounds like you are moving along just nicely and it gives me hope that I too can do the same. I have people telling me how I should feel and it just irritates the hell out of me. And like Martha, I have been treated like a child which really makes me mad. It is your life and nobody else's!!! You do what makes you happy!!! Mike would nothing else for you but that. Sending hugs. Sue

I would let them go on with their ignorance of what it means to lose the person who meant life for you. Try not to let anger at them enter your heart. Although it's hard, I know after losing my husband of 40 years married I gained a new understanding of what my friends went through when I forgot to understand the importance of their loss. Sharon

Hi Kymberly. I agree with most of the posts here. I would let go of the friendships at this point because they are not able to support what you need right now. But don't be too hard on your friends. They just can't comprehend what you're going through. Let them go....but do it in the spirit of love. Don't take their shortcomings too personal. I remember reading posts here early on in my grief, how becoming a widow/widower re-writes your address book. How true! I'm surprised at the friends that have been unable to support me emotionally through this journey, and also surprised at some of the ones that have! I have always been so impressed with your posts and journal entries. You have such a positive, can do attitude. You have handled your loss/grief in a way that sets an example for us all. I am glad you have found happiness, and I know that you loved your husband, are still grieving his loss, and will miss him forever!