Thats exactly, to the letter , how i feel. I dont miss someone beside me. I miss her being there and if anyone else were there it would remind me of how much I loved her being there. I don miss being kissed, or holding hands, or anything couples do. I miss doing those things with her.
I also see it as I only have one chance to get this right and all it takes is one moment to get it all wrong. i hope to be able to face her again one day and say i got it right all along.
Ive entrenched this in my mind for me alone, and not a standard anyone else should feel they have to live up to or whatever. its just me in my grief, and the thing that keeps me motivated.

Yes. I know it sounds crazy but I feel like I don't want to pollute the purity of the love we shared. I love my husband. There is no room for anyone else in my heart or headspace. And that's the way I want to keep it.

Gee guys, all your posts are really pulling at my heartstrings. I have read every one and all I'm thinking is "Yup, that's me." I am entering my second year. It feels like retaliation sometimes because I often think that I didn't ask to be in the position. It was given to me, so if I can't have my husband back, I don't want anyone else.

I desire companionship, but I want it with my husband. Not a new partner, not a new love. I want the one I had. Obviously I can't, so I make the best of my life any way I can.

I am doing a good job of taking care of myself and my financial responsibility. If I want companionship, I socialize with one of my good friends. If I want to express love, I hug my cat or tell my family I love them. Hugs and kisses are in order right along with it.

Companionship can be found in a friend, a pet, socializing in outside activities, or volunteering. Love can be expressed in so many ways.

Society has the misconception that deceased spouses are just as disposable as a toaster or a car.

Like most of you, I feel and know my husband is with me every minute of every day. I talk to him, I smile at our pictures. My heart is full of love for him and no, there is no room.

I was exceptionally touched by the woman who posted on this thread after her fiance had been gone 25 years. It was a heartwarming post, to say the least.

I lost the love of my life and my true soulmate 1 year and eleven months ago. I miss him every minute of every day, I catch his eye in the pictures I have around the house and still cant completely get my head round the fact that he's really never going to walk through the door again. I have a loving family and nice things still happen but they are always tinged with sadness because he isn't here to share in those happy times. I will always be in love with him, I just go about my days doing what is needed and talking to him, asking for his help sometimes and missing him, missing him, missing him.....

That is exactly how I feel. I didn't meet Rob till I was 37 and he is truly the love of my life. By that age I had married the wrong man and divorced and dated enough to know that when we met and fell in love, it was forever. Our lives were so intertwined and we did everything together; both of us being massive homebodies and enjoying our family time. Kinda like the song "there will never be another you another me" .. our love will last forever and I just can't wait to be with him again.

lovingrob, sounds like the dating scene was a disaster most of the time. But that's not why I posted.

My husband always said that if something happened to me, he would not marry again. He was set in his ways and didn't want anyone to change or try to change him. But the #1 reason was that he knew there wasn't anyone who could come close to what he had in me. It isn't any surprise that I always felt the same way.

There are so many people who can't understand how we have no interest in entering the dating scene, acquiring a companion, or remarriage. Our primary physician, when he saw me after my husband had passed, told me not to ever close any doors for I might want a companion one day. He probably thought it was good advice at the time, but it was totally inappropriate. I felt insulted and hurt, and to this day really don't care if I ever see him again. And he was the only primary my husband and I preferred to see.

Oh I can certainly related. Brian and I were definitely soulmates. From the moment we first met it was as if we had known each other all our lives. He was the one person who could always make me smile no matter how rotten my day had been. He would comfort me when I was scared or anxious and I always felt so safe with him. We just absolutely loved being together and the love that we shared was so strong. The ten years that we spent together were without question the happiest years of my life. I will never have that kind of happiness and sheer joy ever again. He has been gone six months and my heart still aches as much as it did on day one. I have already had people telling me that I am young enough to find love again and that one day I will be able to move on with my life. I don't want to find love again, because I am still in love with my husband and I always will be. Only people who have been through the kind of loss we have experienced can truly understand how it feels. Losing a loved one is always hard, but losing a true soulmate is a whole different kind of pain.
Susan

Susan, regarding people, I fail to understand why they believe that finding love again with another partner is the answer to moving on with your life. I have been in the company of other widows since my husband passed. It doesn't matter how old we are, or how long we were with our partners. Samaritan Hospice has a saying, "You grieve as hard as you loved". That 100% sums it up.

There are widows and widowers out there who lost a spouse in their younger years. They have reformed a life they are happy with and they have remained unattached. I have only met the ladies who continue to wear their wedding rings, still go by "Mrs.", and tell me they are still their husband's wife, still love his just as much, or more, talk to him often or his picture, and they have no desire to date, have a companion or remarry.

I am in my mid-50's and I got that shoved at me so much, especially within two months after my husband had passed away. Totally disrespectful - not only to me, but to him. I have no regard for the people who have shoved it in my face, and I thought they were my friends. Right. They can "move on".