Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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looking for my new routines

maryelnew
maryelnew
the time has come to get my scattered brain back in gear, it's been a little over 9 months now and I need to make a jump start to get myself/my home more organized. I never seem to have enough time in my days to get done what I want and when I do the weariness just comes crashing in and I lose my motivation. A few of my friends say I am rushing it and that I am moving at a faster pace than I realize, but I need to do this for me and just can't figure out how to start. I have a staycation coming up in a few week that I took for just me, but I know in reality I will probably only reserve a few days that truely are just me and that is ok. I have friends/family I want to catch up with, but I also really have a need to find my own routine. Any tips, suggestions from those further along on how you made that transition from "we" to the "me" would be appreicated. I'm not taking about the "me" that we do because we have to because there is no more "we", but the "me" when you reached the point that you knew you had to consciously decide who you want to be in this new reality.
cgriff4ever
cgriff4ever
just take one staycation at a time. If you don't want to do anything, then just do nothing. If you get motivated to tackle one thing the whole week, then you've accomplished great things. To me it's not what you do, but the growth you experience in this awful grief.... Be gentle, and just enjoy staying in bed, visiting with some friends, and maybe just set one goal, for the timeframe. Just don't be too hard on yourself.. You deserve some you time. much love and big hugs carla
carrie415
carrie415
I'm with you Mary, coming on 9 months and ready to make me, "me". I am going on a vacation with a few girls for six days leaving this weekend..that alone will be the start of me staying in my own hotel room, not sightseeing with him. I almost cancelled the trip but decided I have got to do this to even entertain the notion of moving forward. I bought a few new outfits and jewelry and pocketbook which felt weird because I always loved to have his approval on what I purchased, and he always gave it to me. Now, it's just me. As I posted in the past,,,he did not show up for our birthdays, 25 Anniversary, holidays, so,,,he isn't coming home, ever. I know some people will see this as rushed, but 9 months feel like a long long time to be without him. I get to see the empty chair everyday, 24/7, they just visit it on occasion. I know now I have accepted this reality and hope you embrace it for yourself soon. Be kind to yourself,,,Hugs, c
scottito
scottito
Ya'all be sure and share with us how you made that we to me transition when you get there. In the meantime, have wonderful vacations! ~ Scott
letmehelpyou
letmehelpyou
Well I have two suggestions. 1. When I first started out, I concentrated on things that made me feel more "me" more centered in myself. I found that walking helped me clear my head and concentrate and I found that I entered into a "zone" when drawing or painting. I took that me time, and it energized me to power through the tasks that I had to accomplish and set up a new routine for myself.

2. I am reading a book called "the Happiness Project". It is not for widows or widowers but is more about one woman trying to lead a more fulfilling life. I have found it interesting and I am going to try implement some of her ideas and suggestions.

Let us know how it goes!
Hugs,
Val
sassiesoftail
sassiesoftail
I got extremely organized. I put closet organizers in and got rid of a lot of unneeded things, less to dust around. I also joined a gym, walking was great but I needed something more. I have now started a 6 week crossfit challenge.
It's wierd but I have become OCD with things and cleaning. I need everything neat, organized and clean. I was never like that before.
I should mention that I am getting along famously as a me, but I hate not being a we, I loved being a WE.
Hugs, Sandi
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
I began my journey with the first step identifying who I am as an individual. My role as wife and mother defined me even though I worked full-time I a hospital. That was my motivation in life. When my husband died my children were adults with their own families. We were beginning to start our retirement plans. Instead I found myself alone.
I began by changing my home . I moved the bedroom to a totally different appearance mirroring my taste. We had moved into an apartment after selling our house. My son in law made structural changes turning two bedrooms into a beautiful open living room. In time I bought new furniture. I made my own life and my own home.
I began to travel, beginning with short trips and then cruises to other places. It's a slow process and it's easier to accomplish this in small pieces. Break down the big goals into manageable pieces. Sharon
sandeestttn
sandeestttn
I also am looking for a different routine. It seems I have the same one. Cleaning...Why do I have to clean all the time? Wash sheets o Friday, bake on Friday for the weekend. Do all laundry up...Go to grocery store...So, now.... Weekends are no different than any other day. They have never been.... I HAVE TO GET A LIFE!!!!!
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