Catina, I am so sorry for your pain. Your words really hit home, especially today. I have cried all day, missing my husband so much. I live in a small town, too - actually about 20 minutes from town, out in the country - and this was our haven together, where we spent so many hours together dreaming and scheming about the future, and enjoying even the mundane day-to-day things together. Even when we were at work, we would check in with each other throughout the day. The loneliness is unbearable for me, too. I tried spending time with a few people last night, but that was really hard, as it made me miss my sweetheart even more. He was that one special person in my life who really understood me and loved me unconditionally. And I loved him that way, too. ((((hugs)))) to you - I know how much it hurts!

It is difficult but not impossible. They say it just takes time and I believe them. I'm better today than I was when Juanita passed nearly 8 months ago, but honestly, I will never be the same (in some ways worse, some ways better). What I know for certain is whatever is ahead for me will not include who was for many years the most important person in my life and my one and only true friend. We've just got to realize that our spouse's do not want us to be all sad -- we've been given the gift of life into the future, and it is up to us what we do with this gift. I can hear my Juanita say, "Go for it Scottie, Live life while you can". I know, its not that easy, but we push forward knowing better days have to be ahead for all of us. I am less worried today than ever before, because about any situation the comes at me now, all I have to do is tell myself, What's the worse that could happen....Oh, right, it already did, she's dead. Kind of helps put things into perspective and takes all my fears away. We had our very first kiss on new year's eve 32 years ago -- I had long forgotten about that until yesterday, and then today, I saw all of last years Christmas decorations I had thrown into the shed in between doctor appointments last January thinking I would get to them. I am reminded of a lyric from an old Bob Seger song, Against the Wind: "Wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then". Thank God I didn't know consciously what was ahead -- I never would have made it. So hang on with all you've got -- use each and every one of us -- we are each other's life rafts, and together, we shall all get through this. May we all have the happiest of new years (I know mine can only be better than my last. God bless everyone. ~~ Scott

I'm so sorry...I don't think it matters where you live when this kind of tragedy strikes...I'm in a large city, and I feel isolated from others...take care..

I'm so sorry you're hurting so bad. I have a tiny suggestion that will be insufficient, I know, but I used to go to the library in the early days of grieving. I'd browse the bookshelves, sit in the reading room with magazines, look at the bulletin board announcements. Just being around people helped a little, and invariably I'd get interested in something I read and go home and google it. Just an hour or two of relief on those dark, dark days. I wish you some relief, however you can find it.

I live in a small town, too. It's a mixed bag. When my husband first passed I wasn't able to just get out as someone was always wanting to offer condolences. But then people care. You are right in that there are not a lot of organizations, but volunteer work is pretty easy to get as there is usually more need for help than people to give help. Think of an area you are interested in and just ask to help. You can meet people with similar interests. I would volunteer at the animal shelter, but i am allergic to cats, so I'm thinking food bank early this year sometime. Someone mentioned the library. They use volunteers, too.

Yes, the loneliness is the worst. I sat down a week after my husband passed and thought hard about how I would go on without him. He was my love, my life and I was so heartbroken. So I joined a support group right away. All I would do is cry those first few meetings. I had no family here -- though I have lots of family all spread out. So had to go through this with lots of girlfriends, most are still married. I volunteer at two different organizations, take two classes, also help with a neighbor who has stage iv cancer and go visit a 94 year old lady under hospice care. It has all helped, kept me focused on moving forward... The ladies I met in the support group - well we have great friendships, go to the movies, have dinner out, share what is going on once a week. I am very thankful to have them in my life. Slowly healing....

I wrote that to a friend recently, "It's the loneliness that will eventually do me in."

I still experience couple envy. In fact, Christmas photos with intact families in general, really got to me this year.

I am sorry for your losses, I wish none of us needed to be here.
It will get easier in time, be gentle with yourself and know that you are not alone in your despair.

Love and Peace,
Sue

I agree Sue,,,I dislike that I have couple envy. I think that I was that couple at one time..Today I am having late lunch with friends of ours (a couple) and they will sit and talk, talk, talk, (brag) about all their upcoming trips and adventuresI will sit and grind my teeth. The only reason I go is because I do not want to lose our old friends of 20++ years. They do not realize they are doing it,,,,(I think). I still come home Catlina like you to a lonely home at the end of the day

It will get better and it does take time. Unfortunately, we are a society of quick fixes and I have never been so impatient as I was wanting to get through the initial grief. March 24 will be 3 years. I still experience loneliness but not like the first 2 years. I know now, that if I want to, I can reach out to somebody.
Scott is right. The worst that can happen has already happened and the best is still ahead but we have to be open to it. Life is meant to be lived. The most difficult part is unraveling ourselves from being a couple and the future we expected.
I don't understand grief but I know it intimately. Be kind to yourself. What would you say or do for a friend who was experiencing what you are? Do that for yourself. Sending (((hugs))).

I feel for you. I am in the same boat so I really do know how bad it is.xxx

Scott thanks so much for your words. I try to be positive every day although it is hard sometimes. But you words are so true! Hope we all can embrace the positive through the pain.

'embrace the positive through the pain' is a very good thought, smarshall. catina, i am sorry you feel so alone. i feel lonely a lot too, even when i am with family and friends. i have even felt couple envy carrie. doing some volunteer work will hopefully ease these feelings as i plan on doing so this coming year. i also started going back to church (a different one) and am finding out that i get some peace trying to let God fill in some of those empty places. I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone. I am grateful to have found this site. kind hugs :)