We do what we can and when we can. Sometimes we call it 'baby steps'. Keeping busy is good, but these feelings of loss need to be acknowledged and worked through. As a woman, I am all about feelings. I don't know if you are or your wife was as we are all different. In fact, I should delete that 'As,a woman' it could get me chastised in today's PC world. I'll be brave and hope others will understand.
Back to the topic, I am very sorry for your loss and wish you well on this unpleasant journey we walk. Sharon

I'm very in touch with my feelings for my wife. I cried almost every day for the first year. Now the tears are mostly dried up and the deep loneliness has set in. It's hard to concentrate and I go from one thing to another. I can't just relax. The house is so quiet. My wife used to chatter all the time and even when I wasn't listening too closely her voice was comforting to me.

Lou,
My Charlie has not been gone as long as your wife. He died April 9 of this year. We were married for 45 years. I was in the middle of retiring when I lost him so I can relate to the empty house. We never could have children so we spent all our time together. Most of the time, the loneliness is unbearable but I've found that others can't fill that loneliness for me.

I do find help coming here to write. Everyone is interested in what you say. It may help you to tell us about her and your life or even just how you're feeling on a particular day.

Most days I have no idea how I keep going. There just doesn't seem to be a choice.

Come back and talk to us.

Julie

We first dated in junior high school and went to all the high school dances and proms together. We got married in 1972 and had our son in 1974. She became disabled and chronically I'll in 1977. When I was able to drive we used to like Sunday morning rides and go to another state for breakfast. We just bought a new place to live and had so many plans. When we were dating we used to love to go roller skating and to the drive in movies. My oldest grandaughter will be 12 this month and was very close to my wife. She spends every other weekend with me and has a bedroom here.

I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. I understand the loneliness and how the quiet can be unbearable. I turn the television or radio on the moment I wake up or walk in the door because the silence is unbearable. I sometimes feel like a "caged animal" pacing not knowing what to do with myself. I found going for a walk or getting out of the house helps. It is hard to keep going but I feel in my heart I have a purpose....it definately is a work in progress. I understand, big hugs Lu Ann

My husband has been gone 2 yrs this October, I work all I can to stay busy, and the same with me, when I come home, I don't know what to do with myself.I'm totally loss without my hubby, I pray to God everynight to take care of my hubby and my daughter who was stillborn in 1982 and of course my "favorite" nephew Randy who passed away last July at the age of 30.

Take care,

Cathy

My husband died on Valentine's Day this year, so I'm at 6 1/2 months. I can relate to the restlessness you mention. I've made it through the denial stage and THINK I've almost reached the end of the guilt stage. I want to get on with my life - whatever that entails. I think that's what causes the pacing and restlessness but haven't figured out yet what I'm supposed to DO.

I have been walking each morning through a nature preserve nearby and then driving to the cliffs along the Pacific Ocean (I'm on the Central Coast of California) where I either walk along the cliffs or read in my car there (I can't read at home...my computer calls my name when I'm in the house and I always succumb). Both of these things help to settle my uneasiness. I'm not sure how long this feeling will last, but, although I find peace in these activities, I HATE it.

I also talk on the phone, usually to people I've met on this website, because they can totally relate to what I'm going through. And, I talk to my husband (behind closed doors, of course :) ), because I believe he has become my guardian angel. (Tell THAT to anyone in the "other world" and they'll have you locked away.) He "speaks" to me and guides me, just as he did in this life, it just takes a little longer for him to get through.

All of these things are a great distraction and I believe they're helping me prepare for the next step in the grief process, whatever that may be. But, at this point, I'm ready for anything. It certainly beats the continuous crying and despondency of the first half year.

Sharon is right about the baby steps...and, I will add, one step at a time. I believe we will all make it, no matter what our timeline. The "it" I refer to is this horrible abyss into which we've all fallen and our wretched climb up and out.

Please come here often and share with all of us. This site and all its members have been a godsend to me. It's nice to be in a circle of friends who understand exactly what each of us is going through and who support us 100%.

Hugs,

Terry

I want to thank everyone for their responses. I think it's harder at night coming home to an empty house and on the weekends with no one to care what I do and no one to talk to. I also miss sitting on the couch with her and watching a movie. Now I only put the TV on for noise.

I think loneliness is the hardest part of our facing our lives without them when it was not our choice.

I believe we will always be sad they are gone and deal with that fact but the loneliness just does not have any answers.....other than finding someone to talk to that will listen....going out and keeping busy....getting involved in some worthwhile cause....still I have to say coming home and being in the house alone SUCKS...FOR me just keeping up with our 5 acres myself keeps me going YET at times I just sit down and say this is tooooo much

AND I am sorry your loss so suddenly, WHen my husband had his heart attack out of state I did not even get to say goodbye...BUT after 2 yrs I have found I am doing it.....going ahead.....now its time to go watch the news...HUGS from the PNW

At first I didn't. I sat home and cried. I watched tv and cried. I worked and cried. Finally the tears stopped, but not inside. In short, I learned how to hide how I really felt.

It's been two years for me. Now there are very few tears inside or out. There's just a longing for what I lost, but I have established a new life. I literally forced myself to get out there again. I don't date. Have no desire to do so, but I'm a member of a few women's clubs and recently joined a health club. I exercise a lot, taking my frustrations out on whatever activity I'm involved in. It helps with the stress and it's hard to be lonely in a club full of people. I'd say getting back into physical activity is one of the greatest mood lifters for me, but God is the one who keeps me on my feet.

I so the alone part. Without my wife I am just a ship lost at sea. At 1 year I hated going home so much it was awful. I have gotten a new job and with that come so new friends and new challanges. Home is still alone but I guess doing something made me feel better.

I so totally understand the "not knowing what to do with myself" part! I used to pace...just pace..it's a wonder I didn't wear a rut in the floor between the living room, dining room and kitchen! My husband was my life. He had so many health issues that I stayed busy all of the time taking care of him, the house, the yard, the critters and what ever else needed taking care of. Everyday was full.....and then all of a sudden it wasn't.....I re-discovered time...but I didn't know what to do with it. After thinking about what to do with the rest of my life (I'm 67 years young), I decided to go back to school. Initially, I was just going to take a non-credit class at the community college, then I figured, "well, why not shoot for the moon and enroll as a full time student and work towards a degree". So that's what I've been doing since spring of this year and I love it. It's helping me to find me again; and getting out of the house and among other students and teachers is expanding my world which had been pretty closed for a lot of years due to hubby's health issues. Also on my agenda is to find some volunteer work to do a few hours a week. One thing at a time....as the other Sharon says..."baby steps"..... . We're always going to miss our loved one and I'm thankful for the 30 years my husband and I had together. But I figure the good Lord has me here for a reason, there must still be work and sharing for me to do, so I'm doing my best to figure it out. I am sorry for your loss, this is a difficult adjustment to make. You'll get there. Be patient and gentle with yourself and know that you are here for a reason, you still have special gifts that only you have to make our world a better place.. Blessings. Sharon