Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
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Loneliness is a social disease.

Girldawg1
Girldawg1
I've thought much about this lately. We're not prepared as a society to effectively deal with the issue of loneliness and social isolation. We are in our little family groups, we move around, often with family/friends scattered around the country. This is acceptable and just how life is. In the case of a spouse dying, the surviving partner is left to fend for themselves and figure it out. Oh sure, there's resources. That doesn't solve the problem. Those that have extended family and friends in the area are somewhat buffered. However, everyone around you goes back to their life, tells you to call if you need anything. On the flip side, most of us don't do anything to effectively prepare ourselves for such a course of events. Who wants to think about the worst case scenario happening and what one would do?? How would we proceed to even prepare if we could?? Some prepare by having life insurance - that solves many issues but doesn't make you any less alone. So, we're left with reinventing our life and ourselves and maybe join a club, take vacation, get a hobby or make new friends. Perhaps we may eventually get a new family, depending on our age, circumstances and how inclined we are to do that. I realize it is a complicated social issue; a 'disease' that we have no real solutions for.
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
The loss is great and so intense it feels untrue, at least it did for me. I remember telling the social worker from hospice the next day "my life has died with him."

That described my next months of my life and that life did die. The good news is we can make it through the tears and pain. Easy it's not and the distance is far. The best help for me was knowing my friends here understood and believed in me when I had nothing but loss. My best wishes to you. Sharon
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know if it is a social disease, it's just something I haven't had to deal with in 30 years. So it's another part of the void left when my wife died. I go out with friends and family on a regular basis, but I'm still off balance because my right hand is gone. I guess that's why some men go out and remarry, because that balance is hard to regain on your own. But I'm trying to regain that balance, so I can move into the next phase of life wounded but whole.
rochelle1466
rochelle1466
The depth of the lonliness is so beyond anything we could have imagined. I honestly never had a friend or anyone i associated with lose a spouse. I, at 45 was the youngest in the few friends i had and the first to be widowed. Their phone calls or instistance on knowing what was best for me did nothing for my lonliness. I love the support of my mom (who was widowed at age 27) and my aunt and of course my daughter who needed me so much. After the first year, the lonliness became more 'in my face' and forced me more inside myself. Without knowing it, i did make a friend, she is single, i love to laugh and talk with her. I have gotten closer with a cousin, who is divorced. I started really getting back into exercise, different things but being sure to do it at my local YMCA to push myself out....work helps keep me routine 8-4...approaching the two year mark, looking back, it was not the lonliness my being alone that was a friend to me as well, it gave me time to journal, I would go over what my grief counselor had discussed with me. I would learn to do all things by myself...still am...but its better. Today, its better
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
I spent a fair amount of my time on my own, divorces and then bereavement. I learnt to be self sufficient in that time but I do see how much of our social identity is tied up with being a couple and our partner.
songsofthenight
songsofthenight
only my opinion...I think family and friends look at me and think to themselves," there but by the grace of God, go I".... they don't seem to understand that one day it will be them, one of them will die and the other will be left to fend for their self. Like you said, we are not well prepared for this, I know I lived blissfully in ignorance. Knowing that he was sick and we talked about everything, thinking I was prepared for the final outcome, BUT when it happened I found I wasn't prepared at all....the loneliness, the missing him, but I am surviving, as he knew I was a survivor. But that doesn't make it any easier....peace to all of us, Sandi
sandeestttn
sandeestttn
My oldest son comes by just about everyday, my other two, don't know I exist. Makes me really sad to know this. Here I am with car problems, and my s-I-l is a mechanic. I can't even get him to look at it. When my husband was alive, they made sure he could get around. now with me,Just seems like they are thinking, go ahead, and die, get out of my hair!!!
Girldawg1
Girldawg1
Sandee, my mother used to have a saying that a mother can take care of six kids better than six kids can take care of one mother. That is sad, but at least you have one son that comes that often. That is a blessing. Loneliness is not 'literally' a disease, it just signifies a fractured society. I've moved around enough that I have no sense of place. We have a whole country that way where folks are quite separate. In this society we don't have that sense of community and family that binds things together. Some do, of course, but I speak in general.
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