Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I've thought much about this lately. We're not prepared as a society to effectively deal with the issue of loneliness and social isolation. We are in our little family groups, we move around, often with family/friends scattered around the country. This is acceptable and just how life is. In the case of a spouse dying, the surviving partner is left to fend for themselves and figure it out. Oh sure, there's resources. That doesn't solve the problem. Those that have extended family and friends in the area are somewhat buffered. However, everyone around you goes back to their life, tells you to call if you need anything. On the flip side, most of us don't do anything to effectively prepare ourselves for such a course of events. Who wants to think about the worst case scenario happening and what one would do?? How would we proceed to even prepare if we could?? Some prepare by having life insurance - that solves many issues but doesn't make you any less alone. So, we're left with reinventing our life and ourselves and maybe join a club, take vacation, get a hobby or make new friends. Perhaps we may eventually get a new family, depending on our age, circumstances and how inclined we are to do that. I realize it is a complicated social issue; a 'disease' that we have no real solutions for.
I would not call it a disease, its more like an exposure of the weakness of our social structure. It's too easy to get isolated in our current society, and having your spouse/partner was a buffer from most of that.
You can be lonely in a room full of people. Sometimes I think it is worst being with a lot of people. I'm trying to love myself, and enjoy my own company. I'm reading a really good book right now on loneliness. It's "Never be Lonely Again" I got it from the library. It wants you to meditate, and I'm trying, but it's so hard, for the chatter in your head, to be turned off.
I do try to do things I like by myself. I will go to a movie or to the casino now and then. Eating out by myself, is still hard. I'll get it to go, before eating alone. I've been going to some author speaks meetings at the library when their book, interests me.
I'm going to go to church this morning. I'm just trying to feel part of a group, I guess. Everyone needs a reason to get out among the living again. One step at a time.
I do have extended family that are very supportive, and I have a few friends that are also supportive. But they all have their own lives to live and there is a great distance between us so pretty much I am isolated in many ways.
KK
When we have the natural disaster of losing our spouses, we have lost everything we knew. Our whole lives are buried along with our loved ones. No one rushes in with replacements of what we have lost. They can't. There isn't any replacement. We are left standing stripped of everything we knew and loved and there is no help. I don't have an answer for this, but I think society needs to be made more aware of what being widowed does to a soul.
It would just be nice if people would call now and then, or meet us for a lunch or send a cheery card in the mail every so often. Any reminder that someone still cares means so much.