Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I feel like I'm living in a fog all the time. I am unorganized, start one thing, never finish it, etc..I feel like my whole personality has changed. I noticed the foggiest memories are those of the wake and funeral and then a dedication to my husband I attended. It feels like I wasn't really there or was in an altered state of conciousness. Is this nature's way of numbing the pain? It bothers me that I don't remember conversations with people or things that happened because I was so out of it. Has this happened to anyone else?
I think most people know we are numb so I wouldn't worry about not remembering people or conversations. I found it really helpful to write everything down no matter how little to help me remember things now.
The "fog will slowly come down but it takes time.
Peace of heart friend.
Brenda
I also forget and worse I do things that are so dumb.
I have put my purse in the fridge. Could not find it for hours.
Lost my cell in the most crazy places.
This is really one of the most craziest things I did.
grabbed a toilet paper roll, tore off a piece to use and with out even blinking threw the whole roll in toilet (instead of the piece).
Pain breaks down resistance to awareness; its a natural matter. While grieving, the mind roams up and down, and momentarily neglects the future and strangely zones outside of the past. Conversations are still happening but the spoken words are inaudible, and you may even seem too lax in sensitivity to reality. What you are feeling is common with the mental states of specific people while grieving. As the shock subsides, things will naturally stand out more clearly. Therefore, dont struggle to remember precisely every detail about things that are less important and only rely on your responsible human instincts and thoughts to carry you for a while. Nothing you can do quickly will force things to immediately change your feelings; the grip of pain has to waste away from your mind and heart day-by- day, as you are dealing with and becoming more aware of the issues of loss. You will soon become stronger and responsible enough to deal with the misery in comfort.
I think it is exactly how you said, it was nature's way of numbing the pain. We can only handle so much at a time.
The fog comes and goes and they say over time it lifts for longer periods of time
You are not alone, we are all in this together
I think back to the funeral and the first few months after Larry`s death and I can`t remember anything....the fog had definately settled in. At just over a year, I feel it lifting slowly.
Wishing some peace and joy in all of our lives again some day,
hugs Lu Ann
I remember my brother saying to me 'How are you doing this?" And I remember smiling and saying "cuz I have to" Anything else? I know I remembered all the things I was suppose to. Said all the things I was supposed to, but If asked now? couldn't pull up one except my bros statement.
the fog will lift, and with it comes alot of 'what the hell happened?", and you realize it really DID.
for now, just try and take care of you, because you will need the strength. Autopilot, takes alot out of you, because we don't take care, because we are on autopilot!!! for me, after that fog, I was , dehydrated, and just plain TIRED!!!
HUGS and I remember this so well...not remembering and glad I don't come to think of it. Glad I don't.
Diane