Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Life is NOT Good

DLou
DLou

My husband of 41 years died from a long illness just 12 weeks ago. I still cry every day. It is so hard I keep thinking "I can't do this", but what choice do I have? I am a fixer, a problem solver. No matter the situation, I feel like I have always been good at either finding a solution or at least making the situation better and bearable. I am so lost and broken hearted I can't do anything. And worse is I don't have the energy or the regard to try to move on from this horror. "I don't care" is a large part of my vocabulary nowadays.  My life will ever be good again. My life was good when he was with me, so unless he can be with me again, my life will never be good again. All I see is this pain and agony all day, every day for the rest of my life. I have beautiful supportive children and grandchildren. My sister is willing to do anything for me. And yet, nothing suffices. I feel like I am going crazy. I feel like I think of him every minute. Everything reminds me of him. I hate every day that dawns.

Btlcrzr
Btlcrzr
Oh my god,what you are feeling mirrors my broken life.my husband passed away 7 mos ago and the pain and loneliness is so awful.i am sorry that you are going thru this,lets just hope that maybe oneday we will be able to have less pain.hugs
lindonn
lindonn
Dlou....I’m so sorry for your loss. I also lost my husband 10 weeks ago, on Aug 17. I feel exactly how you feel...it is so painful, isn’t it? I don’t foresee any true joy or happiness in my future. I think of him constantly and all I want is him. My brain tells me that I need to get a grip on myself, but my heart doesn’t feel that way.

The one thing that helps is my faith in Jesus Christ. I am leaning heavily on Him. I make myself go to church, I make myself go to a Christian based grief group. Most weeks, that it all I get accomplished. I know I must go on, for myself, my daughter and grandchildren. I must carve out a new life. I will never have another relationship with a man. I will always be dedicated to my husband and love him until I see him in Heaven again. My life on earth is dedicated to Jesus and helping others in whatever way I am able. I know that God is with me and my prayer is that He will lead me to His will for my life.

Talking to others that understand how you feel really helps. Please continue to talk about your feelings here and read what others post. I come here daily. Sometimes I just read, because I’m too sad or down to comment. I wish you peace and pray that each day you can find moments that are free from the depth of pain you feel now. God bless you....hugs....Linda
pahatfi
pahatfi
I have had a few dreams of my husband...they are usually good memories with him up and walking. he was in a wheelchair before he died doing dialysis 3 times a week.
DLou
DLou
I am grateful to know that I am not going crazy.I, too, don't see that I will ever be happy again. Everything - I mean EVERYTHING reminds me of him and I think of him constantly. I can't clear my mind - ever - I don't want to do anything or go anywhere. My daughter keeps inviting me to things, but I can't. I just can't bring my grief and sorrow into everyone else's life. My children were all so close to him and they have suffered horribly, but they all have spouses and children, so I can see their lives are moving on. I am so happy for them. I don't want this kind of sadness to weigh on them, and I don't want to bring it to them. I have never felt pain like this and I just wish I knew what I could do. It just won't stop - not for a minute.