Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My husband committed suicide on Saturday October 26, 2013. I really hate saying that because its still so hard to wrap my head around. It really hurts me when I wonder what was going through his head at the time...
He was 39. He left three young children behind-two boys and a baby girl. She was four months old when that day happened. "That day" is what I call the day he left me.
I have to say that I feel more angry than sad a lot of the time. I so wish I could see him again. And since he passed away in our home, I haven't been able to live there. I have been staying at my parents house. I go there for small amounts of time but never stay over night. I feel like I'm in limbo-frozen in time...not sure where to go or what to do yet
He was 39. He left three young children behind-two boys and a baby girl. She was four months old when that day happened. "That day" is what I call the day he left me.
I have to say that I feel more angry than sad a lot of the time. I so wish I could see him again. And since he passed away in our home, I haven't been able to live there. I have been staying at my parents house. I go there for small amounts of time but never stay over night. I feel like I'm in limbo-frozen in time...not sure where to go or what to do yet
I am so sorry. But I will give you what I know from my own choices. All failed, because I am here typing this.
Suicide Is not about those here, it's about what was the toothpick that was the last to land on their burden of all things in their life. ..
I truthfully don't know how John could keep on loving me? Or even love me to begin with. I was pretty broken when we met. It was so hard loving myself. I didn't feel deserving of anything good. But he stayed ,helped me. Made my life as easy, sheltered me as best he could...brought in what I call a posse to help and support him in it.
Then cancer came knocking, I wish it was me instead of him, God has a funky sense of humor. Boy was I mad at God for that.
Just know that in my attempts, it was not about what I was choosing to leave behind, but the pain of what I had all my life that I couldn't leave behind.
You have the right to be mad at him about it...but his own choice wasn't about your heart or your life, it was about his pain.
Some days a feather landing on me seems too much. Then I come here, to DS.
Even now there are days when not to try sounds so much easier..still. But I am here still. I have learned though about how to help myself now that I have to. Not always good at it, but I break it into smaller pieces now.
It seems that this is more prevalent lately, or maybe I am just noticing it more?
I'm not sure which is harder to see that or Cancer in posts. It may just be a "Draw".
Gentle hugs.
Jewells
suicide myself. Through my work I have worked with people that have either tried or have thought about it. He was not thinking about hurting your family, but about the issues that were causing him deep sadness.He was hurting so bad that he thought suicide was the only way out.
It is okay for you to have anger at this time. I think that it does not matter how or what caused our spouses to die, we all have anger. What matters is that we get through the anger stage. Have you thought about going to a support group for people who spouses have committed suicide, or counseling.
Take as much time as you need to get back to your house. With three young children and grieving you could use a little help from the people that love you the most - your parents.
Just know that I am thinking about you - HUgs
I lost my wife to suicide in 2009. Though I almost never post here, on another widow/widower site I have written many hundreds of times on the subjects of mental illness and suicide. The following paragraphs are a few excerpts from these posts:
"The psychological trauma of the survivor of suicide (SOS) of a loved one is classified among the most extreme that a person may ever experience. And this is made even worse when that suicide is of one's spouse, whose death is ranked as the single most emotionally stressful event in an adult's life."
"The truth is that the great majority of adult deaths by suicide are the result of serious psychiatric illnesses that are often chronic, genetically inherited, difficult to manage and impossible to cure."
"I have accepted that her [my wife's] suicide was not about me or even her life circumstances. It was about illness. If medical science has learned anything in recent decades, it is that so many psychological/behavioral problems stem from physiological / biochemical abnormalities of the brain, many of which are genetically inherited. My wife's family has a long history of anxiety, depression and suicide."
"And if I learned anything during the past several decades with my wife, it is that clinical depression is a serious illness just as real as any other life-threatening illness, like heart disease or cancer. Unfortunately, it happens to be classified as mental illness, which makes it appear different. My wife died of a disease of the brain that impaired her thinking and her judgement. I take some comfort in accepting that she died, not by choice, but of natural causes."
Sorry for the traumatic loss that brought you here.
--- WifeLess
Nothing prepares us for this nightmare, but please be kind to yourself.
The people here have been so very kind and offer great comfort.
I loved him so much and he was unable to see it. I greatly appreciate your comments and support. I have to say that after being a widow since October-this is the first time I feel like I'm actually understood. Thanks
I think you should copy and print what he wrote - and keep it with you to read again and again.
So sorry for your loss. I hope this site will be of help to you.