Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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KurtT 01/05/2017

So I didnt have a great time on Christmas day this year, the death of my wife not even 2 months ago kind of made it more painful then fun. I thought that was going to be the worst day. It seems I was entirely wrong.
New Years day came and suddenly the realisation that she didnt make it out of 2016 flooded to me. We had only been married 6 months and this year was meant to be our first Christmas and New Year as a married couple. I havnt really recovered from it yet either, I still feel sickly and guilty. Our 5 year anniversary of being together was the 27th and although it may seem short by some of the people on heres standards I feel more and more each day despite being still young I really dont want to love again. I feel like she was my one in a million. So it makes me feel so much more hurt and lonely everyday.

I made a snap decision to move back to UK from Canada and now im horribly regretting it. I cant shake the idea that if I die here in UK how can I be back with her when she died in Canada? Have I made a really stupid mistake?
Not only have a left my beloved wife back in 2016 but I've also abandoned our home how can I ever expect to be with her again?

Sophia2002 01/05/2017

I'm with you. Leaving 2016 was worse than facing Christmas. Although I just let Christmas pass me by, oh I did decorate ( I still have kids at home), but just sat on the couch and numbly watched light hearted Christmas movies. But New Years was the saddest for me. The thought that everything from this moment on will be without him is a lot to think about or come to terms with. If you needed to go back to the U.K., then you did what you needed to in the moment and I for one think love knows no bounds, so seeing her again is what will happen regardless ( I Believe). My husband died unexpectedly 1 week before Thanksgiving, he was only 41. His mom passed four years before at 58. It was his mom at it took him 2 years to seem like hims of again. Take it easy and take care, do what you need. This is what I'm told. Best of luck on your journey. May it bring you more sweet memories.

KurtT 01/06/2017

Seems we are in the same boat there. My wife was only 34, it was utterly world breaking. Im not sure if im lucky or unlucky to have no children.
It was 18th of November my wife died so not much different to yours.

The thing is I am not even sure why I decided to go back to UK I guess I thought it was the best course of action at the time. Im regretting it now and will probably move back to Canada at some point.

Also thanks, good luck on your journey to.

Sophia2002 01/06/2017

Well if you move back that works too. I've read on this board some people who have done similar things. So guessing your not alone. I'm inclined to think having the kids still (stick at home) lucky. They are 18, 15,& 12. My 12 year old is a girl and she sleeps with me. It's hard to go back to that alone. Her presence gives me comfort. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm so sorry we have to go through this and figure it out. Your not alone. Not sure how much comfort it provides but maybe it helps a little.

KurtT 01/06/2017

Well my wife and me were starting a family when she died, it was late I guess since im 35 but guess thats how it works.

Must be nice to have so many people to take your mind off it.

Thanks again for your post, speaking to anyone nowadays is nice.

sarah26 01/06/2017

I know how hard it can be,me and my beloved brynjar also planned to start our own family,although he had a 7 year old kid from previous relationship,he wanted more kids so but he passed before that could happen,he was only 38,and for me am 26 but the thing is we were so much in love despite the age gap,I loved him so much and now the thought of him gone makes me want to die,despite of me being still young I just feel like I will never love again and wanting to just wait until we get to be together again,its so painful and I hope you get better in this journey we are all struggling through

Jdhayes 01/06/2017

Yes, I know how you feel. Christmas was OK, but the New Year was awful. I felt so guilty knowing that he was not here, even though we never did anything special for New Year's, it just hurt.

MrsP 01/06/2017

Yes, I also found new year much harder to deal with than Christmas. It does help a little knowing others feel the same xx

laurie1209 01/06/2017

For me it was Christmas. I could not function, I was a blubbering mess for several days. I did the gifts and some decorating but it was a very hollow feeling, kinda like I was on autopilot. I knew what to say and do but in my head I was saying what the f**k does this all matter. I hung out with both his family and mine. I was so relieved on the 26th because if was over.
I changed jobs for the first time in over ten years on New Years, kinda did that ententionally to keep my mind focused on something else, that's my coping mechanism and I works well for me.
My only advise is do what is right for you when you can do it. And just remember to stop and take a breath, exist in the moment.
Hugs

raininseattle 01/06/2017

Hugs to you, but I don't think you have made a mistake.
It's always good to be around your own family.

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