parrothead1, You are right that people don't understand. Sadly, the only way to truly understand is to experience the same loss that you have experienced. It has been several years for me, and I have given up on trying to make friends and family understand how I feel. I know my life will never go back to the way it was; I was so happy having no idea what the future held. I talk about my John all the time. I have just one couple who were friends of ours who have been a great support. Other than that, I have formed new friendships since others weren't as supportive as I had expected. I know how you feel when you would rather stay home than attend a happy event. I found it helpful to attend a widows/widowers support group for about a year after John passed. I don't know if you have any groups near you; however, if you do, this is a good option to help work through your grief. I also am seeing a therapist, and you might find this helpful as well. There is no quick fix - what we want is our husband back, and that is not possible. Hugs to you, Roxanne

Parrothead1 I know the feeling as well, it will be 11 months September 18, and I still don't feel like go g to happy events either. I had one dear friend and we meet every two weeks and go out for supper. My family doesn't even come by so I am on my own. I still talk to my Gary anywhere and anytime.
I have gone through counseling and it has help to a degree, and this month I start group therapy so I am hoping that might help a bit.
I have no energy to do anything and I don't even want to go out. I sleep when I can, but a full night sleep I haven't had since I lost Gary. As for dating well that is not even on my list. we were married for 33 years. I couldn't even think about meeting anyone.
May be try therapy and group therapy as well in your area. That might help.
No there is no fix, I wish there was as I would love to have my Gary back as well.
Hugs to you, Dianna

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand the 'church lady' problem, too. I had one that would come by the house - I guess she was appointed to do that - but she was an ER nurse and would sit there and talk about all the horrible ways people died in the hospital she worked in - I guess she thought that would help me deal with losing Cliff from a heart attack?? I don't know what the heck she was thinking, if at all. I threw her out. And I was so grateful for Caller ID! Some people I stopped picking up their calls, and would only call them back if I thought I could handle it.

I was stunned by the number of people that wanted to know if I was selling the house, too. That was really upsetting for me. Everything in the house was there by joint decisions with my husband, and it was way too soon to even be thinking about it. People also come out of the woodwork looking for money - they think we all got rich off life insurance. Most of us were left worse off, but either way, it's none of their damned business. Don't discuss it with them.

Then there was the creepy male neighbor who lived across the street from us that offered that I could call him for anything - and it was pretty clear what he was including in "anything"! CREEP!!!!!!!!! I was never going to be THAT desperate!

I think Roxanne has given you some very good suggestions - it's what I would have suggested myself. As far as the wedding, if you decide to go, just make sure you have your own way there and back or are going with someone who knows you may have to leave at a moment's notice. It's okay not to go and send a nice card (and gift if appropriate). I begged off bridal showers and weddings the first year, but wished them nothing but love and happiness. Only a moron would not understand why it might be hard for you. And those types aren't worth worrying about.

I hope your days start to brighten. Counseling helped me, as did keeping a journal. I read some grief books, too, some helped, some didn't. One book I can recommend is "Seven Choices - Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World" by Elizabeth Harper Neeld. Check to see if your public library has it - you can get it on Amazon but it's always worth it to check your local library service for books. That book was a huge help for me, it was like having a gentle guide helping me process what I was going through. I have recommended it several times over the years here, and a lot of folks have said it was helpful for them, too. Just a thought....

You can get through this - don't give up.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Three weeks after my fiance died, I attended a wedding for a coworker. It was difficult, but I ultimately was glad I was able to celebrate in her joy for a day instead of just suffering in my grief.