Darlene.....I wish I could. I still feed my birds each day, but the thought of going out and actually engaging leaves me cold right now.

I did call a friend earlier and we are going out for pizza tonight.

Our lives just change so dramatically it is hard to find something that brings us joy.

Hugs to you
Jen

I would do something that involved some sort of commitment. Maybe a pottery class. I love to exercise, but had no motivation. My girlfriend comes over every day at 830 am after we get the kids off to school and we exercise. Without her there is no way I would do it. I also belong to 2 book clubs so I have to read then show up at a certain night and time. Every time I do one of these activities I always feel better.

Although new to this, I can say that being outdoors makes a difference. Sometimes I might just be sitting on my deck and try to stay present. For example, I might hear a bird call and try to figure out what type of bird it is or watch a bug for a few minutes or look at clouds. Other times I have walked my dogs and that helps. These are activities that feel right to me; sitting in the sunshine or by water. Hugs to you!

I agree with the other previous posts . . .in that we must make a conscientious effort to do those things we previously loved . . and/or take baby steps getting back there. For me, making a list helps tremendously. Even if it's the most simple of things, like take a 30 minute reprieve outdoors to watch and commune with nature. Like you, I have hobbies that have been set aside. I have bought the supplies, but haven't put that on the list yet. As artists, we must feel a compelling emotion to "create". (This can't be put on my list). But I do have the supplies awaiting me when I'm ready. For now . . it's simple things (still after a year) . . . brush teeth, wash hair, shave legs . . and then some errands and follow up's with DSWW and other friends. Get dogs and cats fed, water plants. Remember to eat and take vitamins. Pool time if I can for some much needed Vitamin D. With help, get across my yard/land to the pond . . throw a stick in for the swimming dog. I try to read some, as I love reading, but not so focused right now. I need to start writing again, but still not focused. Just do what you can, as you can. Baby steps getting back to the self. Heck, half the time I don't even want to leave my comfort zone of the house and have to force myself because I've made a "plan" (equates to contract for me). Once out, I'm usually okay. The anticipation and weird expectations can be thwarting on these outings. I just have to put them aside and keep it moving. Back to you, I'd sit with a blank page of paper and write (journal) what it is you love and miss about your life (beyond your loved one) . . .now is the time for "you" and rediscovery. You can and will rediscover and refine the new norm of self. Hugs and prayers, xo D

I love Dayna, doesn't she have the best ideas!

My "get-up-and-go, got-up-and-went! I can't motivate myself to do anything. Stuff may sound good but it's not interesting and inviting anymore!.

Of course I do work a full-time job and when I'm home in the evening or even on the weekends I want to look like a rag and just "mope" around!

I have my wonderful LAB/Golden Retriever; Horton. He keeps me smiling these days-He loves to play catch and have me rub his belly. I am a bird watcher too. I'm very lucky to have lots of singing birds who next on the roof next door and entertain my every day, I just love them!

Morey and I would always do something on the weekends; like going for a ride, visiting friends, go for long walks, explore new areas and on and on. Now, it's just not the same. I don't want to do these things with anyone else!

The world through Morey's eyes was such a joyful, wonderous place! He certainly opened my eyes to life. Towards the end of his life, the joy was gone and my heart was broken for him!

I'm so lucky in that I got to experience true and lasting love!

Roz

I used to quilt, embroider and crochet. I can't get enough motivation to do any of it. I even have a crochet project by my chair. I do pick it up once in a while but not like I used to. I bought a new sewing machine thinking that would motivate me, but nope... I signed up for some classes at the viking sewing center and had to cancel 3 times now. First time grief wouldn't let me go and the last 2 times it was my vehicle. I think its fixed now so I will reschedule again. I'm coming up on the year anniversary of his death. I'm glad to see others are like me and I'm not in this alone.

This is a hard one folks. What I found in all practicality was that at first I needed group interaction or activities as I could motivate myself to do nothing on my own. Book club because I would not finish a book by myself. Exercise class, and 5ks to keep myself moving. It really starts out as a struggle. Eventually your mind re-engages and you have some self discipline and motivation again. Just give yourself time and push yourself to outside activities that involve a participatory aspect.

Hugs,
Val

I am the same way. Have all these things I could be doing, but don't have the desire, so my mind remains on idle. When I get up anyway and do something, I am glad I did it. Made myself make a garden this year because I didn't want to be that dead to everything. I like it, but I don't enjoy it like I used to. Drag my feet when it comes to trimming and tidying up. Hoping as time goes by my mind will gain back at least some of the joy i used to have. It takes me a while to work through things, so I'm not too worried about it yet.

In my journal, I actually created a list of activities I enjoy doing or always wanted to do but never had the time due to work or doing couples activities as a priority.

I have been so busy with work and preparing our farmhouse for sale and for the farm machinery action that I have not had time to do anything on my list. But I do refer to it weekly and am making plans to accommodate my hobbies and interests in my new home.

I also checked out MeetUp groups in my area to find a hiking and a photography group. I signed up for one of each and have been watching the lists of events for one that really interests me and that fits my schedule. I'm not there yet to actually go but getting the emails about the events in catching my interest and I am sure that when my schedule lightens up I will try a MeetUp event.

Even though I am not "doing" anything right now that would be considered actively participating in my hobbies and interests, I am making small steps to re-engage in those activities. I am going to my book club regularly.

I really missed reading Scripture with Ed every morning. That is one of the things we did to begin our day before I left for work. I have started that again, by reading the Book of Psalms. I thought the messages in there would be helpful to my grieving process.

I'm not sure if any of this helps but, as I mentioned in a post recently, I made a decision to try to live like joyfully every day. I know that my hobbies and interests brought me joy and that I need to continue to make an effort to bring those activities back into my life.

I wish you the best in finding a creative outlet for your time that brings you joy.

Sable

Hey Darlene, this might sound wacky, but for me to get the ball rolling, I had to go back to things I enjoyed BEFORE I knew Cliff - I guess you could call that from mt B.C. years - Before Cliff! I couldn't do anything we shared nor listen to any music we listened to together, so I went back to things I enjoyed 30+ years prior. I think in a way that helped me reaffirm some aspects about myself, too. Cliff fell in love with me for some reason, I didn't just magically come into being, right? So I went backwards and started re-reading books I hadn't touched in years, working on crafts I hadn't picked up in years, etc. Initially, I just avoided things that I felt had too much of a connection to Cliff. That made it easier somehow.

My sons had similar problems, so we had to find experiences that wouldn't be painful for the 3 of us. I introduced them to movies and tv shows on DVD from my childhood and teen years - stuff like the original Star Trek and Gunsmoke - and they enjoyed that. I steered well away from anything with any romance - couldn't handle it while my heart was still so dang broken!

I have always done volunteer/charity work. One of my earliest memories is going door-to-door with my Mom for the American Cancer Society when I was just 5. (My Dad developed his first cancer when I was 4 - funding research was serious for us, especially since my Dad was a guinea pig for what was new treatment at that point - radiation.) Anyway, I did what charity work I could stand to do. That helped me realize I could still make a difference, and I knew Cliff would have approved as we did a lot of volunteer stuff together - it was one of the common grounds we had that helped bring us together and stay together.

Hope this helps...

Love and Hugs,
Martha

For me in the beginning, I was go go go getting things done, making sure I was doing things and then I hit a brick wall. I do things I enjoy like going out an play cards . My thing is the procrastinating with house work and things that need to be done around the house. Where I never have had a problem keeping up with my house and doing what needed to be done , now it's a struggle even after 29 months. I basically do the minimum and then feel guilty about doing the minimum. Before Howie passed, we did things together and with pride now I think that the pride of ownership is not that important with him gone. My house has become a version of myself. On the outside it is very presentable and does not give any hints of the disorder and mayhem of the inside .

I sure can relate to having no desire to do housework ! My poor little house needs dusting and the kitchen/breakfast nook floor needs swept and mopped. I know I will get it done but only when the mood hits me. Looks like I would enjoy keeping a tidy house but not right now. I think that if I have company then they had better come to see me, not my house or they need to make an appointment. lol I kinda want to sew again, I have 3 machines and a serger that has been used very little sinse I bought it right after my husbands' DX. I tried to sew some but my heart just wasn't there to finish anything. I used to crochet too. I keep thinking that as time passes I will go back to those things. Right now it is an effort to leave the house for Dr.s appt. I have noticed that a few people I know who have lost their husband do have at least one thing to look forward to. One plays Bingo every Friday night at the Casino, and she was working part time at the high school in the cafeteria. I don't know, I guess I will just have to make myself go and do things but it will be hard.Maybe join a support group where I have to drive there and meet other people. All this sounds good but just getting the desire just isn't strong enough. Maybe someday as I get my brain in a more settled state, then I can do these things.
Best wishes,
Ruthann