Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
When I was putting my kids to bed last night, my 9 year old said that he wishes dad could have lived longer. It broke my heart. My 7 year old said that he forgets what dad sounds like. We talked about Rob and how he is still with us all the time and I told them that in the morning I would play the voice messages I have saved from dad.
This morning before school, I played the messages and they both just smiled from ear to ear. Rob never ever ended a conversation or left the house or sent the kids to bed without an I love you so they got to hear him say it again.
I called Rob's gramma after the kids were in bed and we talked about 2 hours and both said that we loved talking/hearing about Rob. She said that sometimes she feels that other people don't want to talk to her about it because it upsets her (or them) so she keeps quiet. We both understand that some people are like that and found comfort in the fact that we share the same feelings and have each other to use as "sounding boards".
It made me wonder if other people have experienced this and how you handle it .. where all you want to do is talk about them but feel that there may be some people who would prefer not to listen as it makes them uncomfortable?
Today marks 4 weeks since Rob was called Home to God.
Pam
This morning before school, I played the messages and they both just smiled from ear to ear. Rob never ever ended a conversation or left the house or sent the kids to bed without an I love you so they got to hear him say it again.
I called Rob's gramma after the kids were in bed and we talked about 2 hours and both said that we loved talking/hearing about Rob. She said that sometimes she feels that other people don't want to talk to her about it because it upsets her (or them) so she keeps quiet. We both understand that some people are like that and found comfort in the fact that we share the same feelings and have each other to use as "sounding boards".
It made me wonder if other people have experienced this and how you handle it .. where all you want to do is talk about them but feel that there may be some people who would prefer not to listen as it makes them uncomfortable?
Today marks 4 weeks since Rob was called Home to God.
Pam
I found that soon after the funeral some of our friends became uncomfortable when I spoke of my DH. Most have the misconception that to talk about your loved one or bring up memories will cause you more pain. They couldn't be more wrong, as we here at DH already know.
Since my mom went through this when my dad died, I remembered similar reactions and understood where my friends were coming from, but it didn't deter me from talking about my hubby. He lived and was part of my past, present, and future and will be until I take my last breath. We had a life together, a family together.
Don't let their discomfort keep you from speaking freely about him. It is normal and part of what brings comfort and healing to you and your family. Your friends will eventually get used to your ease when speaking his name in a conversation, and likewise they will also become comfortable.
It's so important for you and your children to treat his presence in your lives with effortlessness conversation, smiles, and laughter. He lived; he will always hold a position of great importance no matter how many years pass. Blessing to you as you become secure in your journey. TJ
4 weeks is so very very early in this process we call grieving. I have long given up the belief that it is a process - to me it's like a concoction of emotions never following the same pattern. I never know what each day will bring me. You are blessed with two loving children who clearly miss their wonderful father and miss hearing his voice. I lost my mother when I was only 7 and remember that everyone clammed up around me in case they upset me - all I wanted was to talk about my father and to ask lots of questions about where exactly he was. Keep talking with your children and encourage them to ask lots of questions and to remind them of the smallest memories (even if they were too young to remember). You sound a wonderful family and may your children be blessed with the traits of both their parents.
Again, many thanks.
Pam
Basically, I don't really care if they want to hear about him or not.
Alice
I hear my mothers voice, in mine, all the time. I use many of her colloquialisms...and a few can be a bit irreverent.
After a few years, mom's voice faded...but was taken over by the voice of my wife Mary...who is my darliing.
Lori
Here at home, the kids and I are always talking about Daddy. Heath is 19 and so many of the things that he says and the way that he says them......sound just like Mark so we laugh about that.
He will be with us forever - in our hearts, in our lives and our love will never diminish. We know that and as much as we miss him, we find comfort in knowing what a wonderful man we were lucky enough to share.
Christine