I'm not sure what your anger is towards your family and friends. But I do completely understand the feeling that your life has been robbed of the happiness you once had with your wife and the life you had. It isn't pathetic, it's normal to feel this way. My wife went back to heaven in 2015. those were some very dark and endless days. It does get better. I did not want to hear that in the beginning. All I wanted was for her to return to me and for this to be over. I did have resentment towards others at times because they still had what I had lost. And no one seemed to really care what I was going thru. You are still in the very early stages of this. And your right the pain is worse than any words can describe. To put it one way, it is so bad I wouldn't wish this on my least favorite person I know.
I don't know if your are Christian, but if you are get deeper in your faith. It pulled me thru to now. I was in constant prayer, and still am. You are going thru what has been explained to me as a grief wave. It comes in and washes over you then leaves soon after. Then you just hurt. It's less intense but better for awhile then the wave returns. Over time it becomes less intense. It doesn't knock you down as bad because you know what's coming and you brace for it. For now, do not think about tomorrow or the next minute for that matter. Just take it as it comes. Give yourself time and patients to grieve as much as you need to. This isn't a race. Remember, half of you is gone. Half your heart has been ripped out of your chest. I used to call it an amputation of the heart. And for me that was exactly how it felt. I also stayed focused upon what my Linda would want for me. And I knew she wanted me to move on when I was ready.

But for now just live in the day in front of you. One thing to keep in mind, don't ever let anyone tell you it's time to move on and you need to be able to get over it. You want. You don't get over this, but rather learn ways to live with it. Let yourself break down and cry when you need to. It actually does help. It acts like a release of emotions and you will feel better after.
Take your time don't rush. Get yourself plenty of sleep and rest. I know, what your thinking, sleep isn't easy. Wasn't for me either. I still struggle sometimes with it. But you have to. It's the time your body recovers and heals. And even those times your not hungry , eat something. You have to feed your body. It needs it. Keep yourself hydrated. So even though your focused upon the emotional aspect of this, you have to consider the physical also. And all along your telling yourself why bother. It doesn't matter. But it does. And given enough time you'll see why it does.
And last stay connected with those who are either going thru this or have gone thru this. Unless a person has experienced this they cannot relate to it. If you need to, see a therapist or join a support group. But reach out to someone who's been there. It truly helps.
For me, I found this site. And it has gotten me thru some very rough times. There are some very good and compassionate people here.
So there's a lot of stuff you can focus on that can help you on those days. And they can be bad. But just know it will get better with every minute that passes by.
Just take care of yourself my friend.
Peace, Tim

Hi Prashant. I am also at three months and although I honestly feel it is getting better, there are times it feels worse. Someone told me that we are protected by a kind of numbness/shock for he first few months and then it wears off and we start to feel the pain without that protective layer of numbness. That might be true. The other day I posted about how I felt better and then that night wept more copiously than ever before. As for the anger, a death in the family seems to make old hurts and resentments resurface. I know it did for me and there are two members of his family now that I pretty much have no communication with, because I feel they are toxic to me. I don't know what your family situation is but I think your feeling anger is normal at this point. To lose your wife at only 35 years old and to be left to raise a little girl alone is a very tragic and unfair situation. I am praying for you and your daughter to find the peace and strength to get rough the days ahead. Sylvia

Anger is something i feel quite often. Anger at the situation. Anger at those who say they will help but disappear. Anger at those who gossip about me and my situation. Anger at those who do not understand what im going through. Anger at his family.
Right now im ok with being angry its a feeling, ill take any feeling over numbness. Am i angry all the time, no it just pops up randomly. My anger is laced with jealousy of the happiness others get, frustration that i can not always express what i need, sadness over the loss of my husband, exhaustion over putting on a happy face, helpless of not being able to do everything myself, loneliness, bitterness towards those who judged my husband...
What has helped me cope is learning others limitations. They do not know what i a thinking or planning so i can get mad at them when were both going in opposite directions. I realize some people feed off the attention, i rather hide in the corner but some grow dependent on that attention. So people can not give me what i need- its not my fault or theirs, it just is and i am the one who has to accept it. You have to find those who can support you and your needs- and there not always family members.
To keep myself stable i work - it allows my mind to focus on something other than the pain. I also read, again its a mental escape. Dont know how you feel about yoga but it oddly refocuses my brain when i get done - and not you dont have to gumbi to do it.
Hugs Laurie

Thankyou Laurie, Sylvia and Tim. Your all posts makes a lot of sense and provides me with different perspective to look at things. I dont have a very supportive family and wish someone could really understand me. My wife was the world for me. Maybe i am overreacting and its been less than okay. Thankyou anyways.

Prashant - all the above replies are spot on. And as the years have gone by, I see how right this advice is. But. In the first few months? My anger could have powered a nuclear reactor. Just saying. It's not always rational, but it is not to be denied. I'm paraphrasing another widow friend, but we (all widows/widowers) should be given a bat and something inanimate to beat the crap out of the moment we leave the funeral home.

Awesome advise Everyone :) Remember we are all going through this But not ever alone..I haven't felt as alone since I came here..I believe we have told most everything about how we are feeling at this second or moment and Please come back :) Hugs and Prayers being sent to you

I'm so sorry for your loss. So young, and your daughter lost her mom. Anger at everything is definitely appropriate. Sometimes I still get angry with my husband for dying and it's almost 14 months. Feel whatever comes to you, try to find a way to release the emotion. I think I held it in for a long time as I was trying to avoid my feelings and the deep pain. I still feel like that sometimes. Try to become engaged in activities, whether work, hobbies, etc. I started new things I had never done before just to keep busy and distract myself. But yea, anger is part of all of this and don't beat yourself up. Your feelings are what they are and they are valid. God Bless

This breaks my heart. I lost my true love, my fiancé, almost 3 months ago. He became a father figure to my kids and I still can't look at his picture, read our text messages or anything of the sort without tears. I'm so sorry for you and your daughter. It is such an empty, lonely feeling. No one understands your extent of pain, your conversations, your private moments....and those memories sneak into your mind at any given minute. It is an unbearable loneliness that nobody can understand....which causes anger, understandably. Nobody knows what you are going through. Hugs!!!!

I am at 4 months and going through very similar experiences . Anger is spot on and always there , I am mostly quite don't talk to anyone or pretend I am not listening . coz I get angry with everyone and everything mainly the damn God . Loss of someone who was world to me and now I am asked to rebuild this life at 32 is not fair at all . I don't function , people make me function . I am at notice to join my job soon but I don't know how to in this state . I can't drive , still have attacks . How do I work and control my tears and put a brave face ? I think I will loose my job and if I don that's another failure added to my life . Please advise ?

I also find myself feeling anger, although it is not directed at anyone or anything, it is just a "free floating" anger although it is sometimes expressed towards others when I am driving or reading a stupid comment on Facebook or something like that. I don't like it, I have tried to analyze it, maybe its an anger because I don't have any control over the circumstances I am in now. I don't like living my life without my husband in it, so I am angry that there is nothing I can do about it. All I can do is change my thinking about it by trying to avoid falling into the traps of self-pity, fear, guilt, worry etc. I have to guard my thinking and that helps with the anger but we are all human and the grief has to be expressed in some way, it is okay to get angry, cry, scream, etc. sometimes, as long as it doesn't hurt others.

I have been allowing my self to cry and maybe this is why i am starting to Actually at moments feel happiness..who knows how i will feel in 5 minutes but for Right now I feel happiness..at having all of you to share this journey into Hell again,..or is it always of waking us up to love with the Universe...thoughts to ponder as i am still trying to understand why ...Ok :) Hugs and Love to you

Thankyou all for your support. I cry and feel lighter and then get on with my day. Then again when i start to feel heavy i cry again to go on with my life. Feel heaviness on my chest after crying though my mind feels lighter. It seems like crying and letting it out is the solution to the same at the moment. I sometimes see my daughter and break down badly. Life seems a big curse. Total feeling of devastation.

Hi Prashant, as you saw in my post i'm getting a double dose and as I read my journal from last year I see what pain I was in, writing things like "the pain is so unbelievable, how can this end, God why are you doing this to me". I like Tim's description of waves, it comes in waves and the waves slowly get further apart. But I do wish people could understand, now i'm a single dad and am getting a cold should from a friend because I can't go out Friday night?