hey liz, you are not alone. . I have some days that Ive been able to muddle through, but then something, or things, or certain times, will send me in a spiral of emotions. Its been 6 1/2 months for me, and you are not alone. My prayers and thoughts are with you. I am hoping this upcoming week is a better one for you. Hugs Carla

I hear you loud and clear. Sometimes when you least expect it......IT hits! Been 17 months for me and sometimes it seems like I'm moving on pretty well and then "WHAM" here it comes. Had a lonely weekend too and looking forward to a regular week again when I can see people moving/driving around, etc. Hugs from the AZ mountains. Darlene

Hi Liz. This new life sure is a roller coaster! One that we never signed up for but were given a ticket to anyway. I'm not even at 3 months yet and can't imagine this going on for years but I know the ride will never stop and the ups and downs will always b there. I guess we just have to cry and let it out but trudge on anyway. I hope the days to come are better for you and this low will pass for now at least. We all know how missing ur love feels. It's so hard but there's really nothing we can do. I always talk to my sweetie and thank him for still being with me. I feel him all the time and see his signs. For that I'm grateful. I know ur hubby is with you too.
Love to you
Darcie

I am so sorry, but move over, can I join you? Its been 31 months for me. Today is one of my grandsons 17th birthday. I went over this morning to wish him Happy Birthday, and give him his gift (money). The TV was on, all cars home, locked up tighter than a jug. They never lock their doors. Even on vacation. I knocked, no answer. So I left his card in the door and left.

Went by the house later, daughter in laws parents were there, they were grilling. So I went home and grilled myself a hamburger

I am so depressed and alone. Been crying all weekend...

Oh man, how I so can relate. Don't know if it's the holiday weekend or the weather, (rainy this morning, cloudy now). or just me. Probably me. My husband only got holidays off if it was his scheduled day off because of the crazy rotating shift he was on. But we at least would do something, or nothing, but the together doing nothing was good too. I am with Sandee, move over and let me sit there too. Do people not realize how cruel they are to not even think of inviting us? Yes, maybe we still wouldn't go, but at least we would have a choice. We didn't have a choice as to being on this journey. Here's to better days ahead. Hugs and Love to all, Michele

This weekend marked the start of my 4th year and after I buried my husband on the 21st of August 2012, Labor Day was the first one I spent alone. I have spent every holiday alone since my husband died. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I am at odds with my current therapist and have gotten no relief, because he has not done an EMDR session yet. I can't imagine facing all the coming holidays again and still struggling just to be here on most of the other days I spend alone. I look awful from all the crying this weekend. The anxiety attacks as well have left me exhausted. Hope we all have better days ahead. Hugs to all, pj

At 31 months while those emotional breakdowns come farther apart and are quicker to recover from, they still happen and I expect they will happen until the day I myself pass on. I accept them and let them happen when they come because afterwards I do feel like I have conquered another road block and have made it that much further on the journey. We all need our crying time , it helps release toxins from the body and my gosh there must have been a lot of toxins at times..This week end was hard for me as well . We always had plans for something to do , not anymore. I am sending my virtual shoulder for you to cry on . xoxo

I am only a little over 8 months in.... but it feels like there is no end to the sadness and emotional turmoil from a loss this huge. Hugs to you... and a shoulder too

My heart is breaking for each one of you - seriously, your posts brought me tears. Tonight at 1:10 am will only be 4 months for me - and I can't imagine how hard it must be for this nightmare to keep resurfacing in the months/years ahead. Like everyone here, I guess I have no choice. I would say to each of you I understand, but honestly I don't even understand my own grief journey which is only but beginning. Please know that everyone here is in my prayers. That is all I know to do. God's blessings upon each of you ~ Scott

I understand the holiday blahs. This was the first long weekend since Joe passed. He passed away on the last long weekend. 5 Sundays ago. My parents came over and are going overboard with trying to be "normal". I don't know what normal is supposed to be. They don't know what to do with me.

Yesterday it was raining all day. It was nice because I got to be totally alone with my thoughts. I wanted to be alone, yet I didn't. Not sure what's going to happen for me on actual holidays...

Liz and others I am so sorry you are having a hard time...I don't know what the frick is wrong with me but I have been in such a peaceful place...and I am learning to actually love it. This is the first holiday I had off of work that wasn't due to chemo or death since I don't know when. When I first joined here I had been widowed for 20 months and thought I was ok...but having a nervous breakdown...one of the first things Martha told me was she thought I was pushing myself too hard I was busy working my 70 hours a week and needed to fill what little time I had with 30 day challenges...one after another..I didn't believe her when she said it and I tried her advice..slowed it down a bit and stopped those 30 day challenges and replaced them with very realistic goals that could help me as I grow from a we to only me. This is what I think has helped me ..but it takes time and alot if patience on my part..today I can actually say I see a bright future..and I'm not even sure of what it is but it's going to be what I need...I hope everyone gets to that place in their journeys as well...and above all I hope that I never forget what it means to feel like this and what it took to get me here.I have been rereading the book Seven Choices and I think the first time I read it I read every tenth line or so...I have been reflecting alot on the day my husband came home with cancer and laying next to him and I knew the love I felt for him was exactly like I had for my kids..unconditional..it took his death to make me realize that I have that love for myself as well...not in the me..me..me way..but in the take care of me way..I'm still surprised by it...sending everyone much love and hopefully at least a sliver of hope

Long holiday weekends are torture for me, too. I go crazy without someone to talk to or eat with. It's been a little over 3 months for me, and I thought I was coping and getting stronger, when the first roller coaster wave of sorrow hit me again out of the blue and I couldn't stop crying. I thought for some reason that the pain eased with time, but have since found out that it never really stops and I'll undoubtedly be on this roller coaster ride for the rest of my life. I dread the upcoming "big" holidays.

Hi Liz
I could have written your post myself. This holiday weekend was the 1 yr 1 week anniversary for me and it knockd me flat. Last year at this time was his funeral. To top it off I hurt my knee and ended up in ER for 3+ hrs alone and remembering a year ago when he died in ER. Awful time. At least from all the comments we are sure not alone. Maybe we should have had a virtual cook out for all of us who were alone and miserable. Hang in there and ride the waves. Unfortunately they hit when we least expect it. Hugs, Robyn

The holidays are always difficult. No family here to invite over. Most of my girlfriends still have their husbands. So I joined a meetup group and nice bunch of ladies to have lunch with and a movie. Monday through Friday busy volunteering and taking classes. Wekends are still rough. My neighbor has stage iv cancer and no family around either so I take lunch or dinner over and spend time with her. Take her to hospital/doctor appointments. I am also visiting someone in assisted living who needs company. Just miss my husband and his sense of humor, positive attitude, companionship... Always thought we would grow old together... Much peace ...

It seems like the longer it is (31 months for me) the deeper the pain is...Everyone thinks you should have already moved on, like they have.