Hi All,
I have been staying away because although the tears still come they are in short spurts and I can get busy and move away from the pain. As wonderful as you all have been for me in my journey I find when I am doing fairly well and come here and read your posts I fell your pain then it brings mine to the surface and I just can't stop crying so I just have to step away from the pain every once and a while. Today though it is a rainy thunderstormy day and the tears just keep coming no matter what I do to try to stop them so here I am back again.

In reading Michele's post I do understand how you feel so well. I was running late the other day coming home from work and whenever that happened my cell phone was sure to ring and it would be Al calling to see if everything was okay. Now no one is there to care when I get home or even if I ever do (unless you count my cat but she is just hungry LOL) My phone rarely rings anymore so I truly feel so alone. My inlaws do reach out from time to time with texts but everytime I hear from them it just brings me more tears so right now I am keeping my distance from them just so I can keep going. I do have one good friend of my husbands who I talk to about once a week and he is such a kind level headed person with a great sense of humor that I always end up laughing and feeling better after I talk to him.
I did have one funny story from the other morning. I was running late and ran out the door fortunately I looked down and saw I had one navy sock and one black sock on so had to run back in the house and change them. Ran outside again and looked down to see that now I had one patterned black sock and one plain one so back in the house I ran again. I know Al would have been laughing so hard at this point he would have been rolling on the floor and even though it bought tears to my eyes to think about it I had a little chuckle also.
Scott I read your post also about clearing out your wife's clothing right away but then having a meltdown after getting to the things that were more personal. I have not been able to go near Al's closet except to put somethings away that were lying around when he first was gone then I just shut the door and haven't been able to open it since. Maybe in the spring. Right now with winter approaching I just want to hibernate. I give you credit for the strength you showed and understand why the meltdown occurred. Those little things that we shared that meant so much are just to hard to deal with at this time but hopefully as time passes we will be able to find the joy we once found in them.
Sorry it seems i only come here on the really bad days and I hope you all understand. I love you all for your kindness and support. Thanks for being there.
Kathy