Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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aloneishard 03/29/2014

Tonight it dawned on me; grief has stolen my sense of humor. How could anything be funny? I realized tonight, it makes me angry on the inside when others laugh. How dare you laugh and how dare you expect me to laugh with you. Crazy stupid to a rational person, but grief messes with you in ways a rational person cannot understand. Dont get me wrong, I want to laugh, but I seem to have forgotten how. Janice would not want me to spend my days moping around acting like a stick in the mud. I hope time fixes this, because have no idea how to go about it.
This is one of the strangest questions I have ever asked, but I am completely serious, so here goes.
Can a person train themselves to enjoy funny?

deleted_user 03/29/2014

Laughter is a gift, and, I agree, it is hard to hold on to when one feels so sad. I think of how when I was upset about mundane things (stress at work, for example), my husband could turn it into a comedy routine. He was so funny, could do imitations, and could find the ironic in most situations. He would soon have me laughing instead of stressing. How I miss that!

Now, I do laugh once in a while at something on TV or something my grandkids do or say. But it seems to come from a different place within me, not like before.

DorothyJoan

deleted_user 03/29/2014

I couldn't laugh for a long time. Went on a short trip with old high school friends and we laughed and laughed at silly things like we used to in the old days. The first time I laughed I was shocked and thought my face would break. It didn't and I guess we just have to get to that place in our grief. I may not laugh as often now but now I can. Take care.

marie444 03/30/2014

Don't worry about your sense of humor. It's still there. It will surface when you are emotionally ready. I couple of times I surprised myself by laughing about something.

LostAndFeelingAlone 03/30/2014

I went through what you are feeling. I could never understand how people could joke when I lost my husband only months ago. It always seemed like "only" months ago.

Me personally, I had to force myself to smile. There is a theory that if a person goes through the motions often enough, that it will become a part of them. So I forced myself to trigger happiness. I felt like a phony when I was going through the motions, but now I can smile and giggle at stuff with ease.

I am so glad you brought this up. I found it interesting reading the replies. It's seems to be so different for everyone.

matthew90 03/30/2014

Your humor is still there. In the first several months, mine was virtually non-existent as well. It slowly began to show up, briefly, then disappear again for a time. At nine months, humor has become an ally to me in this struggle to live again. Still, when enjoying the light moments, there just seems to be that little voice in the background, that says; yeah, that is funny, but Sharry is still gone. Perhaps, as time passes, we will be able to enjoy humor completely, without the asterisk. Hope yours returns soon.
Robert

dalek15 03/30/2014

I'm at 6 months and I have laughed. It will come to you when your ready and it will be spontaneous. I felt guilty about it for about a second of so then realized it was OK and what my wife would certainly want for me. It feels like there isn't much that is funny at this moment but you will laugh again. Take it easy on yourself and give it time.

dl1959 03/30/2014

My Roby was a funny man. He loved to make everyone laugh. When we were planning the funeral we told stories about him and laughed. We laughed at the funeral, the pastor talked about his since of humor.
Whenever I get the chance to talk about him it includes laughter.
With that said it was months before I could laugh on my own. But it comes and it will happen. I felt guilty at first but it got better with time.

Diane

praised 03/31/2014

My daughter, grandson and I spent his birthday at the movies. We had a wonderful time seeing "Last Vegas" I laughed through the whole movie and even purchased it from Amazon. He had passed away four months before.

aloneishard 03/31/2014

Judging from all the replies, If I want funny, I best go find it. Let it soak in, laugh with someone and let it become part of me again. Sounds like a viable plan to me. Now, who wants to go see a movie with me?

barbarame 03/31/2014

It is OK my dear - but be assured, you WILL laugh again. I know where you are right now, but that will pass and real gut laughter is very healing. Big ((HUGS))

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