you are right, Jon. Except it is much worse than "not fair". Being without our other half is just plain wrong and cruel !
We were married for 41 years.
I do not know how to get used to being this incomplete.

Barb.

I hate my situation, but I love the life line this community extends. I have been having a crappy Friday night. Just watched a couple episodes of a series we used to watch together. Had a couple good cries while watching. Feeling bored, lost, lonely and thought I would jump online and see what has been posted lately. Jon, you are so not alone in what you are feeling tonight.

Sending some peace and love your way.
Kate

Hi Jon, I seem to be getting busier and busier with life now 11 months plus into this, which I choose to believe is a good thing. But I think I missed welcoming you here, as I try to do everyone, my apology. I am truly sorry for you loss, as we all are. Juanita and I were married for 30 years, and it is she that taught me how to have real love in my heart and in my life -- not the fako kind of love I grew up with -- she broke through my stoney heart -- took alot of years but she never gave up on me. And her Mexican family freaked me out at first because they knew how to love me as well. How different and unhappy my life would have been without Juanita. I have much to be thankful for -- I lived a blessed life with her and now I look for my next chapter to begin -- knowing in my heart that it will be better -- I just don't know how that is possible but know it to be true.

So after 11 months, I reconnected my CATV about 2 weeks ago -- I've watched no tv for all the reasons you write. I've simply enjoyed the quiet time which has given me the opportunity to sort all this out in my head without distraction. But in over 2 weeks, I've only turned the TV on twice -- most recently earlier this week when I watched back to back crossover shows of NCIS and NCIS New Orleans. And I was good with that, and haven't turned the tv back on. And I am really enjoying not having a clue what the news has been these past 11 months. If I want distraction, I just play my rock n roll music. So I get how sad it is for you not having her there to watch it with you. I have to gravitate to things we didn't do together - like listening to music - my thing, not hers. God bless and comfort you Jon ~~~ Scottie

I'm so sorry for your loss Jon..I know how badly it hurts, and you're right...It's NOT FAIR.
I lost my husband March 19/2015. We'd been together 21 1/2 years. then, over the Easter weekend, my son died from a sudden cardiac arrest. He was only 20 years old. Now, it seems I am just waiting for my own death...because really, that's all I have to look forward to at this point.

Trying to watch the shows that we used to watch is hard or me still. Though there is one I want to watch all the time now. Meredith used to make me sit and watch Vampire Diaries with her. I loathed the show but loved holding her on the sofa while she watched it. Now I have found myself on Netflix re-watching the episodes and trying to see what she liked about it. Have not found anything yet but it gives me happy memories at the same time lol So for now I will take it.

John

Not fair at all, though at times I'm starting to enjoy memories more now of good times shared. Happened to be talking earlier today about the Drive in Movies we enjoyed, and some have been on TV recently now that they're much older.

Still can't handle thinking of all the planned activities that never happened, Carol was So looking forward to her retirement and one of our greatest joys was in sharing things even when apart. Anything "interesting" was an excuse for a call when I was traveling for work, even if just a nice sunset.

There's nothing fair about losing the companionship of the one we love. It will be 9 years for me and I live again, but the unfairness of my loss still resides with me. The difference is I have learned after many tears and heartbreak that fair or not it is my reality. I'm sorry for your loss and hope being with us gives you comfort and support. Sharon

I had a visit from my wife Lyn last Monday afternoon. Some say I'm crazy some say I'm blessed. All I know is that the feeling it left me with is encouragement and hope. I know without a doubt where she is and we will reunite whe my race is over. Easier said than done I realize that.
This morning, Sunday, I got up and for some reason because of a silly dream I had that meant nothing I began to get down again. So I went here and started reading everyone's posts and getting involved. The only thing that has stopped that possible downward spiral is knowing that I'm not alone going thru this. I have said it before. But it is bitter sweet that although I wish noone had to go thru this I am grateful there are others here who are feeling the same.
And so again I have gained stength from all of the folks here and their willingness to share with others their pain. Take care all.
Peace, Tim