Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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kindredspirit 07/19/2017

My wife gave me a ring with the inscription two souls one heart. Now, 2 years after her death, it is just me and I really feel all alone in this world without her. I feel that way when I'm by myself or with people. With my joy and desire severly diminished, I find myself just existing day to day. I have found one thing that keeps me going. I am a total music nerd. I've been obssesively collecting music for the last 45 years and playing drums for the last 30 (giving lessons for the last 4). My rock and roll obsession is the only thing I can still get pleasure from. I may never get out this sadness, but I'm glad I can have one thing to hang on to. My advice is not to be in a hurry to try and find your way to happiness again. Just try and find one thing to enjoy and take the rest day by day.

handg 07/19/2017

Thanks for sharing...For me it was sewing and that was followed by enrolling into a program to become an EA ...Things that was meant for me and not for "the couple" .

3ladybugs 07/20/2017

Thank you for sharing. My husband has been gone 11 months now. And I find that that is exactly what I am doing. Just existing.....going through the motions of each day. I look forward to going to work everyday. So I guess that is a good thing. My husband was a drummer. Playing classic rock in a band was something he enjoyed.

cliffskat 07/21/2017

I found that I had to revisit hobbies and music from before I knew Cliff - stuff from my teens as we met when I was 20 (he died when I was 50). Music was integral to our relationship from Day 1, so it was a mine field for me. I learned to play bass just to be his 'side man' - he played guitar brilliantly. It took a very long time before I could listen to the music that was shared, and the tapes we made together took even longer. I'm okay listening to all of it now, but no longer play. I sold some of the guitars and one of nephews got the rest. We had a friend who was a session musician who took up the ukulele for a lark, and I am seriously thinking of trying one out. It just might be different enough but similar enough that I could handle it.

It's good you still have an interest that still intrigues you, and it is not unusual at all for everything else to lose its appeal. I found I had to push myself to try new things, but it was good that I did. I found new music, new hobbies, new interests, etc., and they all helped me as I rebuilt my life. Then when I became strong enough, I was able to revisit the things Cliff and I had shared without all the pain, just the warmth of the memories.

Hang in there....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

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