I am so sorry for your loss. With a child that age this has got to be so hard. Is there some type of grief counseling available for your child? Perhaps some reinforcement from another direction, in addition to your faith would help your son. I just reached the one year mark in December, and it is a hard thing to go through all those "firsts". My prayers are with you. laurabp

I hear the pain in your words. What you said about being a family of faith will be the foundation with which you will be able to answer these important questions your young ones are asking. Yep, it's a terrible spot to be in, and the pain is more than we would wish on our worst enemies. I pray that you will be given the strength and wisdom needed to guide your family into a future of trust and hope. God bless you on your journey as a survivor and as a great dad! How wonderful to have the assurance of ReNee's home with the Lord. TJ

Nothing is wasted. I don't have young children, my two are grown and have children and the younger ones understand our new life without my love. I'm at 14 months and my journey is continually up and down. I cried some yesterday. As with you my faith and that of my family has been the key to any progress I have made. I cherish my memories. An excerpt form a book I read is this-"wherever a beautiful soul has been, there is left behind for us a trail of beautiful memories"

It's so difficult as parents to be unable to "fix" our children's grief. My family is a "family of faith" also. But faith does not exempt us from the horrible pain, loss, suffering, or toll that grief takes on us. Remember that children have a different type of understanding of grief than adults do. It doesn't sound to me as if you have postponed or wasted anything. He is developmentally exactly where he should be in his understanding and his longing to have his mommy come back.

I'm so sorry, my friend. All of us here at DS can hug you from afar and say "I KNOW." If you are a reader I would suggest you go on Amazon.com and order some books on young children and grieving. That might help. Also, if you like to read two of the best books I read that helped me through my darkest days of grief were "A Grief Observed" by CS Lewis and "Traveling Through Grief" by Zonnebelt-Smeenge.

I will be praying for you and your son. Let God's Word keep hope alive in your heart.

Your friend, Tami

I will be praying as well. My dear husband went home with his Jesus almost 6 months ago and I too have small children. It has been rough, yet knowing that we will see him again in glory has been our hope, Jesus has been our Hope, Healer and Redeemer. My son is 8 and my daughter is 6 and they handle this both very, VERY, differently. My son REFUSED to talk about daddy the first few weeks, almost months, until a ray of hope shone through and HE brought it up - all he needed was his timing. My daughter, on the other hand, has wanted only to talk of daddy and all the memories. She worried me the most because when I came home from the hospital I didn't realize that she didn't understand what I was saying to her. It was only when a younger friend from our church came over and announced the reasoning for them being there that she got it...and it broke my heart. She thought that her daddy was sick and would be coming home soon...hearing that he was dead just tore her. However, that night she was the one asking all the questions about her daddy and how he died and wanted to know EVERYTHING. She still has her questions and I answer them as best I can and finally have asked her to make it between her and I as her "Bubba" (big brother) is still not ready to ask questions and really doesn't want to hear a lot just yet. I have found some great resources (this site being one) for them, I'd look into a grief support group for him or maybe even some counseling...your pastor would be a good person to ask about a children's counselor. We found a place where they can go once a week to be with kids "just like them" and be kids, talk about their dad and know that it's safe. They also offer support for the parents/caregiver if they want it. OK, didn't mean to write a novel, just offer support. God has never promised an easy road, just that His yoke is easy and His burden is light and He only gives us what we can handle...I have often questioned Him on this, "Lord are you sure I can handle this? This is just too big for me!" and that's when He says that He will carry me....He will carry you too...A

Going thru my year of firsts and I understand what you are feeling. I worry about my kids all the time, but I have to say that my youngest (age 6) seems to have adjusted well, but just wants everything explained matter-of-factly---so I think at this age it is normal for them to try to put things into perspective (like the comparison with Jesus). The conversations are hard, but I'm glad he is asking you the questions that will help him sort through his confusion. I had my kids each select a new Christmas ornament that reminded them of their dad this year and my youngest picked out a glittery gold feather--she said it was just how she imagined Jeff--always floating around her wherever she is....fortunately I think the young ones' capacity to feel joy can exceed our capacity to feel pain--and that's saying a lot. I'll say a special prayer for you and your children on the 26th.

Children grieve very differently than adults. I remember my husband telling me about when his father was murdered (he was six at the time). He did not cry, he said he did not fully understand what was going on. He was told his father died, but he did not have the same emotional reaction as the rest of his family. He struggled just the same. I look at photos from when he was six and seven and can see in his eyes there was a longing he didn't comprehend. What his family thought was his ability to handle the tragic death of his father was actually him learning to push his feelings down inside of himself.

It took years for him to talk to me about his dad's death. He was a father himself before I actually knew all of the details of his side the night before his father "never came home again".

You haven't wasted any time. Your young one is showing the signs of his grieving and that is a good thing. My husband thought his father's murder was his fault for a long time. It is just the way children internalize. His family never really knew how he felt. He thought in his child's mind that he had to be strong for his mother.

Children do grieve differently from adults. If you can, try to get your son into a children's grief center. It's mostly play therapy, but it does a world of good and there are parent supports also.