Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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It’s been awhile

honey94
honey94

hello everyone it’s been a very long while since I’ve posted in here. My fiancé has been gone almost 4years it’ll be in May. I still miss him everyday and I still have so many questions. But I must say I’ve really learned how to live life. I did start dating shortly after he passed but that didn’t go so well. 8 months in I found out the guy had a girlfriend and a baby on the way. Against my better judgement I still chose to hang around him. I dated other guys but none seemed to tickle my fancy enough to leave him alone, until June of last year. I met this guy from an online dating site. This man is absolutely wonderful but sometimes he seems to be too good to be true! My daughter loves him and she did not like me talking to anyone that wasn’t her dad. Things have seemingly become very serious and that pushed me into a breakdown.


I had to face realythat the love of my life wasn’t coming back. And this new guy is giving me everything I have ever wanted in a man and more. But so many times I find myself questioning what I’m doing as if it’s cheating or something. I just don’t know

scottito
scottito
There is a truism that I'm wrestling with: "You never know what we want until you find it". I may think I know what (or who) I want, but the reality falls short from the expectation. I'm not a young man anymore, and have grown to like my alone time. This is a new life and despite my best efforts, just settling doesn't work. At nearly 3 years, I realize that I am fragile and need to be careful what I jump into. Giving a full 4 seasons to any new relationship before making life altering decisions is some of the wisest advice I picked up along the way. The what and who I'm looking for has evolved for me in this aftermath, and I continue to change as I adjust to this aftermath. Glad to hear from you. Scott
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
honey, it's not uncommon to feel conflicted when you go into a new relationship after a loss. My advice would be to take your time. You will always miss your fiance. But in time, you may find that it doesn't mean you can't love someone else as well. You don't have to rush into anything. You've been with this new guy for less than a year. Even if you had never been through a loss, that's not a very long time. You don't have to have all the answers to everything right now. Give yourself a break.

Love and Hugs,
Martha
shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17
Met, don't sell yourself short. I'm right behind you. A lot of us on here are Baby Boomers, but we're feisty. You just never know.

Honey: There is a man out there whom I would like to know more about, but I DARE NOT ask questions (at my age LOL). I hate being patronized. I can see eyebrows being raised, and being told, ever so gently, that he is either married, or we're not compatible, or he's up too high on the social/corporate ladder, whatever. He has even left the state but may get transferred back. What they really mean is that I am a "has been. " "Been married three times, call it good" philosophy.

If you were not married to your deceased BF, there's no reason to feel guilty, IMHO.
honey94
honey94
Thank you all so much for your kind words and your experiences. My situation may be different in some aspects bc while I truly loved him and still do, I found out so much after his death. He had been cheating on me with numerous women and had a possible son on me. So parts of me I feel like I’m cheating and other parts of me feel like maybe this is what Love is supposed to be and everything my new boyfriend does I question him a lot and I know I shouldn’t do that.
raininseattle
raininseattle
From a previous post, and to everyone:
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

Honey: If you need to take the time, then take the time. If you have issues of trusting someone, maybe it is a good idea to see counseling so you can get some feedback.
honey94
honey94
Rain: thanks for that I’ve actially reached out to a counselor and am hoping to start that back soon, along with coming back on her for support. I really think i have emotions and things that I haven’t fully dealt with and I need to do that before I can fully give myself to my new friend.
nancy6464
nancy6464
My wife passed five months ago, so I don't really have any advice for you, so i will just offer triple hugs of support.~
honey94
honey94
Thank you I take all the hugs!! And give you hugs as well so sorry for your loss
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