Not to be cliche but I feel your pain. I'm in the second year and I am a wreck. I don't know if it will ever get better. I see no happiness down the line, sure I have my children and grandchildren but something so much is missing...her...it's hard to enjoy life at all. I'm just so sad all the time. Now and again I will smile when a certain memory comes up. Sometimes it's just too much. I miss her so much. It's getting so I can't wait to join her. Not that I would do anything to myself but I'm not afraid to die. If I was standing under a building and a piano or big safe was about to fall into me I would be like...well ok, fine.

Dear Darlene,
I am at 3 1/2 years since my soulmate died. The despair is less profound. The pain is like a bruise that is getting more numb as time passes. But, once in a while, the bruise hurts badly again - something triggers it - a commercial on TV, a smell, a song, a special date. BUT the despair that comes at that particular moment with the realization that he is gone for real no longer brings me to the floor crying. It lasts a while, a few minutes, like a wave it crashes over me, but now, I am left standing. When I compare where I was to where I am, Darlene it will get better for you too. He lives in me and I carry him in my heart. He gives me strength and I can still feel his love for me. Cry, let it out. Then wipe your tears, lift your chin up and walk tall. He is with you. Driftersoul

I have not posted in a while ; its been 7 months, 22 days for me now since losing my wife..and recently, the past couple weeks especially, its been like i've been kicked in the stomach and then kicked more while i am down..

for me, i have to echo matoacalady - i could have written that word for word "the loneliness is the worst. People stop calling, I mean just stop. I have never felt so alone in my entire life. I do get out of the house but I have to come home to empty and quiet.

I just still can't understand the why....."

i've been trying to prep my house for sale too move..and all its done is stir up memories of our 25 years there..i dont even want to imagine a year 2 being worse..

Thanks Darlene for bringing up this topic. I, too, have wondered about the actual progression of grief and healing. I think, as others have mentioned, that I'm finding it to be a differing type of grief in the second year. Getting through the year of firsts' was all about survival and one day at a time baby steps. Having reached that mark . . I thought all would become magically better. NOT It is simply different. I'm finding that the desire to reclaim my life and "me" in this new norm is not so easy. I'm back to baby steps and one day at a time, still holding the faith that it will get better, I will find "me" again, peace, love and happiness in the next chapter of life. I wish the same for you on this journey (and for all). Hugs, D

This post reminded me of a Judy Collins song. "Who knows Where the Time Goes". Unfortunately, when you lose a spouse like all of us here, we continue to ask this question and try to expect that there is a time frame, mostly because of the people around us that have no clue and try to impose a time frame for something they know nothing about. Perhaps the time frame for grief is to embrace this grief for the rest of our life. To know that is is here to stay. To define a purpose for it. To love the source that brought it to us. Would we ever really want to let it go. I don't think so. pj1952