Just over three agonizing months for me and I can relate to each of you. Had a massive crying jag last night and feel exhausted today. Tears are just right below the surface. I still can't imagine a future without him. I know no better. Can't remember him not in my life. So we just tredge on, day by day hoping for some relief! This is not living. Grief goes with you no matter how far you travel. I do have hope for the future thanks to the wonderful people on this site who have gone through this before us. I guess I will just have to hold on to that belief for now. Hugs and Love to all, Michele

Im so sorry for your pain. I can certainly relate to your post. I have to say for me at 9 months into a journey I never wanted to take its still hard. Everything reminds me of him, Every place I go I have memories, I have three children that are struggling at three different levels and I can't seem to help them. I am still having problems with my days and nights being backwards. For me the fog is still here. Its good that you are going out with friends because it gives you a sense of feeling out the waters if you know what I mean. Take small steps and if those steps go backwards then thats ok. Each journey is different and we all have hurdles to jump over. You can do this one day, one hour, one step at a time. Try to take care of yourself as much as you can.

Dear MorningGloryAlone, greetings. I am walking exactly the same path as you, as my beloved wife of 55 years, Barbara, went to a better place the day prior to your own very sad .loss, viz. March 14th.
I can assure you that for me the emotion of loss is still very raw. Today, for the first time since that date, I managed to switch on the TV. I haven't done that for 19 weeks as I cannot bring myself to see those programmes which Barbara loved to watch. However I plucked up the courage, believing that at least part of the grief was now behind me. But, what I didn't expect was that the internal hurt could return with a vengeance. Barbara and I used to like the songs of our young days and often just sing them together, (when we could remember the words) . This morning suddenly, one of our favourites suddenly and unexpectedly emerged as the background song to a UK TV advert. Older readers may remember Kitty Kallin singing "Little things mean a Lot". I used to sing this to Barbara accompanied, for a bit of fun, by the actions mentioned in the song such as "Touch my hair as you pass my chair.." etc. Dear MorningGloryAlone, I simply burst into tears and it took me quite some time to compose myself. So I share your pain, despite the passing of the 19 weeks since both of our beloveds went to a better place. The internal hurt is always there. Even my son, thinks that I should be "Getting over" it by now, but I'm not as indeed MorningGloryAlone, you also are not. So please take heart, we are with you all the way and fully understand your emotions. Indeed we have the same ones.
Kindest regards
Jon (In the UK)

Those times of severe loss are the most difficult of any experience I have ever been through. I thought my life had died with him and, yes, I wished the Lord would take me too. Somehow I got through the days and years to a place where I can live again. I remember feeling myself leaving the tunnel of grief and it frightened me. I felt like the loss had became fear of what now. It's the way of getting through the loss. The life we had has changed. It's okay to miss the way it was. It's also okay to laugh and to cry. Hugs to you all. Sharon

Yes, I have been actually surprised that I did not die of a broken heart. It is the most horrible, agonizing pain I have ever felt. It has been 1 year & 1 month since he left my world, but I miss him still SOO much!! In the beginning I kept asking him to come & get me....that is what I would tell him when he was here in my world "If you ever die before me, you better come & get me" he never said that he would.... he just always had this like faraway look in his eyes... like he knew something. I want to be with him so much!

Thank you to everyone who has given words of encouragement, words of understanding, and words of hope. You all mean very much to me. Knowing you are not alone helps a little.
Earlier today I made myself go to the drug store. Sounds ridiculous I know. But sometimes the anxiety of just leaving the house is powerful. I managed to get about half the things I needed. There's always tomorrow.
It is a weird, unsettling feeling I have though- when I'm shopping or having a quick dinner with a couple of friends. I guess it's just that I have such pain and sadness inside, that I am trying to cover. And the people I'm with or that are around me are happy and peaceful inside. Dear God, I have to believe one day I will again have some measure of peace and some happiness inside. And not just "faking it".
I did order one of those "stress reducing adult coloring books" yesterday. With a set of gel pens. I'll let you all know if it proves to be helpful. I'm also planning to order this one month study guide on learning some Hebrew as you study part of the Old Testament. Comes with a CD. Trying to keep the brain sharp.
Thanks again for reading my ramblings and for taking the time to reply!

All good Morning Glory . . really. I'm so glad you came across the adult coloring book . . I just talked to my Auntie Charlie yesterday who gave rave reviews about this cathartic process of "creation" . . Good for you!!

As for the pain . . and debilitation of said pain . .I understand. It's mind boggling and hard to wrap the brain around losing our spouse, our love, our future. No words can express the emptiness you (we) feel. Unfortunately, there is no "off switch" . . we endure . . one day, one baby step at a time. It's not easy, but it is do-able. With self-love, gentle hugs and understanding . . we can and will muck through this journey.

Sending you much love and positive healing energy. xo, D