Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Is this it?

Nicker07
Nicker07
My friend who lost her husband (2 years almost) after I lost mine said Do you ever think "Is this all life is now?"

I have to agree is this all there is to our lives now? For her she has a ranch to run - hay to put up - cattle to feed among other animals. I have my 2 horses, 2 dogs, and 2 cats and taking care of 5 acres. I have nothing else...my kids are busy with their lives as are grandkids. I have no true friends nearby in my rural area. The friend above if 50-60 miles away and busier than ever..

SO we do what have to do, and come in at night, wipe off our feet (well she does), take our showers, eat and watch TV til we sleep.
Is this all there is now? We figure so...somedays it is enough others it sucks!!!

BUT neither of us know what to do about it. We both feel we are too old to find another someone to share our lives - when my SIL's dad tried to get friendly more than I wanted it was YUCK (he is a nice guy too) but
POINT still is this what life is just this....
mel40
mel40
Have you thought about planning a getaway with a friend or some of the online dating websites? I have friends who have been successful in the websites. My husband has been gone just over 7 weeks, I'm watching other couples fight and I'm glad to be single. But I am taking a trip with a friend soon. Hope you can think of some way to overcome the doldrums.
Community Leadermarjoe
marjoe
I don't have an answer, per se, Nicker, but I'll jump right in. I've asked myself this question a lot over the past years. Sometimes it's not just about what we want to do, sometimes a lot of it is out of our control (economy, for example). For me, it was a weird mix of wanting to change everything, and wanting everything to stay the same, all at the same time. Looking back, I see that although I've lived essentially the same life, the changes inside of me have been huge. It's not evident too much to the outside world, but it is to me. Maybe it's G-d's way of telling me to be patient, I don't know. I've seen the growth and strength and changes in you since you started posting. You've done a hell of a lot, my friend.
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
No, it has to be more than 'producing!' More than working, more than staying busy, more than sulking (which I did often), more than pity parties (had my share of them too). There is more, but you can't see or find it until you redefine you. Not as wife, or mother/father, or job, but you. Not an easy task and certainly time consuming, but worth the effort. Who are you, inside? I had no answer then, but I do now. Sharon
Community Leadermarjoe
marjoe
So very true, Sharon. The definitions of who I was just didn't work any more. A lot were dropped by the wayside. Anymore, I'm simply Marsha, a lot of the time. It's like being stripped to the core..and that's not a bad thing. It's taken a lot of thinking to get to this point, and it's ongoing. Again, not a bad thing.
violet1213
violet1213
It's not that I don't agree, I to need to find out who I am, but how come 30 years ago I got married lived a beautiful life with my Stephen and never was asked to find out who I am? Does that make sense to anyone?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Is this it? For me and for now...this is it....and this is enough. It is what I can handle now...less than 4 months along.

However...I do know and accept the reality that if I want more...it is up to me and me alone. And I WANT MORE. Not sure what I want...but more than "this'.

Our family, kids and grandkids, live nearby and we are very close...do many things together. But each of their families is a separate unit...just as my husband and I were our own unit.

Now that I am a unit of ONE...I am determined to build my own life, make my own friends, do my own things...and NOT latch-on to my children's lives. I've seen that happen too many times after one parent dies.

I do not want my kids to BE my LIFE. That is unfair, unhealthy and burdensome for kids.
sandeestttn
sandeestttn
maxine..... I agree exactly....
my-jimmy
my-jimmy
There's a song titled "Is that all there is"? Bette Midler remade it... can't remember original... Peggy Lee or someone from that era. Yes I often ask "Is That All There Is"? Somedays yes "That's All There Is".... don't like don't have to but "It Is What It Is" Blessings all!