I could understand you loved your wife and wouldn't want her to feel the pain you are going through. You would rather be the one to take on the pain instead of her.

You are not a "shit". It's called love. I know that my wife and I had the kind of love that we would have gladly taken the bullet to save the other. I'm sure if given the choice between her having the cancer or me, she would have chosen herself. And I would have chosen myself over her. But as I began to experience the depths of pain previously unknown to me in my grief, I was so glad that she was not the one left behind to suffer like I was. And if the tables were turned, she would have felt the same way. I would do anything to keep her from pain and suffering, as she would me. So like I say, it's called love. And you were a very lucky man to have had that with her. ~~~ Scottie

Hi there no you are not a shit as you put it, my ed passed Dec and if it's was me who whent first she would be stuck with no means of transport and being in a new area with no one around our daughters don't live nearby and bus services are not that great, ed would have been cut of from everybody as I'm he one that used to drive ed everywhere even work and back did this for 40 years, mick.

You are not a shit. I have occasionally thought the same thing about my husband. The grief and pain and sorrow are just tremendous sometimes and I wouldn't want him to suffer the way I am suffering. Furthermore, I have a strong suspicion that he would not handle it as "well" as I have managed to do. I might be wrong, but I don't think that I am. We were married 31 years and you get to know someone pretty well in that period of time.

The grief of losing the love of our lives is overwhelming, but you have the additional burden of having lost her in a way that had to have been a horrible shock. To say you have been through a lot would be an understatement. Allow yourself to have feelings, even some that do not feel "appropriate". I never imagined that I would feel anger toward my husband, but I do...............because he did not follow the doctor's advice to get his lung nodules checked out when he still might have had a fighting chance to live. The whole time he was sick I never felt any anger but I sure did after he died! And of course, then I felt bad about it, but it was a feeling I needed to have. Give yourself the space to feel whatever you need to feel. Not wanting your wife to suffer as you are now suffering is a very loving thing to feel.

Sylvia

My son was the one who pointed out to me that if I had died instead that my boys "would have been screwed" as Cliff would never have managed to hold it together. I was stunned by the comment, but had to recognize that as much as I hated being the one left behind that it was probably true. When you love someone so deeply, you don't want them to suffer.

It's all right, we understand the comment here.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Thanks for all the kind words everyone! I do feel better about myself now knowing others have similar feelings. I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my last word. That's how I felt about myself. But not any longer thanks to all of you. Hugs out to all.

I asked my sweetheart how she would feel if I went before her. She said she'll be crushed. I would not want her to walk my walk for the last year and a half. This is very different from wishing someone to be dead, which isn't what you meant at all.

i think that's a beautiful thought and truly shows the depth of your love. <3

Ditto to all comments here - do not feel bad for voicing your feelings or thoughts. It just shows that you loved her with all your heart. That is the greatest gift you could have given her.
Roxanne

NO, you are not a shit. What you said, and meant, came from a selfless love.
I do not like being the one left here At All.
My husband went to heaven during a healthy sleep. I envy him for being surprised by Waking Up in heaven that morning! Having no illness, I think it Can make a difference in how we view their departure. Now, my husband hated illnesses and injuries, whereas I have survived several of them already.
If he had a severe illness, I would have wanted to spare him that.
but Oh Boy, I feel sorry for myself being left here. My husband was the strong one. He was more adaptable than me.
In the end, I think he "fought the good fight, he finished the race, he kept the faith" , and God took him Home.
Me? I have not yet finished the course.
but that's my personal viewpoint.

I agree with everyone else, you should not feel like a shit, you loved her and would not want her to go through the pain you are experiencing. I know that pain you are feeling, my husband passed in 2015, and still to this day, that pain remains. I never thought of it till I read your post, and I know now that I would not have wanted him to go through what I am now.

Same feelings here, no way would I want Luise to suffer as I have for the past year. I have said the same thing that you had said in the past.

I said that to myself. I sincerely would not want my wife to suffer with the pain and worries I have. She had suffered losses herself and I think she was chosen instead of me for a reason. If we had choses the less painful would be depart the earth. A critical thinker would understand what you said. Don't worry about the people with limited incite. You must love your wife as much as I love mine to worry about something you said. I know that I try to only confide in people who are at a higher level of compassion and understanding. Good luck Dwight