Hi Vicky, I hope that soon all will be in a suitable place of feelings for you. You do have my sympathies for your pain.

Obviously, being around shared friends, those of your husband and you, will raise trifling thoughts now. Only the scene will only "appear" to you as troublesome, and this is so because your own special memories resurface constantly yet in a more powerful and uncomfortable way as before, in which moments the ability to bear past events and experiences shared with your husband is shoved to the light of others' joy, but then too obscure for you to recall your own personal joy and happiness; for it is presently mingled with too much sorrow and uncertainty. This is indeed normal though unfortunate for you.

However you may learn of certain coping techniques to use in the course of persuading those hard thoughts and feelings into strictly positive ones, refresh your social skills, and you may safely position yourself into engaging this plan while still mingling in the presence of old and new audiences. May be of a help for you to find a good publication on instruction for self-focusing (or self-improvement), focusing on yourself for improvement. And focus most on good, optimistic ideas rather than reviewing bad ones, and this way is very beneficial when you are bothered by anger or impatience.

And I am sure that people really do get it that you are feeling alone now. It is just that, to a degree, many are at a loss when it comes to how to handle your sensitive feelings. Still they do appreciate it that you have not locked-out your company. Keep trying to focus on the everlasting memories you shared with your husband, as the love has not really vanished. You only imagine it this way, and when you are comfortable with the idea of his soul-felt presence, which has never departed, then you may move through the crowds of your friends quite gracefully. I do hope so, dear one :-).

Remiah <3

https://www.sharecare.com/health/grief-emotional-health/article/coping-with-grief

I read this article and perhaps this may further help you. Bless.

vickytic, Oh, how I so very much agree with you. I am at seven years and have made new friends who never even knew my husband. I have to disagree with Remiah in "I am sure that people really do get it that you are feeling alone now." My experience is that either they really don't get it or they simply don't care. I also think that there is very little understanding about the grief process, and people get tired of hearing that you are not happy. I had a very close friend previous to my husband's death who was absent after his death. Although she has tried to make amends during the past year, I will never feel the same about her. There is just no re-do that can make up for the abandonment that I felt and the disappointment that she wasn't "there" for me when I had emotionally supported her years ago when she was going through an unexpected painful divorce. So I completely get what you are saying and think it is very normal. Roxanne

Judy and Roxanne,
Thanks so much for sharing your feelings.......I very much appreciate it, as it helps to give me confirmation that my feelings are not completely crazy. I so get everything you're both saying!
Vickie

Vickie, we strive to be with people who understand us and allow us to express ourselves in our true form. Friends are made by association sometimes, and that link is broken when this major life event occurred. Sometimes it feels more alone to have to put on a happy face and pretend things are fine just to not start a pity party. Why bother? That's when we begin to drift apart...

I have problems with some of my old friends because we used to go out as couples. I tend to avoid that because I'm no a couple anymore. You aren't the same person you were before your husband died. You will probably have different friends and do different things. I would think that is normal.