Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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NewRoadsForMe 05/07/2011

I have said from Day One (16 months ago) that I have no interest in dating or remarrying. I still feel that way. Joe did not really want me to remarry and I don't want to, either. However, for these 16 months I have been in such pain and loneliness, no one to talk to, confide in, get a hug from. I've been depressed and hoped for a message from God or Joe as to how to be happy again. I'm going through the motions, like staying busy, but at the end of the day I still have to come home alone with no one to share my thoughts with.

I've read here that many of you have "felt" your husbands/wives send you messages of one sort or another. I haven't felt anything but silence and was feeling left out. I prayed to God why Joe couldn't or wouldn't send me some message. Yesterday, I gently and soundlessly received a message from Joe saying, "I want you to have someone to care for you. I don't want you hurting." Today I began thinking of how I can have a man care for me without his wanting to get married. Years ago when single, I had a wonderful, loving man in my life for several years who was 17 years older than I. He wanted nothing but to care for me, no marriage, no sex. I realized that I would really love to have a man like that come into my life, maybe more of a father figure. We laughed, we hugged, we confided, we traveled. Do you think there might be a man out there for me who might want to be best friends but not anything more?

Wmsbaby 05/07/2011

Perhaps his message to you was his way of telling you that a change is coming to your life....like someone to share it with...one thing I've learned is never say never!!

ECochran 05/07/2011

I believe the Lord will send you people to enter into our lives when you least expect it or when you need them. Pray daily. I do because like you I miss my husband so much. I have two friends right now who are a Godsend only one stepped up that is an old friend and one is a new friend. Sadly some whom I thought would be there are not. Edie

msholiday282 05/07/2011

There are many good men out there. I'm sure there is a man for you that will fit right in with you. I feel that when love is deep you don't need sex. I've been widowed for 9 months now and have a few couple of very nice men in my life. Just dating. But it sure will lift your spirits to have an interest, as it did mine. Good luck.

deleted_user 05/07/2011

i feel the same way, i dont know what do do the lonliness is so overwhelming. i use to think i would never want anyone after randy died , but i think ill go mad if i dont have someone to talk or share things with

widowhoodsucks 05/07/2011

I would love to have a male friend too. Nothing more. Don't know if a man would settle for that. Most men need sex in their life. I just don't feel like I can give anything but friendship. If its meant to be, God will have to send him my way because I don't go anywhere to find a man.Good luck! It would be nice to have someone to travel/have dinner with.

leminmpls 05/07/2011

I miss having a partnership - I feel like I want a relationship but on the other hand, at this point, is that just because I want to be rescued, to have someone who can help take care of all this crap? But I do miss the yin/yang of being in a relationship.

deleted_user 05/07/2011

I think the younger generations have found it acceptable to have Male friends. My hubby was older and he did not believe in a married woman having "male friends" unless it was with couples we knew. My sons who are in their 20's have female friends as well as their signifigant others have male friends.Hubby was always suspicious of that. I have recently made a male friend, Also much older than I, he is also a widower, so he understands my feeling of commitment to my past, and my hesitance to letting go. Only you know where you want a relationship to go, and if friendship is all your looking for then let that be known. Then let life happen, however works for you. Good luck, and Hugs to you

NewRoadsForMe 05/07/2011

To Widowhood: I, too, do not go where people go to meet the opposite sex - bars, parties, etc. Where I go, I am home in bed by 11:00 PM. I go where I worship, where I have fun, where I learn things, where I can help others, etc. I love nature, water, camping, animals, NASCAR, football, etc. If a man shows up at one of those outings and God puts him RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, then I might consider friendship with him and see if we have the same needs and goals. I am overly cautious due to past errors in the choices of men to date (back in the day). Wiser now, stronger now, values are set. God, it is, as always, in your hands.

deleted_user 05/07/2011

My husband was much older than I. He was upfront and open with me about his thoughts an feelings. The worst possible thing for him would be for me not to be with him.I told him that if something happened to me, he should re marry. He would discuss his not being around, and that I could do things with my " next boyfriend". Even after 30 years he acted like my boyfriend! He took care of me in so many ways.There will never be anyone else like him, but I want to rejoin the world of the living.I thought I received a sign from him, and I was troubled about it for months. If I met a man that was interesting then I would not rule out getting to know him and that would include sex. I don't know about marrying again, however..

icezam19 05/07/2011

I am still married to Bill. He died but my commitment to him is still real.

That said, I would like to have a guy to talk to - friend only. I doubt if a man would want to take second place but I couldn't imagine it any other way.

Honestly, the only thing that helps me is - hoping, hoping, hoping that Bill and I will be together again. Hoping that there IS life after death.

Nicker07 05/07/2011

My best friend for 33+ yrs was a guy, still is, through all of my life: hurts, divorce, college at age 38 he was there for me, and I for him when he went through back surgery, divorce, a move and chldren problems.
Would never marry him but he has been the bestest best friend anyone could have.
I hope I find someone to be with, being alone is awful - and for the next 20 yrs which I may live longer - but remarriage not so sure, I think I would like him to have his place, me mine - and no getting involved with men with older children in an financial situation - this taught me well. Whats mine is mine and his is his.

michaelbmanning 05/07/2011

I agree with slgooch. My generation has male friends, as well as female friends that are not married. Younger couples usually don't do everything together and have similar intrests. With that said, the only male I really want to see is one that appears with a riding lawn mower. I pay him and he goes away till next week.

Maggie

Truhal 05/07/2011

I've been looking for years. It started when I saw this movie called Love in a Goldfish Bowl at the age of 7. In it, two platonic friends went on vacation. I thought, when I grow up I want a friend like that. I'm an only child, so what I really wanted was a big brother. Flash forward ten years and I found guy friends who wanted to be boyfriends. Can I help it I'm cute(lol). Anyhow, I searched for years and everytime the same thing, I ended up dating them. I did find one guy who wanted to be just friends. But I didn't and he was gay.

Years later I met my husband and he and I were just friends. Then we ended up getting married. Now, I'd love to have a guy friend that wants to hang out and nothing more. It's not likely to happen, though. Very few men want to be just platonic with a woman.

NewRoadsForMe 05/07/2011

Maggie, I love your reply! You need a lawn mower guy, I need a chain saw guy. Lots of trees, always with hanging/falling/dead limbs. When I try to use power tools, I always cut something, usually the electric cord.

Lininsocal 05/07/2011

Our train of thought on this issue is along the same lines. We would like to have someone to care for and care for us but we are not ready to become involved. Our interest is budding as we live with our loneliness. If someone was to come along that would fill our hearts and bring joy to our lives we just might be receptive. If it is meant to happen I believe it will.
Last night I went to Karaoke with a girlfriend and her guy. I saw a friend I hadn't seen in some time. There was an interest. He is a real crooner...he was leaving and came to bid me goodbye. His hug was warm and comforting and he kissed me a tender peck on the lips that was also so sweet. It has been a long time since I have been kissed.....kind of confusing but mostly just nice...
I know I don't want to be alone for the rest of my days. I won't go out looking but I won't deny a potential if God sees fit to send someone special my way.

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