Drew, your diagnosis of ADD would explain a lot of the problems you are having, or at least explain the extra layer of difficulty you are experiencing. Here is the description of ADHD/ADD from DS's support group:

"Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurologic syndrome that exhibits symptoms such as hyperactivity, forgetfulness, mood shifts, poor impulse control, and distractibility, when judged to be chronic, as symptoms of a neurological pathology. It is seen in both children and adults and is believed to affect as much as 10% of the population...

Much controversy surrounds the diagnosis. There is disagreement over whether or not the diagnosis denotes a genuine disability or simply serves as a label for something else. Of those who believe that ADHD is a true disorder, there is debate over how it should be treated, if it should be treated at all. Medical science generally regards ADHD to be a valid disorder, that, although not curable, can be treated with a wide range of medication.

ADHD is most commonly diagnosed in children. When diagnosed in adults, it is regarded as adult attention-deficit disorder (AADD). It is believed that anywhere between 30 to 70% of children diagnosed with ADHD retain the disorder as adults.

There are many options available to treat people diagnosed with ADHD. The options with the greatest scientific support include a variety of medications, behavior-changing therapies, and educational interventions."

Here is where that group is located on this site:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/ADHD-ADD/support-group

I have had friends with kids who had it, and worked for a lawyer who was finally diagnosed with ADD. As soon as he went on medication, his entire life turned around - seriously. It was AMAZING! It is entirely treatable with medication. The lawyer I worked with was put on a couple of meds before he found the right one, but once he got the right one for him (which was Adderall) - he just blossomed - it was a whole new lease on life for him. He was able to cope and rebuild his life and his practice. He had gone through a terrible divorce, had been drinking to stuff away the hurt, and his abilitiy to practice law had gone down the tubes. I encouraged him to go back to his doctor and get some testing, and sure enough, he had ADD. Since that time, he has been promoted twice at work, and he has remarried. His future is a whole lot brighter now.

It would be worthwhile for you to talk with your doctor about this and to try medication. Some of the anti-depressants are used for it, but there are a number of different things available. Usually Ritalin is one, Adderall another.

It is nothing to feel ashamed about either. Some of us just are hard-wired a little differently. The great thing about ADD is that it is entirely and easily treatable and the medical profression has a lot of experience with it. It is quite common.

Please make an appointment to talk to your doctor. A half hour at the doctor's office could change the rest of your life for the better. In less time than an oil change, you could start to turn your life around. Honest.

Hope this helps....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I think you could benefit from some counseling. Hospice can help at no cost to you. Call them and see what they have to offer. Some churches may also be able to help you get things back together.
Prayers for you.

Thank you both I will deffinately go to a doctor cliffskat and I already have hospice nowjustme. they do enough that I don't have to take my father to the doctor every week. they exercise him. And they bath him twice a week They help

I do understand the video game aspect. It is an escape, it is a form of entertainment like any other. Watching TV is an escape, watching a movie is an escape from the reality we live in. Gaming can take you away from this reality on a whole different level than TV or movies, because you can be locked into that world for at least a few hours. So it is an escape, but usually on a larger time frame. I do play video games as a form of escape, or a way to focus my attention in a different direction. Interaction with friends plays the bigger part, so gaming has become more of a social aspect in where you are having fun alongside your friends but within your own space. There was one time I used gaming as a complete escape from problems. But I have learnt that is not really a solution to anything but to just make those problems either stay where they are, or evolve into bigger problems.

I have learnt to prioritize. Gaming, or like any other hobby I have is now left until I have my main priorities sorted for the day. Gaming is just there on a casual basis for me now. I may spend an hour playing, or perhaps 20 minutes. But again, it is when I have everything in this real world organized the best I can.

What I did with all my hobbies is set them aside. Did not do anything for a time. I knew I needed to focus my attention on reality, and I did take one thing on at a time. I prioritized everything I needed to do, written them down, then as each one was dealt with I written down progress notes so I could look back to see what I had done, and what I was waiting to be done. When done you just check it off your list of priorities then on to the next one. I try to make things as simple as possible now, otherwise it does become overwhelming. It is overwhelming enough dealing with one problem, so to have multiple problems all at the same time really makes you want to just make the world go away.

Drew the hospice for your dad is great. But there are services for you as a grieving "Spouse", related to your loss of your wife. plus during this stress, talk to your doc. I know I have to consider my health problems, in my loss, since symptoms are aggravated by stress. Diabetes also will throw me into a jittery shaking mess, which triggers a panic attack... and the ball keeps rolling. Good to see you here though, talking getting it out.

You're feelings are very important. I understand getting lost in a game, I'm using movies as an escape these days and started working in my flower garden.
I'm just this weekend getting up off my butt and trying to clean my house and get some things organized.
It takes time and I'll bet after to see a dr and discuss your ADD you'll be able to start seeing a future.

I used to play some very simplistic game on my PC when I needed a mental or physical break.
Gradually it also became a problem, because I would avoid thinking about other responsibilities, or doing something in a timely manner and just kept on playing.
As with any addictive activity, I struggled with it, and started slowly. First I decided to make a round of game only as a reward for accomplishing something first.

Still I would get carried away, and continued playing till I was tired from it. It was taking way too much of my day, so began setting a timer.
A "reward"; and a timer became the conditions, and eventually accomplishing the chores, and other "distasteful" tasks inspired me to do more, and reward only occassionally.

I just want to say good luck to you. When my husband was sick a nurse told me you have a long hard road to travel. I started playing games on facebook to escape, now I keep busy helping sick family members to keep from staying at home feeling sorry for myself. Coming here reading has helped also.

After 1 1/2 yrs after my husband died - with lots of problems - financial, housing, children, etc. I finally went in to a therapist to get medication for anxiety/depression. I found myself having fits over nothing (with my kids) and my blood pressure was high even though I was already on high blood pressure meds. (I have a blood clotting disorder which has impact on my blood pressure.)

I started taking Lisinopril. The nurse said it would help me focus and think and respond better. It has made such a difference. If I stop taking it - it is very noticeable. No amount of therapy or counseling could have made a difference like this. She also said it would help control my blood pressure.

Good luck......

I agree that you should seek counseling and that meds might help. However, I have to tell you that it has taken a long time for me to get to the point where I am becoming productive again. It has been over 14 months since my husband passed away and this weekend was one of my most productive in that 14 months. I didn't do much, but at least I didn't just fritter it away. I even cleaned house and went through some of his clothes. It takes a very long time to become a productive human being again!

As many people here will tell you, be kind to yourself and be patient. My thoughts are with you.

I am sorry that you are having these distractions, along with a tremendous loss. I can say that Cliffskat's info is tremendously important and so I hope you follow up with a doctor, also those mentioning therapy is also a very good idea.However, I have heard from some people that they don't want the group therapy for grieving spouses that is usually free if they are in a small town. Some do not feel safe to discuss their inner feelings that easily. I don't know what your circumstances are, but a therapist can be costly if your insurance won't cover it. This option here with discussing your issues online is a good one, but none of us are specialists for ADD/ADHD, which is a treatable diagnosis. I wish you well.

I don't have a problem sharing my pain with other people. I want the whole world to know what hell I'm in. Group therapy might help

Drew, I lost my husband to diabetes on April 23, 2013. Yeah his death is recent and it still hurts. The first week I could not stop crying I have a lot of animals to care for that was my reason to get out of bed. I also had a good friend stay with me to help with the service. I would sit on the couch and watch movies all day or surf on the net. The friend that stayed with me made sure I ate, yeah food did not taste the same but I still ate. Try this think about the happy times you had with your wife and get up and shower and see a doctor to get a check up. Then pick up a newspaper and check the want ads for jobs. Just take one day at a time. Give yourself a reason to get out of bed. Maybe your family will realize that you are healing from a horrible loss and trying to make do with what you have. Maybe when you get back in gear try rescuing a dog so you have something you can take care of.

with things like ADD, ADHD and Bipolar best route is meds first and then if need be counselling / therapy.

this is because the counselling / therapy can't really gain traction if there is something going on at the organic level that will mess up the process of counselling / therapy. Strategies that work for people who don't have these kinds of conditions simply won't work for people who do until medication is used to stabilize/ "normalize".

Make sure you get a proper diagnosis assessment to ensure it is ADD and not something like Bipolar which might have looked similar in childhood but expreses different as an adult and needs different treatment.

The fact you are admitting there is something there that can not keep you functioning at some kind of level that even though grief brings you a curve it a good sign.

And the help you asked for I think everyone brings you something positive to try. SO just try all things: counseling, getting medically checked out etc etc....and do not give up on yourself until you find what gets the right combination...than you can offer others what you wish to offer for the good of them and you.

Good luck