Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I'm just musing here. I think a lot of us are neglecting our own health, not eating right, doing stupid stuff. Why? Is it possible that we are just tired of life - life alone, without our loved one - and secretly hope we can join them sooner if we secretly neglect ourselves? I'm trying to examine my own motives and I'm just not sure.
So my answer is "no" -
I'm not lonely now -
We were together for his lifetime -
Grief is thrust upon us; we have feelings we never knew we had or were never aware they could so intense -
Our hardwiring, for lack of a better, is automatically set to react to the loss of a beloved; it's not a choice -
To me, this is a test of one's own faith -
For those who believe in God, Buddha, Higher Power, metaphysics, etc -
I renewed my faith during active grief; it saved me -
Some people go on to also re-new their baptisim &/or confirmation or whatever ceremonial practice is called for -
I've known agnostics & atheists who also re-newed their beliefs of scientific evidence during grief -
The void, hollowness, emptiness is part of grief -
We go on to fill our life with other people, other interests, etc -
I was never suicidal nor did I ever lose the will to live -
First, I didn't have a mental illness to cause me to want to suicide -
Second, I knew somewhere inside me I wanted to live simply because I always wanted to do something other than grieve -
Regardless of the emotions I was struggling with, including the feeling of hollowness, I wished I could to die only to escape the mental, emotional & physical pain of grief -
I was lousy at taking care of my health, but eventually I learned to care for myself better than I ever had -
Hope this helps ~
*Be kind, loving & forgiving of yourself everyday of your lfie*
In terms of stupid stuff, yes I have been doing so, again, this is what I tend to do when anxiety builds up. My wife always helped me through those times, but you can imagine how difficult it is going to be for me to pull myself out of doing stupid things, making decisions I later regret. Although not dramatic stupid things. stupid things nevertheless.