I have been neglecting my ownh ealth over the years, as caregiver, my concern was his health. Now, I am trying to get myself on track. I have a guilt problem, One of thinking, I have never been selfish, now I have to try to think of myself only. Thats hard when i had been married 48 years, my only thought was what he wanted. I don't think we know how to do that. Think only of ourselves.

No, I don't want to join him yet, I still have years left, to try to be happy.

There is no secret for me. I am tired of life and the sooner I can join him the better

I think if I am all alone here in the world without children and grandchildren I would probably neglect myself and want to go to my husband faster. I have two caring girls and now 3 beautiful grandsons. My husband would have loved all three of them. The youngest was born 3 weeks ago so this child has never met grandpa. Grandpa had bought baby clothes for this child even before he was conceived, so I think I have to live to see this child grow to tell him about what a wonderful grandpa he was.

I have been neglectful also, but than I stop and think of how for 7 1/2 yrs. with my husband being so sick for so long, would just pick himself back up and keep on keeping on. He kept me going also with the positive side of life. Now that he's gone I'm trying to find a purpose in all this. I'm trying to gain back what was all lost. So many baby steps along the way with all the stages of this different journey we're on.

I have a problem of thinking too much. Too many regrets. I believe, given the choice my wife would have chosen to live. I have to make that choice as well. It wasnt either of our choices for her to pass before me. It wasnt her choice to have cancer. We are all different but also the same. We are all traveling this new road of grief, and we have no road maps or gps to guide us. We only have one another. Some of us are further down that road and can help the others of us who are just taking this detour. We can tell each other of the potholes and wrecks in our path. What we do when we get there is up to us.

I'm trying to get back on track, better diet, getting the rest I need and trying not to self medicate in the evenings to help me sleep. I have an old hobby I restarted that I hadn't done for a long time. It helps to keep me busy.

I also love all you on DS, because without you all I know this drive down this long bumpy road would have been much worse.

God Bless you all.

I still feel like Paula does, but the feeling is a little less overwhelming after 5 months when suicidal thoughts were part of my thinking.
I have begun to make a couple of medical appointments long overdue, when up to 3 months I couldn't have cared less; we do feel the weight of loneliness and all that they represented to us and it is still unbearable at times--just when you think that things are a bit better..........Like Sandees, I was a caregiver for 3 years, and we were married 45 years this past April 23.
I feel like a bird with both wings broken.......
Janni, hang in there, what you are feeling is all part of the grieving process, the musing, gosh, it is so hard, isn't it? I must tell you that to my disbelief, I have more good days now than bad; i never thought it would happen, but the more I read, the more I see that it happens to all of us eventually. Sincerely, Jeanne

I believe that it is our job, as survivors, to let the young grandchildren about their missing grandparent. And remind tem how much he loved them. They only knew him as sick. I tell them stories, about their grandfather. Funny stories, also he is not around to share how his family was, and I was there. am making them up a scrapbook, with pictures of their family going back over 6 generations.

The neatest thing is, that his family is related to Jesse James (I have proof), and he looked like him, even his mother couldn't tell the difference. Once I am gone, all this will be lost. I have a job to do.

You're not alone in feeling that way. I lost my husband on 3/21/13. I feel like I'm still in shock. I find myself going from grieving to survival mode as I have a lot of things to take care financially. But for the most part everyday, all I could wish for is to not live long and be with him soon.

I think it's all part of being mentally drained that your health isn't a priority. My wife passed 3/12/13 and I'm just coming out of the shock numbness feeling, so I really don't feel like eating or taking care of myself. I know I should be, but who cares right now?

I know how you feel. I've lost weight but keep up with everything OK. I think that the stress of my wife's illness and caregiving added some really bad effects on me. Now that it's over, the stress is different and is affecting me in a different way.
Ups and downs for me.

Just a few weekends ago I was realing try to find a reason to live. It's a little better now. But I've got to start taking better care of myself, last week I realized the pain in my back was a kidney infection, I've never had one before, I was in so much pain. And yesterday I started checking my blood pressure it's high. I've got to go see the dr, but just really don't want to deal with it yet.
I have no interest in shopping for food and sure don't want to cook.
But the good moments are more often than bad, still have a long ways to go.

Mark.... I have lost a lot of weight, as well as muscle tone. I had so much muscles, I couldn't wear a short sleeve shirt. had to be sleveless or long sleeve, From lifting him, and doing all the heavy lifting, ramps....picking up his 600 pound motorized chair, when he flipped it over, picking him up, and placing him in it. my arms are half the size they were, so is the rest of my body. I probably only weigh 100 pounds now....Which makes me feel weak.

I can't get my sugar down. he last week he was home, was so crazy, I slept sitting up. The plate in my neck slipped, and now my arm is numb. I'm falling apart.

Yes,I wish God would take me,I want to be with my love.I have been very ill with Lupus for years now it has effected my heart.I am so sick heartbroken and weak.I stoped taking my medicatoin.Some of us are just not strong enough to go through this much pain.

I know many of us can't say what we actually feel as someone will notice and they will throw a Baker act at us, net over our head and come at us with straightjackets and needles! So no, we aren't suicidal. I, for one, don't believe in it. At least consciously, deliberately. I suppose the will to live, a basic fact in us humans, wins out in the end. Otherwise you wouldn't see so many elderly widows/widowers living among us. But this "alone" life foisted upon us is something we each fight in our own way. For me, one morning I wake up with good plans for health and home, and another day, I wish I'd never see another day.

Alas, a very common reaction. We have to force ourselves to take contol of our own health. I bought a stock of TV dinners so that at least would have a meal once a day. Fruit and Veg VERY important and they are God's little take-aways. I made a lot of smoothies. Easy and good. We have to value our own lives too - remember that there was a time when you did not know your loved one (Before they came into your life) and you survived. You did because you could. Hard as it is, you CAN go on. I would hate to see hurt in my partners eyes because I hastened my own end instead of fighting the good fight! Routine and discipline are a great help to you now. The ability to control some part of you life, whilst the rest seems to be in ruins. Oh, and take some time out to do something just for you - like having breakfast in a swish hotel, watching the sea. I do that quite a lot and it feeks good. Be kind to yourself! ((HUGS))