Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
people equate their grief over divorce with your grief over widowhood? Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the pain of divorce is any easier (depending on t e situation) but I want people to acknowledge they are different. I have noticed the people I know who are widowed do not assume they know completely what thejr divorced friends/family go through. Both very painful, both in many cases involve losing what you thought would go on forever, both creating a need to start over - but not the same. Is it just me? Am I going to heck in the proverbial handbasket?
Even a comment like " I know it's not the same, but I felt like....when I
went through my divorce" would make it feel better. It's the assumption they are the same that I do not care for. In some ways, I think divorce may be more painful and in others less painful, so I don't think they are the same. Is this just me?
Even a comment like " I know it's not the same, but I felt like....when I
went through my divorce" would make it feel better. It's the assumption they are the same that I do not care for. In some ways, I think divorce may be more painful and in others less painful, so I don't think they are the same. Is this just me?
There is a very personal side of grief, a very individual locked-in-my-own-head kind of grieving we go through. We grieve for ourselves, the loss of who we ourselves were, not just for our spouses. I can tell you that this year I have done a lot of that, processed a lot of my loss of myself. I think that is a big part of where the overlap between death and divorce related losses happens.
I have never been divorced, although I had filed for it and Cliff and I were legally separated for almost a year. We fought our way back to each other, renewed our vows, and had another 20 years together after he got into recovery. His death was way worse than that separation was, but perhaps taught me a few lessons to prepare me for losing him altogether from this world. Odd silver linings to a very weird dark cloud....
I agree with my co-CLs, other people don't get it, but they are trying. Forgive them best you can and let it go.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
The ones that truly annoyed me and the ones I could not forgive were the ones that told me how much better off I was. They would say things, like "at least you got a life insurance policy." and "well, he didn't leave you for another woman!" Those ladies I dropped like hot coals after just gaping at them in astonishment.
Hugs,
Val